Inception doesn't mean what you think it means

Sometimes daydreaming can get you into trouble, but what do you do when it is other people's dreams that you have to watch out for? You have the unique ability to predict what kind of dreams other people will have, but lately, your own dreams have taken a bizarre turn in which you're being pursued by armies of cats. Stranger yet, you learn that the leader of the dream cats needs his body to access the Real World.

Finally, the strange becomes downright weird when a beautiful girl suddenly drops on top of you and announces that she's a Dream Demon looking for a way back to the Dream World. The fabric that separates reality and fantasy is torn to shreds, and you have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of you as you have to deal with both the dream stalking and a dream walking.

Besides gore, I also want to include a chapter where either the main character (you) gets raped by a guy, and kills him later on, or have intercourse with a girl. Is this too over the top with the 7/8 maturity rating? (I'll try to write less this time as to not spoil the fun of the story :D

...

"unh" she groans.

Ah, so this is how bloody it should get. Very inspiring! :)

Hahaha... WHAT!!!!???

How's it going guys? Sean here. I just wanted to post this thread to share my ideas about the first three paragraphs of my newest story game. Although I thought this a little bit too bloody, since I wanted some more opinion, I left it open to you's (intentional) to decide. Tell me what you think?

The October land is saturated with heat from the glaring sun, though the chill can already be felt from the occasional winds that dance around the road, kicking up particles of dirt and grime. The faraway mountains are shrouded by wisps of white; odd clumps of grey cling to its sides as though souls who have died valiantly in battle are reluctant to leave the soil where it shed its blood. The roadside is cluttered by irregularly shaped stones, and even the occasional tree springing out of the ground looks oddly hostile with its dying branches shaped in bizarre death throes.

Clouds in the sky are of dull white; the grassy hill shifts beneath the breeze. Though many believe a battle to be a glorious and exciting repast on open green fields, reality points the wrongs of common thought: real war is fought by ignorant young men with blood burning through their temples, and waged by anonymous old men with long noses and longer beards. These heartless old men have only their own interests in mind. None thought of the welfare of soldiers, none thought to the possibility of failure, and above all, none thought of the breaking of parents from their offspring. The grass on the hill is but an illusion. The hill is composed of bodies, and the grass, the red grass that moves so stubbornly beneath the high winds, were once used for grasping swords buckling shields.

The sound of horses and men vibrates through the still air. The dragoons marching in the forefront kick up storms of dust into the eyes of the prisoners trailing behind. Guardsmen armed with spears trail on either side of the procession. On the right side, a sheer slab of mountain stone blocks out the sun, and on the left, a steep drop to a dreary demise prevents any means of travel. There would be no attempted escapes. The prisoners' hands were locked by large wooden slabs chained to each other , and connected firmly to the wagon carrying heavy loads of equipment. These prisoners were no more than cattle; they will remain this way for the rest of their days.

Did the hill of fingers go a bit too far? Or does it fit snugly into the 7/8 maturity rating?

Almost 5% done with this story game - 47 pgs. so far, just 329 more to go :D 

After I re-published my story game, I suggested for some my friends to read the game. However, one of them had a problem with either a slow internet connection, or the page not loading, I don't really know, but apparently he clicked the ratings several times. Now the game rating scale is skewed if anyone bothers to check it. Does anyone know how to fix this problem?

Ok. I took it off the net. I'm currently editing and adding stuff to the story (alternative endings and stuff) anyone want to help me edit or maybe coauthor the book?

I know! That's exactly what I had in mind when I was writing the story. I had a straight through story in mind, but I didn't want the endings of each part to conflict with the beginnings of the next. I guess that's gonna get solved if I combined the whole thing ino one story.

If I bring the story down and un-publish it to make some grammar editing and give it some make-over, will it erase the comments or ratings? I don't really want to be rude. O.O

What do you mean by combining all the part? Do you mean by taking away chapters and meshing it into one whole story?

Hi people, Idk what I'm doing here but I just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone since I'm new here lol. Btw, (and you can tell this is the real purpose of my post) I just made a brand new story game. Idk how long it is, or how good the story is compared to others and I'd really like some feedback. Anyone care to help? Dream Router: First Barrage. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/dream-router~3a-the-first-barrage