Player Comments on Tikal Warrior

The main problem I had with this storygame is I felt like I was reading a textbook. The want to be immersed in the story but this was so short there was zero time for me to do that.

If this had been longer and more developed and furthermore not been a regurgitation and of historical facts and instead an interesting plot surrounding the time period of the Mayan empire, than I would have enjoyed it and this would have a higher rating.

Instead I found myself disappointed because the potential of the story was never fully explored and I found myself unable to enjoy it due to the brevity and the boringness of it.

I feel that while this game was informative, it lacked detail and could have been fleshed out a bit more. I liked how it dove into history and allowed you to see the world from a different perspective, but it could have been introduced better, as I didn't realize what was going on for a short while. I also slightly disliked the way this game worked - the choices provided were sometimes confusing (for instance: result A or B). Also, I felt that the events occurring after the choices were explained in a matter-of-fact tone rather than shown. Having the facts told to me in a clinical tone made me feel detached from the game. But the grammar was great, and the writing - while simple - had the potential to become even greater if details had been added.

I understand that this game was probably made for a school project (at least it appears that way to me). The plot here felt more like an outline or a skeleton than a real story, but you honestly have the potential to create a great game. If you have the time, passion, and patience to create stories, I encourage you to stay on here.

First off, the 'school-based' category is for games that take place in a school. You should move this to edutainment.

Secondly, this was far too short and lacking in any kind of detail or description. There IS a plot, but I felt more like I was reading the outline of it than a completed story in its own right. How about showing us the things that happened instead of just briefly mentioning them after the fact? 'Result A' or 'Result B' determining the ending you get is kind of out of place too, the reader is expected to just click randomly at that point instead of making a real choice.

A story about a Mayan king could be a very cool thing, I wish you'd done more with this.

not much substance

A very nice game!

I love how it was based on actual historical evidence, this story would be great if it was fleshed out a bit. Add in some descriptors, some emotions, then you got yourself a great story.

Would recommend if you are interested in some Mayan cities/kingdoms.

Keep up the good effort!

... I kind of feel like every war should be settled with a ball game. ^_^

very cool

Weird. Is that true?

I chose to destruct those evil people for taking my brother!! This said I was evil. That is stupid. I wasn't evil, they are. If they hadn't taken my brother, I wouldn't have been merciless. I wouldn't ever be merciful to anyone who would take my brother! Stupid.

This was actually rather interesting. Nice.

I would have liked to see it a bit more fleshed out, but this was a solid, short and informative piece with a bit of fun and ruthless carnage.

I actually liked this storygame. I do not know of many Maya-based games, and the decisions did not seem that forced unlike many others storygames similar to this one. I also did not have much of a problem with the lack of characterization simply because your focus was on the effects of the decisions instead of the characters.

Thoroughly enjoyed this! It's short, but has some nice historical details (almost all of them accurate). Will probably use this in future classes.

This was genuinely rather interesting :)

It was okay, but needs to have a better explanation. Not everyone is a Maya expert and I bet most people didn't realize it was about the Maya. Also, I think it needs a better story.

Darn. I chose and EVEN WORSE CHOICE in SHOUTY capitals. Then, I got sacrificed in a bak and died. Oops?

This was somewhat enjoyable and informative. I think it was most definitely an interesting setting, although it lacked any characterisation other than names. The plot was simple and definitely could've been worked on to a large degree. Making winning the ball game random was a bit ridiculously, you could've have multiple choices decide if you won or not such as "Play offensively" or "Play defensively." The game was quite short, but all in all I thought it was OK, and probably succeeded at what I assume was a school project or something.

A commendable work, compared to other new stories on the site.

Historical CYOAs are rather uncommon; well-made historical CYOAs are even more rare. The reason I consider this game to be well-made, despite its low rating, is that you have given us a real "what-if" experience. Playing this game, it was hard to tell which path was the most historically accurate. You treated all endings with the same care, instead of leading us down the path to the "real ending" and giving us a generic "oops, try again" any time we made a decision deviating from how things happened in real life.

I understand that you made this for a school project (which is probably why you initially put it in the "school-based" section instead of the "edutainment" section), and like many people who make games for school, you probably don't intend to stick around the site much longer. However, you are a decent writer, and we can always use more people like you around here.

Not bad, could use some grammar fixes and a bunch more pages, but I think you earn a 3/8.