Player Comments on Your Adventure in Wonderland

I thought you were doing a fanfic about Alice in wonderland, the of work. Haha, I'm pleasantly surprised that you were actually doing an Alice McGee fanfic, one of my favorite games in the aesthetic sense.

I'm just a bit disappointed that you haven't bothered to finish the game, oh and that you expect the reader to keep track of their stats. The most wonderful about writing such stories online is, is that you can use variables to handle that stat attacking part.

Plus I'm beginning to think that you kinda are too faithful with the pre-established stuff in the og game such as telling the reader that you have gained a shiny new ability (which we'll never use). Plus why do I have to read that you imagined a kind of soundtrack in a certain page. Either leave it out or don't mention it at all and leave it to your prose to carve out the world for the reader. (The environment descriptions are kind of threadbare which one doesn't expect in such a fantastical setting like wonderland)

There's still lots of things to like about the story: I like the interactions you can have with a card once you've entered wonderland. Plus I do really like that you also added some snippets of London in the beginning to make it contrast with the weirdness of wonderland.

I want to give it a 6, but meh, it's not finished, so a 5 out of 8 it is

The story itself was alright I guess... but what the hell is with these choice links? It's just "page WHATEVERTHEFUCK". It was quite confusing and annoying to keep track of.

Not to mention that the story could have used some serious proofreading. A fair amount of typos and grammar issues. Some of the links are also broken (page five to page seven link is one such example, it just keeps you looping).

That said, I can see some effort has been put into this. It is by far not the worst thing I've read on the site, especially given I'm currently wading through the fanfiction category.

Oh, you poor thing.
The link names themselves are normally titled what the option you are choosing is, not the page number to “turn” to. I’m not going to count you down much for that, just know that it’s grating and unattractive to do these in such a format.
Secondly, there’s a link on “page seven” that leads to the same page you just clicked off of.
You can hide a link the second time around a page, just fyi.
Overall it was cute. You show some potential.

Very well written. I enjoyed the nostalgia of reading the turn to page bit. Reminded me of the old books.

fantastic story! it has the same feel as the original book and movies which is nice. keep up the good work!

I only gave you a 5 because my story was unfinished. You used very good description. If I could change anything I would use choices instead of page numbers. For me it would eliminate the need for keeping a log.

The grammar and spelling was absolutely horrible. It confused me sometimes to the point in which I couldn't even understand what was going on, and had to skip the paragraph.

Secondly, I couldn't even finish it with the "page" guiding. Unless I wrote down each page I went to, which would be an unnecessary hassle and I am unable to do as I am traveling, I had no idea which pages I had gone to. Did I go to page 11? Should I or should I not go to this page, if I don't know if I've gone to page 11? There are ways to do this, and it's not complicated. Or, instead of writing page numbers, you could have even used place names (ex. Hallway, stairs, kitchen, etc).

Lastly, details in the story didn't match up. How would you recognize yourself in a picture if you didn't remember what you looked like? Are you a girl, or a boy? Act as though you know, but never question it and memories suggest differently than current events. Also, little things like the doctors' actions. Wouldn't the doctor act surprised to see someone who has been asleep for years?

I'm sorry, but as far as I got in the story was enough for me to know it was put together atrociously. Maybe later on it got better, I wouldn't know, but I think you should go back over it and fix it before adding the rest if you were even going to do so.

Guess it's never getting finished as it was first published in 2012 ,which is a complete shame due to this story game being amazing.

Amazing detail and format, many choices, very suspenseful, I love it!

I keep losing -_-

this was the best book I've read out of all of them though I'm a bit confused as to who ash is

I had goosebumps while playing this. XD, I lost the game eventually.

Absolutely beautifully written - even though there are some grammar and spelling mistakes, though nothing major. I am completely hooked on the story and was quite disappointed when it ended - I expected this CYOA to be much shorter, reading the other comments, but it actually went quite far for me. It's completely mad, but I love it! The only reason I had to rate it lower than I wanted to was because it wasn't finished.

Hi :) guess you have already notice that I just found out about your story game today... And well... I was hoping for a good ending not that it's not good or anything but... It's... Incomplete... But none the less amazing story and game :)
My first try was... Funny xD anyways... Great game story. Love it :)

Really creative and in the style of an ACTUAL choose your own adventure story! 5/8

I liked the complexity of the story a lot, and I loved the idea that instead of using links for options, you used pages. This was a very unique way of getting through the story, and I loved it very much. Keep me updated on the release of the next one! Thank you for the story, and good job!
6/8!

This is the first game I've played on this site and i'm so glad I chose to, it's absolutely brilliant!

5/8 It is interesting, but it seems it is not quite complete. Seeing as dawnfire101 has not been active since 2012 I doubt it ever will be. Which is why I cannot rate it any higher.

If only this were wonderland I would wish it so. Alas it is not, leaving this deserving storygame with no place to go.

Wow, that was short.

Wicked, Different, Unique and Enchanting.. Totally Interesting Stories and Plot, (Even though I think you copy it) Definetely perfect for me as this is Alice in Wonderland Stories, 8/8!

Nice game, only problem I have is the use of retro labels for the choices.

Somehow this story game fits me well.
I really like this one! Beside some grammatical and punctuation errors, the story is awesome and I love how twisted my ending was (like it should be!) Continue with it, if you hadn't already finished it. It's totally MAD!

hey let me know once you continue ending this so i can play it more!

Cool story.

Good writing, better than most first games

Yeah, the fact that you didn't take advantage of the site's features detracts from the game; but it really is a minor inconvenience when the game is so damn good. I'm in the process of rating the 'new' games right now and I have got to say, this blows 90% of them away. Also, the concept of having music to listen to while playing is brilliant. I'm pretty sure you can find a way to actually put the music in the game itself.

I agree with BerkaZerka. It was a great story, but didn't really take advantage of the site's features. I rated it higher than he did, but if you implemented some of what makes a storygame more than just a CYOA, it could get one of the highest scores on the site.

After reading description and the game length I thought its long, so better I decided to grab a chocolate but it was over by just clicking three times.

But the writing was really fantastic and mainly better than your name.

I get that it gives it that old game-book feel, but you really should have put the choices in the links if you ask me.

This deserves a much higher score than I Gave it (3/8), but here's why I can't rate it higher (yet): It does not take advantage of the awesome tools that make this site so great for creating interactive stories. I don't want to read it like a CYOA book; as you can make the story determine whether I've already been to Page X or have Item Y. It is tedious and off-putting to have to do it myself in the story and detracts from it.

That said: the story and writing itself is really well done. I like the setting and would read another installment of it. I will re-rate the game a lot higher later, if you ever decide to program in the page choices.