TheChef, The Dramatist
Figured this was due for an update. Welcome to my profile!
I'm the Chef, connoisseur of all things horror. If you don't believe me, feel free to read anything from my wide collection of two storygames below.
Currently working on a sci-fi survival game using the variable and item systems on CYS, hopefully it comes out sometime this year. If you need any help with writing or site stuff, I shouldn't be your first choice with all the experience on this site, but I'll still help anyway.
Play as Tyler, a young man just trying to make sense of dating. When he gets some advice and a Disney+ account from his friend, Brad, there's only one logical thing to do.
Entry for Bucky's Year's End Contest
My entry for Gower's Contest: Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization
Explore the not-so-uninhabited ruins of Japan, after it had been completely annihilated in World War Two. Fifty years later, the travel ban is lifted, and James and his crew may be the first people to get a peek into this relic of a country. However, expect the unexpected, for James and his crew are not the only residents of the Land of the Setting Sun!
Hope y'all enjoy it! Please leave a comment, any feedback would be much appreciated!
V.2 - 183% less POV and tense errors, partly in thanks to the help of Shadowdrake27 and Mizal. Thank you both!
"[REDACTED], I'd like to begin with an apology."
Recent Posts2019: Objective Weighing of Value thread on 1/15/2020 8:21:57 PM
Thanks Mizal, I'll see what I can do about coming out with something that breaks 6 this year (with any luck). It's been fun participating so far.
CYS Mentor Program - (Beta) on 1/12/2020 2:33:06 PM
Ehhh I volunteer to be a mentor (obviously contingent on whether I pass your standards). I'm mostly good at immersive writing and creative ideas, and I can do a fair bit of proofreading on the side. My weakness is story planning (noted by inconsistencies in my stories), but I still think I make a pretty good candidate. Plus, I'm fairly available.
Miraculous Stories on 1/10/2020 10:23:31 AM
Is this an prologue? It's difficult to tell without anything following it up, but usually an prologue tells a separate piece of the story that you'll need for background knowledge. At least, in my experience. This just seems like the first paragraph of a story.
The writing itself is fine, I'd delete the words "as well" at the end of the fifth sentence so it flows a little better.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 9:17:42 PM
Yeah, I agree. What a weird thing, thanks for calling it out.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 8:40:38 PM
Aghhh, you've got to be joking. I've only heard of Full Metal Alchemist, I had literally zero idea that they mirrored each other like that. The boys in this story aren't summoning a demon to resurrect the dead, and I'm pretty sure that the similarities would likely end with the beginning scenario, but fuck, that's a little egregious. I'll have to read a summary.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 8:10:11 PM
Yeah hah, I might have to rewrite things further now, especially concerning the sudden tone shift you mentioned sensing in your last paragraph, dammit!
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 7:30:27 PM
Just read your article. I might have to go through what I've already written now, knowing such specific information. Changed all of them to the "thee" format as well, I didn't even notice that I'd switched.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 7:11:15 PM
After this scene of them summoning the demon, there's a few other things that happen that night and then there's a section during the next morning that elaborates more on the boys' lives, and might clear up their personalities a little more. It's probably one of the longer projects I've attempted, this is just the hook.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 7:07:51 PM
Hell yeah, thanks Bucky. Those changes make it flow far more naturally. I'll have to work on the candlelight paragraph a little more.
Eli: A New Project on 1/7/2020 6:21:13 PM
Been working on this for a little bit, and it's sitting at around 7k words so far. It's about a couple of kids living in North Carolina that manage to summon a demon in their home. This is the first page, ending in a "continue" choice, and now that the back to back contests are over I'll have some time to work on it. I'd appreciate any sort of feedback, ideas, or advice you guys got!
"So, all I have to do is lay out the candles?"
"Uhm... yeah. Pig's blood, two pints and paint a star with it. Then the petals from a purple rose, and candles in between the spokes."
"What about the con...duet?"
"Oh, shit, yeah, the conduit."
"Hey! Don't curse, you know He's watching!" I looked up at Andreas just as his pale face peeked over the candle he was holding. His curly brown hair glowed hauntingly as the flame bounced off of it. His small hands trembled while cupping the candle with both hands; it was hard to believe such a skittish kid was my younger brother sometimes.
"You didn't forget what we're doing, did you? I hope He's watching. Now hurry up and get something we can use." He sighed and stood up, running out into rest of the house. As he went, I slid the remaining candle in place and sat back on the pinewood floors, waiting.
The dim candlelight made even the most innocuous thing in our bedroom the stuff of nightmares. Shadows lengthened, details faded, and every peep of red light, like the blinking one from the fire alarm, became a beady eye. I'd taken down the glow-in-the-dark stars that had been on our ceiling earlier, but if I tampered with the fire alarm, I wasn't sure whether my parents would know. Candlelight was supposed to be the only source, so I hoped we'd get a pass on that small infraction. Little footsteps pounded on the wood floors as Andreas returned.
"This is the only thing I could find, Eli. But we can't use it! I think we just might have to wait." He held a small stuffed animal behind his back nervously. I rolled my eyes.
"Andy, hand it over," I said, holding out my hand. "Mom and Dad are only going to be out so long, we don't have time to wait." He reluctantly took his hands out from behind his back, revealing a large, white, stuffed polar bear.
"Okay, but you can't hurt Jerry, alright?"
He placed the bear in the middle of the circle delicately, making sure none of its limbs grazed the fire. His eyes flickered nervously up at me as I reached for the small, leather-bound book laying next to us.
"Who to summon... who to summon," I asked. "What about Beelzebub, lord of the flies?" Andreas stuck out his tongue in disgust and I laughed. "Okay, okay. Uhm... how about Amon?"
"What's he like?"
"Says in here that he 'repairs relationships', he can't be that bad." He nodded his head, and I skimmed through the book until I found the summoning words, and then cleared my throat.
“O Mighty Satan. I beseech thee to inspire Amon to manifest before me that he may give me true and faithful audience, so that I may accomplish my desired end, provided that it is properly bargained. This I respectfully and humbly ask in Your Name, Lord Satan, may you deem me worthy, Father.”
There was a palpable silence, as a gentle breeze wafted through our window and played with the rose petals. They scattered outside the pig's blood and throughout our room. That's when we heard something shatter within the house.