Player Comments on The 28th Hunger Games (improved)

So many things wrong with this that it seems like it's just a mockery of the Hunger Games. Not only was getting killed by a sandwich dumb, you don't die of sleep deprivation after 1 day. "You didn't think that would happen after all of that physical activity" that's called dying from exhaustion. A person dies of sleep deprivation after about 11 days of no sleep, which is usually longer than the traditional Hunger Games.
Considering Hunger Games take place in a dystopian era after North America was flooded (I think? Haven't read the books in a while), nothing of the past survived, that means no Pokemon so that wouldn't be possible.
The Hunger Games would never take place outside of the Cornucupia, if they were outside, the tributes would be running for home. And the wealth of the Capitol is too great for the train to easily crash like that. The Capitol's advanced technology is so great, they more than likely created a train that can never derail and/or crash.
Also about the Cornucupia thing, where's Snow? One thing is that, in the actual Cornucupia, they have speakers so that Snow or the game maker (I honestly haven't read it in a while so I don't remember which) can say things through a mic so the tributes can listen and the game maker or Snow wouldn't have to be in there with them because he doesn't want to get hurt, no. They also want as much control over the terrain as possible so if they want to hurry things up or turn a tribute around, they can. That of which they can't do outside of the Cornucupia.
With the sandwich thing, did he force it down my throat and caused me to choke to death? Was he giving me a poisoned sandwich? How exactly did he kill me with a sandwich? Why was he carrying a sandwich to begin with? Tributes would use reliable weapons to take down the others, not a sandwich. If they had a sandwich, they wouldn't let it go for dear life. They have to find their own food and they're not going to exactly waste their food and let themselves starve. Unless it's poisonberries. A little more accuracy with the Hunger Games logic would make this story so much better, but right now, I just see this as a joke and not anything serious.

Most of the choices didn't make sense. The district six guy killed me with a sandwich? It would have improved the gameplay if you gave some more background to the choices. For example, with the train's humming, it would be helpful if more of a reaction sparked. Did the mentor look confused or knowledgeable? What were they driving by- could one tell that it was a hunger-gamesy environment? Did he see the other people? I assumed at first it would be the engine breaking, and if the train were still moving I would probably die. Just saying, the train is pretty fast in the books. Also, the capitol wouldn't start a game without the training stuff. I know that's boring to write and read, but come on.

Also, plotholes. This wasn't such a bad story, but a bad fan fiction. I'll list a few little errors-
- the train would have been MUCH fancier, either there would be more food and water and good stuff or it would be pretty obvious what was happening
- I searched the train and found the district six guy. And he already had set up traps that I didn't run into while walking in? (Also, please answer me- HOW. DID. HE. KILL. ME. WITH. A. SANDWICH.)
- There's a dome for the hunger games. I'm being a little nitpicky, but I could either run out of this mess or the train is magic.
And many more.
You might be on to something, I like the idea and how there were always choices when practical. However, it still needs improvement.

Random deaths... Has anyone ever told you that you should at least give some warning before killing someone? Seriously. Random deaths just put your game down to a level similar to games with grammar and spelling mistakes...

Not serious, just funny

More details
Your choices wern't logical
Longer
I want you tell me about the arrow sticking out of his neck as his eyes silently ask why... Why do i have to die
Just more

Come now, Xiro. Have some imagination. Clearly, the man was drunk and taking a shower in the rain near the border of his district, he dropped his bar of soap, slipped on it, and fell into the electric fence. Simple.

I read this before you improved and for some reason I actually think you made it worse. You had a lot of errors with punctuation, capitalization and grammar. I also thought plot wasn't that good either. Lastly, this was short, like too short for your own good.

"Father died in accident including electric fence and a bar of soap"

Am I the only one interested in what the hell happened? 1/8

:\ This storygame could be much, much better, so it's honestly really disappointing. As people have said, hardly any ending makes sense, with almost no deaths relating to your specific choices. It could use a lot more detail. I think you should have given this a lot more thought if this was the "improved" version.

So many random and illogical deaths...

What the hell did I just read?

...if this is the 'improved' version it scares me to think of what the original was like.

You call this improved?!

Wow I fucking got my face shot off

This was just bad

So, I say how KEWWWWL the Capitol is... And I get shot in the fuckin' face. Well, at least it ended pretty damn fast.

