Player Comments on Slay the Dragon

Flux, don’t you think this wholesome fairy-tale-like quest game should be in the family friendly category instead?

General Recommendation: Do you like dragons? Do you like dick jokes? This story may be for you!
Preview: Can you make it to the dragon’s lair and save the maiden it has captured?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
Well, I definitely just read that.
I think the word “quaint” can best sum up the superficial tone of this story. It reads a lot like a children’s bedtime story, particularly the interaction between the knights on the bridge. The way their conflict is resolved is very reminsicent of old-timey fairy tales. The encounter with the nymphs and comraderie between the three knights fits equally well with the theme and structure of these short children’s fantasy stories.
The whole “quaint” thing is, of course in sharp contrast to this story’s true purpose: To cram as many dick jokes as humanly possible into the smallest amount of words.
For what it is, this game is very well done. It has a simple premise and concept, and it’s well executed, without cluttering up the plot needlessly or overstaying its welcome. Trying to make this game longer would only dilute the idea, it’s just the right length.
It would be better as a short story, however, as there are really only two choices, and they are each save-or-die. I recommend rewriting this as a linear short story.

Specific notes:
-Haha dick jokes.
-It can be tough to write “knightly” dialogue without coming across as stiff or weird, but this story does a good job of it. It's also a nice contrast.
-The joke about the horse being named poverty is amusing.

Grammar:
There’s a couple issues, but nothing distracting.
-“Proceeds”, nor precedes.
Mastery of Language:
Extremely good. Not only does Fluxion write archaic “knightly” dialogue in a satisfying and non-cliche way, but the sheer volume of dirty jokes crammed into this work is legitimately awing. Fluxion shows a mastery of wordplay here that isn’t often seen on this site.

Branching:
Zilch.

Player Options/fair choice:
Pretty good, the consequences of actions are well foreshadowed.

WRITING ADVICE:
I recommend re-writing this as a linear short story, it’s not really a storygame.

CONCLUSION: Like many of the games in this contest, I rate this 4/8 for linearity. Would easily be a 5/8 with better branching, but it doesn’t qualify as a story”game”.

Okay, I read the Fluxion's dragon story. Still, why dragons tho, the nightmarish landscape of all continuous streams of these reptilic monsters embodying genericness has once again sprouted the lands of this site. Anyway, let's get into the 'meat' of it.

To sum up it up, the whole tale is one big dick joke. From the names of the characters 'Sir Loin' to the way how conflict is solved in the story, everything is dedicated to this single theme. If anyone less keen on the more crass humor, wouldn't find a lot of enjoyment to it.

Well, I was having quite a great time to see three bumbling knights set off to fumble their way to save the princess. Their interactions with each other are very humorous and honestly the main character acting as the 'straight man' really plays off well with the more airheaded Sir loin.

The game's greatest strength is their heavy use of teasing wordplay and the dialogue. The characters talk in a very archaic way which even more emphasizes their sheer supidity and the ridiculousness of them all.

One thing that was rather lacking and something I struggle myself is that it sometimes feel that the characters are talking in a white room. There is little descriptions of the environment if at all, and due to this the passage of time is also not conveyed very well.

I myself struggle with this too haha. However, wouldn't it perhaps be funny if all the buildings in the kingdom are all phallic shaped or if in the dragon's lair flows a river with milk like water. You can have a little more fun wiith it I think. It's a fantasy land after all.

The last criticism I have is that there was only really one route to walk on and that there are not a lot of meaningful choices one can make. It might feel a bit too linear for many people who are not fond of the gauntlet style. I do have to admit, the death scenes were also quite amusing to read.

To conclude, it gave me a short chuckle at the end which makes the story good enough to me. The ending of which the plottwist I will keep a secret for now, was somehow the more satisfying than I had expected if one would choose the 'befriending' option. Dragons be dragons sometimes.

that was perfect I loved it
I wish I could write like that

I liked the style of this one, very traditional fantasy with a surprising amount of willy jokes, definitely a bit of a unique blending! It moved in a bit of a straight line but I suppose there is only so much fun you can have with the style, recommended for those who like their stories entertaining in a special way :)

Lol, a very worthwhile read, so many dick jokes.

This sure was something. An absolutely fantastic something! The writing in this one is some of the funniest I've seen in this website, and its charm never wears out or overstays. Amazing work!

It’s k
K?

Umm wow that escalated quickly. Someone of a less mature age might not be able to appreciate the clever wordplay of the innuendos scattered throughout this story. Fortunately I am not that someone and found the interactions between the bumbling knights to be quite amusing. Sir Robin Hurvirtue was my favorite among many of these.

I get however why the story isn’t where it needs to be which is due to the overall linearity of the story. My suggestion to you would be to include a branch that pokes fun at all the fantasy tropes kind of in a Monty python sort of way. You don’t have to do it exactly like Monty python you could make fun of the troll under the bridge, the magic mirror, the magic sword, there’s so much to do with it.

I found the world building to be rather limited though I felt like the narrator was teleporting me from one encounter to the next. For example, I passed the knights along the rode and not even a few minutes later we’re in the nymphs swamp. Also after you seduce the dragon I suppose would be the proper term you magically teleport us back to the castle. It was a jarring shift from dragon lair to castle celebration so fast.

I want to see progress that my characters are making. Do a traveling montage do something to make the pacing seem more natural and less erratic. That would be my second suggestion other than joking about classic fantasy tropes since this story likes its witty banter.

Those would be the core of my suggestions to you so do with them what you will. It was nonetheless an interesting read through.

That was certainly... an adventure.

I jumped into this story expecting your average dragon story where you either kill or befriend the dragon or something like that. I was surprised and delighted to find instead an amusing and elegantly written dick joke. I also enjoyed the name wordplay and the Aladdin reference.

7/10 the story was too linear to get any higher than a 7 on my scale. Would read again

Just a wholesome story about some rock hard men.

Well that was...

Umm...

That was the longest dick joke I've ever read. No, really, and I've read some long ones! Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes The wøndërful telephøne system And mäni interesting furry animals.

We apologise for the fault in the comment. Those responsible have been sacked.

Anyway, that was a neat little story. It was. Yes, it may have been slightly short and stupid, but that's okay sometimes. The story flowed, it made sense (in a nonsensical way), and it had choices and endings. It is a short, but entertaining read, if you like dick jokes. And you might have to read it slowly and a second time to catch all of them. Keep writing!