Player Comments on Story D - Mole

Disclaimer: I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. The mods who wrote these stories likely know more about writing than me. And to those of you who haven’t read the story, beware of spoilers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Right away, I see that it’s exactly 4000 words. That reminds me of my last essay for university. But onto the story, I like the repetition of gray to show the monotony of the place. The lack of stimulation is a good setup for the addiction, and I like how the description becomes more vivid when it concerns smoking the moss, from its taste, to its appearance, and the effect it has on the protagonist. There’s a nice call to action: the protagonist’s stock of drugs need to be replenished and the only way it can be done is through a high stakes mission. Oh, and the type of em-dashes that this author uses gives away their identity from the start.

NARRATIVE STYLE

This storygame consists mostly of dialogue, which makes sense as it is centered around an interrogation, but it consists of some good description too. First, let’s talk about the dialogue. It delivers information without any exposition while keeping readers in the loop. For instance, readers are given enough context clues to figure out that Conor is dangerous to the Dominion but somewhat of a hero to the prisoners, even though the protagonist obviously knows more about him than the reader does. Similarly, worldbuilding is done subtly in this way. There are references to elves, tribespeople, and the Dominion, all of which are never outrightly explained but interwoven into the story, making the world feel lived-in.

There’s some strong description too, mostly of the torture Conor endures. This not only creates a sense of pity for him, given how he winces when he breathes (the only typo I caught in this story is ‘When he breaths’) and how he’s covered in his own dried blood. It also serves to reinforce the bloodthirsty, barbaric nature of the Dominion. This is especially true when it comes to the differing descriptions each time the protagonist chooses to reset him. And it was interesting how withdrawal is described as black lines beneath the protagonist’s skin; the more he smoked, the more he needed to ward it off.

PLOT & CHARACTERS

I liked how the protagonist is both a mole and a mole (sorry, I had to make the pun). He had a clear mission, to interrogate the criminal and get moss. The voice on the other side seems to want the criminal to be killed, even though that would mean they lose vital information; foreshadowing, perhaps?

Either way, it’s clear that things aren’t as they seem from the first question. Already the protagonist has heard a different version of the story of Conor and the Maw. Conor, too, was a prisoner and a mole (the betrayer kind, not the animal—yeah, this review could get confusing fast). He tells the protagonist not to trust the Gray Dominion. The hero aspect of his character is revealed when he found out how to survive the monster and then taught it to escape.

The protagonist, despite being morally grey, is sometimes conflicted due to his moral compass. For instance, he wonders if anyone should have the tech to reset someone’s mind. And while he is ultimately driven by his addiction, he knows that the longer he’s without the drug, the more likely he is to return to ‘depths that a past version of you wouldn't be proud of’.

The story also delves into the wider stakes for the world which are at play, like the problematic possibility of the Dominion being able to control the Maw. Conor has a clear hatred for the Dominion, mostly because they don’t see the prisoners as people, which is alluded to by the person who seems to want him to get reset. He cares about the other prisoners in the place, but more than that, he wants his daughter to be safe.

Speaking of his daughter, at first, I wasn’t sure why he had to be reset before a question could be asked about her, but it shows how strategic the protagonist can be. There’s also the moral aspect of lying which means this isn’t something the mole is proud of, yet another part of him enjoys the temporary feeling of power.

ENDINGS

Grey Dominion Ending: This is the corruption arc. Feeling powerful after what he did to Conor, and giving in to his addiction, the protagonist works with the enemy and helps them with crimes. I would have liked to see the wider impact of this, especially with all the build-up of how bad this would be for the other prisoners and Conor’s reaction to being asked the question about why he hates the dominion so much. But still, I suppose on that path he has accepted the darkness within and so that sort of information wouldn’t matter as much as satisfying his addiction.

Paid Ending: Here, the protagonist decides that enough is enough, and makes the moral choice. I like the line, ‘you just finished your first dance with a terrible darkness inside your damaged soul, and if you were to submerge yourself entirely, you're not sure that you'd be able to find your way out of that darkness’. Both this and the previous ending are realistically in character given his conflict. Yet, the outcome of this has also been foreshadowed—the dominion views their prisoners as disposable, so they reset the protagonist and the whole reformation arc is forgotten (along with the information he learnt). This made me wonder if there’s a good ending.

Terminated Ending: Seven times. That’s how many times Conor had to be reset in order for him to die. This ending reveals more about the lore of the cave-dwellers’ addiction, which is in their biology. His powerlessness to this infection makes his reaction to having a taste of power more realistic. Ngl, I wanted to see if there was a secret ending like with Siren. I even checked to see what would happen if I got the Grey Dominion ending, reset, the Paid ending, reset, and then the Terminated ending since that’s the only way to save the world. Perhaps this time, the termination isn’t due to a mistake or corruption by power, but out of sacrificial heroism. Though it does make sense that there are no happy endings when one is born as a slave to addiction.

TL;DR

This was a strong dialogue-driven story; the main character was characterised well, and the scope was contained while establishing a clear personal goal. Yet, it would have been nice to see the wider stakes play more of a role in the story.

As someone who struggles with writing evil protagonists, the Caver captivates me. Their sadism and their addictions have a sort of symbiotic relationship in that the Dominion takes advantage of their addiction to commit sadistic acts, but then they later come to enjoy the sadism itself. It's almost a Pavlovian setup where sadism is encouraged with a supply of moss sticks. I just love both the simplicity and the efficiency of that method of creating an evil yet relatable character.

An excellent example of what grimdark should be. Excellent implied worldbuilding and character development without resorting to lore dumps or extended internal monologues. I got to three different endings (Terminated, Grey Dominion and Escaped) and each was satisfactory if dark and ominous.

It doesn't have to be gory or supremely edgy; the grimdark fantasy genre can be felt in a more subdued way. This storygame does that so well. The interrogation setting really brings in the atmosphere. I was reminded of a gameplay situation in Knights of the Old Republic where you have the option to interrogate a Sith spy. At any time, you can drug him up and reset his brain to ask questions as many times as you like. I like the moments where the protagonist is feeling the effects of his addiction as I, the player, wrestle a bit over the moral implications of the situation. I'm playing an addict who has no choice but to go on. The three endings seem appropriate for the setting, but I think the Grey Dominion ending is the best. I enjoy imagining a larger story where this character shows up as a part of the setting for a grim future of a fantasy world where elves have subjugated the known world. Curse those filthy knife-ears!

A solidly written, if simple puzzle that benefits from the story’s small scale, but also finds enough room to hint at a more expansive and interesting world existing underneath.

Really, loved that story. I secretly hoped I could get enough information out of him to control the maw when the dominion inevitably tried to feed me to it. But the endings that were there (I found three) were fun as well. Very cool and thought provoking story. Stanley Milgram would be proud.

a fun use of the engine and an engaging story. well done.

Story D was awesome! It's so simple, yet so brilliant that it took my breath away. It's a cat and mouse game, where an interrogator attempts to get information from a suspect who continuously denies everything. I loved the way that we had to probe and be careful with our questions, and essentially follow a specific line of questioning. I loved the concept of resetting, I thought it was pretty creative, because even though you reset their memory, they're still the same person so if you try the same strategy 1000 times, you'll be stuck there 1000 times. But the way the MC played on the suspect's uncertainty and fear of what he might have said when he was reset was a cool strategy.

I loved the world building, and the integration of sci fi elements like mind resetting into a grim dark story.

This story was perfect, and was even more impressive because of how much it was able to communicate in so few words. Bravo!