So... you say this was the improved one?

……> Rules

This is sort of giving the impression that the ending pages aren’t that well done. I suppose I should hold my breath on that. I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, or in this case a story by its’ first page.

……> Character Profile

This seems sort very bare bones. Who am I? I’m a male that is 15 years old by the 5 name of (fill in the blank). I live in District 5. Luckily I read the books, so I have some understand of what District 5 is. Hopefully, you’ll explain the world better for people not as familiar with the world. The family reminds me a lot of the book’s main character. You have a younger sister and mother. You also have a father that died in an accident. If you step up because your sister is chosen, then I’m going shake my head miserably.

……> The Reaping

An emblem you have never gotten? Does it not actually exist then? Is it a figment of my imagination? If this becomes a symbol for a rebellion, then I will again shake my head miserably. That guy must not be very good at speeches, if it is only eight words long. He pulled names out of a container of names? I thought he was going to pull a rabbit out of it. At least I passed out, he might have given another long speech.

……> The Train

So only one mentor? Again this is just like the main character of the books. Why do I want to make a good impression on the girl? She is going to be my potential killer real soon. My mentor I might suck up to, but this girl is definitely on my not favorite people list already.

…..> Mock the Games

Wow. I’m going to be a great student because I made fun of the games. It is quite the serious matter. I could have special care taken to get me killed if I mock the games at the wrong time.

……> Get Down to Business

I get to know her name. Pokemon? I don’t know anything about that or maybe I’m geeking out who knows for sure. Our mentor seems useless if he talking when we can’t even hear him.

…..> Stay in the train

I died. Hmmm.. well I’ll go back to the other choice then. However, both common sense and knowledge of the world lead me to this. I guess I need to be more paranoid of hums. Hmmm.. I managed to injure my spin, which must be very important.

…….> Jump out of the window

That patch of snow probably saved my life. Praise the snow, not president snow but the snow on the ground. I forgot a person that I was just with a second ago. I must not have the best memory. Maybe I’m secretly a goldfish. I say forget about her as she’ll probably kill me.

…….> Loot the train

I got a bow and 3 arrows. I wonder if I have Katniss’ skills with a bow.

……> find food

Apparently, the only food is berries. There is a reference here that I don’t understand as (fill in the blank) of district five.

……> find enemies

I found an enemy camp. I can either shoot this guy from district 6, that I somehow know despite never seeing this guy before, or I can befriend him. God is telling me to shoot him. So I guess I better do that.

……> Shoot him dead

He is dead. I’m a murderer. I don’t care much.

……> Run away

Well, I in the last six. Sabrina is dead, but I don’t really care. I don’t care about anything.

…….> Set up camp

I died because of sleep deprivation. I was passed out, not too long ago. At least I think it was not too long ago. Then I had a nice sit on a train before jumping off it. I scavenged some. I killed someone with bow and arrow. Then it was nightfall. Of course, this is assuming that the people killed are on the night sky. Otherwise I have no idea of how long this stuff took place over. Plus if it was only cannon shots, then I would have no idea who was dead only how many were dead. If there are custom cannon shots for each person, then I want something amusing like the chicken dance for mine. So I assume everything before that was only one day. Unless I wasn’t allowed to sleep on the train and it was actually traveling for a week, I doubt I would die from that so easily.

……> Go to sleep as soon as you get to the train.

I just pass out on the ground because that is safe. I hope no one kills me.

…..> Go on a walk

Time to go for a nice walk about. Oh no! I’m being chased by two people from district two. My ability to know what district people are from just by a glance is really not that useful. I would rather have super strength or speed be my super power. I run into a woman from district 8. Again, I have such a crappy super power. I killed her somehow. Maybe I killed her because she was in awe of my ability to detect what district she was from. Maybe I licked her and she gave up on life because she hates saliva. I’ll never know. The other two from district two killed each trying to kill me apparently. I like to think that they were throwing rocks and managed to head shot each other at the same time. I’ll never know how they died. I wasn’t paying any attention to the people chasing while dealing with that woman who I possibly killed with a single lick. I win, I guess. I didn’t really do much. I don’t really care. I think I won’t get that cupcake. I’ll just sit here because I don’t care.

Bad, just bad