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Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

How's it going guys? Sean here. I just wanted to post this thread to share my ideas about the first three paragraphs of my newest story game. Although I thought this a little bit too bloody, since I wanted some more opinion, I left it open to you's (intentional) to decide. Tell me what you think?

 

The October land is saturated with heat from the glaring sun, though the chill can already be felt from the occasional winds that dance around the road, kicking up particles of dirt and grime. The faraway mountains are shrouded by wisps of white; odd clumps of grey cling to its sides as though souls who have died valiantly in battle are reluctant to leave the soil where it shed its blood. The roadside is cluttered by irregularly shaped stones, and even the occasional tree springing out of the ground looks oddly hostile with its dying branches shaped in bizarre death throes.

Clouds in the sky are of dull white; the grassy hill shifts beneath the breeze. Though many believe a battle to be a glorious and exciting repast on open green fields, reality points the wrongs of common thought: real war is fought by ignorant young men with blood burning through their temples, and waged by anonymous old men with long noses and longer beards. These heartless old men have only their own interests in mind. None thought of the welfare of soldiers, none thought to the possibility of failure, and above all, none thought of the breaking of parents from their offspring. The grass on the hill is but an illusion. The hill is composed of bodies, and the grass, the red grass that moves so stubbornly beneath the high winds, were once used for grasping swords buckling shields.

The sound of horses and men vibrates through the still air. The dragoons marching in the forefront kick up storms of dust into the eyes of the prisoners trailing behind. Guardsmen armed with spears trail on either side of the procession. On the right side, a sheer slab of mountain stone blocks out the sun, and on the left, a steep drop to a dreary demise prevents any means of travel. There would be no attempted escapes. The prisoners' hands were locked by large wooden slabs chained to each other , and connected firmly to the wagon carrying heavy loads of equipment. These prisoners were no more than cattle; they will remain this way for the rest of their days.

 

Did the hill of fingers go a bit too far? Or does it fit snugly into the 7/8 maturity rating?

Almost 5% done with this story game - 47 pgs. so far, just 329 more to go :D 

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

It's fine; bloody, graphic, gore-filled stuff is generally fine as long as it actually makes sense in the story. We had a thread about this a little while ago and you can always just read Endmasters stories to get a general idea of how far you can go.

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Why the long noses? XD

Seems fine to me, good luck with it ^_^

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

(THEY ARE THE EVIL JEEEEEEEEWWWWSSSSS!!!)

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Hahaha... WHAT!!!!???

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Lol, we're allowed to make jokes about it, we're jewish.

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Ha ha, yeah, we just found it amusing your villains had long noses and beards. :P

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Eh, the way you described the scene is too artistic to be even near the graphic limit of this site.  That being said, violence is really never emphasized unless the details have some important plot / character connection or is represented as some sort of symbol or object of an extended metaphor.

So there aren't much limits on violence, unless it's ridiculously used.

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Even then, if you're using ridiculous violence as a sort of satire or parody, (I.E. A rediculously gory 90s action/horror/comedy movie death, or a Monty-Python style throat-ripping, or MK Fatality, or something just used to make a someone look scary, dangerous, or badass,) it should be just fine. as long as it fits into the maturity rating. Just make sure it isn't like "TEH DAY OF ALL TEH BLOD" by Anonytroll, but if you're just going to be graphic for graphic's sake, make sure that's the purpose of your story.

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED.

 

 

Hue

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

Ah, so this is how bloody it should get. Very inspiring! :)

Help for Story: is this too bloody / graphic?

10 years ago

I was wondering when it was going to get bloody and graphic. Lol.

I'd say you're good.