Khaleesi, The Reader

Member Since

2/7/2016

Last Activity

10/21/2018 10:26 AM

EXP Points

90

Post Count

5

Storygame Count

0

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0 wins / 0 losses

Order

Marauder

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0

Recent Posts

Does this make sense? on 4/23/2018 4:44:19 PM

OK. I see. 

Fyi that example was just something I made up. Completely unrelated.


Does this make sense? on 4/23/2018 3:42:46 PM

I see.

I always felt like I should introduce and set the story up before the inciting incident.

For example if a story is about a girl vacationing to France who visits a sketchy club, then runs into her doppelganger who then tries to frame her for murder...I might start it off with her at the hotel first (maybe getting ready) and introduce her as a character in a short scene before having her go to the club. Is that not okay?

Should I just go straight to the club in this instance?


Does this make sense? on 4/23/2018 2:56:10 PM

What about:

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and you and your best friend Cali, took to the balcony of her house to get some fresh air, after being inside watching films most of the day. You are lying on your stomach, while she lounges beside you, fiddling with the ends of her hair. A simple grey blanket under the two of you to shield your bodies. You didn't want any splinters from the wooded ground beneath you getting into your skin.

Or

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and you and your best friend Cali now lounge on the second floor balcony of her home. After being inside watching films most of the day, you revel in the well needed fresh air. You are lying on your stomach, while she sits beside you, fiddling with the ends of her hair. A simple grey blanket under the two of you to shield your bodies. You didn't want any splinters getting into your skin from the wooded ground beneath you.

I don't do well with details usually...or it takes me a few edits so I don't focus on it right away usually.


Does this make sense? on 4/23/2018 1:55:19 PM

I see your point about having convos people that are no longer there. Lol thanks.

It's just an excerpt so that's why it's random, but, yes, I do start with dialogue in the story

So something more like this:

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and you and your best friend Cali took to the balcony of her house to get some fresh air after being inside watching films most of the day. You are lying face down on your stomach, while she sits beside you, fiddling with the ends of her hair. A picnic blanket under the two of you.

Then dialogue here.*


Does this make sense? on 4/23/2018 1:00:28 PM

Writing dialogue and actions in present tense, but describing the scene in past tense.

EX. “I don’t know,” you reply, barely listening to Cali at all. You were laying face down on your stomach, while Cali sat beside you, fiddling with the ends of her hair. A picnic blanket under the two of you. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and you and your best friend Cali took to the balcony of her house to get some fresh air after being inside watching films most of the day.

OR

“I don’t know,” you reply, barely listening to Cali at all. You are laying face down on your stomach, while Cali sits beside you, fiddling with the ends of her hair. A picnic blanket under the two of you. It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon and you and your best friend Cali take to the balcony of her house to get some fresh air after being inside watching films most of the day.