Player Comments on The Knight of Gold
So, there's a pretty massive problem with this storygame. I'm going to try not to be too harsh since this was a first attempt, but... unless I completely missed something, the main conflict of this story sort of just changed halfway through. We open with hearing that the queen has been kidnapped by an evil sorcerer, then all of a sudden she's being held hostage in her castle... by a dragon. There was zero mention of a dragon (other than the storygame description) until after the escapade to find the golden sword (which was originally mentioned as being a set of enchanted armor, by the way...)
There are three important characters here- the protagonist, the queen, and the dragon.
•The protagonist is mostly pretty bare, which is pretty forgivable, especially with a story this short. There's the obvious heroism to be noted, though there's one thing that really annoys me. The best ending in the game is dedicated to the protagonist becoming the new monarch and displaying a capacity for leadership, yet in another ending you're punished for fighting the monsters invading the kingdom and things fall into ruin because there's no leader... so I guess our protag was just sitting in a ditch pushing berries up his nose for that one?
•I would have liked it if the plot twist with the queen actually lead somewhere if you defeated the dragon. She's apparently planning this massive betrayal, yet there's zero mention of that if you take the other path.
•The dragon is quite bland, but at least it has a motive. I felt like the negotiation with the dragon was almost comedic with how simple and short it was. This dragon came in and killed a hundred knights and has the queen held hostage, and then decides to trust the protagonist and skedaddle after about a four-second conversation (without even getting back what was stolen from it!)
The spelling and grammar are mostly alright, but a round of proofreading still would have helped. I didn't see errors often, but there were definitely a few, such as this one on the second page...
"You notice that the man's uniform and how he has the royal knight symbol on his armor."
My consensus here is that this game isn't terrible or anything, but there's also nothing to set it apart. Don't know if there's much else you could have done with this particular plot given the length, though.
On a more positive note, it's cool to see that you went ahead and did something with the items system. It was nothing fancy and didn't really need to be, though it was cool to see the protagonist's inventory.
This scores in the 2-3 range for me. I hope you continue to write, I'd like to see what you could do with more words.
on 4/18/2023 2:26:18 PM with a score of 0
This was a light, breezy little game. It almost was too short, but it had a sense of fun. I did find typos throughout and also some instances of awkward syntax (like you decided one word for a sentence but then forgot to take the original out). Getting past that, though, the game has a nice combat system. I like how the reader is given the option for choosing to use either the sword or the shield in different parts of a battle with an enemy. I was (SPOILERS!) annoyed that my character takes the Queen's crown and decides to be the new monarch after a heartfelt conversation with the dragon. I'd rather that choice have been offered me instead of having it put into my character's mind by the author. But this still a fun game and I hope you do a lot more to flesh it out and expand on the characters, the story, and world. :)
on 4/3/2023 10:49:49 PM with a score of 0
A few grammar errors but the main plot line was good. A pleasant read. I was surprised that the protagonist declared him/herself the new ruler in one ending. A bit presumptive and unexplained (surely there are other candidates, right?).
on 3/11/2023 8:17:34 AM with a score of 0
nice very cool until the beer killed me
on 3/11/2023 1:44:56 AM with a score of 0
Short but not bad as far as spelling and grammar goes. It's also got some choices that have consequences, and while the twist you can discover isn't difficult to find and not the most surprising in the universe, it was pretty good.
This story mops the floor with the majority of 2k word noobs first story type games. Good job.
I dub thee Sir or Madam T_Maymay, don't get too craycray now as the young'ns say.
on 3/10/2023 11:12:35 AM with a score of 0