Player Comments on Through the Black Door

Sounds like something I would write if I was a gay girl... (I'm currently a non gay guy)

I wish I was joking...

(For real though it wasn't that bad. I only got 2 endings but its not horrible, just not super great either. Your only going to get better from here tho so keep at it! ;) )

I liked the tone in this story: it had an interesting concept and was an enjoyable read.

I missed the poem-like version, but from the comments, it seems to me that the changes were improvements. I was mostly left pondering how choices could play a bigger role, but after clicking through the other options, there is more variation here than I was initially expecting, which is nice.

Not all stories need to be long, and I think this executed on its premise well. Feels complete, and the endings had enough variation to warrant being a storygame.

I definitely felt more engaged in the latter half, but that might be because I prefer reading dialogue. The opening did setup the mystery well, and I dare say that I prefer enjoying the story more as it goes as opposed to the opposite, aha.

Good work!

Hi everyone, thank you for the honest feedback! I originally posted this story on Medium, where readers favor short paragraphs, including one-line paragraphs. But I realize now that the rules are different here on Choose Your Story, so thank you for letting me know! I have edited the story so that the paragraphs are longer and fuller now.

Nice idea, but really needs better development and characterization. The writing, especially at the beginning, seemed really choppy with that one sentence at a time format and hindered any flow that might have been possible with the narrative.

Overall, concept is good, but needs more work.

So I know this is just you pasting over a previously written story, and the nature of it being a co authored thing doesn't leave you a lot of room for editing. But the formatting is gonna mean a rough reception I think, just the one line at a time separated by blank lines to hide the fact it's a very small amount of text is very jarring to read.

It's a cool concept, but you'd have a lot more room to expand it and add depth and interest with more varied sentence structure and paragraphs instead of, you know, what you have here that looks kind of like an attempt at a free form poem. Some of the later pages give a little more to work with, but by that time it may be a little too late to get a reader invested in it all.

Maybe It's just too early to be reading but this felt so random. I didn't get to know these characters well enough to care about their fate. A little backstory would go a long way here. I'll let the big boys and girls dissect everything though.