TheChef, The Contributor

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10/18/2019 9:36 PM

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Yo, I'm the Chef.  I like to write gruesome, gory, gnarly stuff.  I also have a soft spot for adventure, just ask Edmond.  


Chef's Book list as of September 2019:

Ready Player One (2011)       

80 pages of I Capture the Castle (1949)

All of MicroPen's Reviews (2019)



Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points


Daimon of Alexander

The truest warriors are born of circumstance, not a preordained prophecy.  

(12 pages done)

Recent Posts

Contest:Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization on 10/18/2019 12:02:27 AM

Unfortunately the Chef took a brief detour to a collection of smaller “paradise” planetoids on the way there, pilot suffering from a case of the “obligatory family reunion” virus.  After about a week of recovery, it’s going to take some serious afterburner use to catch up to the fleet.

Hogwarts IFComp game on 10/13/2019 8:48:59 PM

Haven't read the books since I was young, but I like most of the movies.  I'll have to check it out, being less discerning and all.

I Can't Find the Motivation to Write on 10/8/2019 9:29:26 PM

I'm not gonna repeat anything anyone else has said, they've all given really great advice.  I'd just like to add that whenever I get antsy or feel like I can't progress, I switch to speech-to-text to get ideas flowing more fluidly.  Most of this stuff comes out not being good enough for my stories, but it helps me defeat writer's block.  

Triple Agent Gower on 10/6/2019 9:12:00 PM

I don't really care about all this drama, all I want to know is what compelled you to choose an awful nickname like "unseater".  Even Dionysus Vision would've sounded less retarded.

Prompt: Write the Last Page of Sixteen Words on 10/5/2019 6:04:13 PM

Thanks man!  Yours was quite intense (in a great way), and I was glad my shaky knowledge of the Bible didn't keep me from following it.  

Prompt: Write the Last Page of Sixteen Words on 10/5/2019 5:07:16 PM

Thanks Gower, it was fun to write lol!

Prompt: Write the Last Page of Sixteen Words on 10/5/2019 4:57:02 PM


Jarrod leaned over the putrid contents of a rusty trash bin, trying not to expel his stomach into its depths.  If he could only stop the goddamn spinning, maybe he’d be able to stumble out to the goddamn curb again and show off his stump of an arm to anyone willing to throw a few quarters his way.  It wasn’t much to look at anymore, just a cauterized, crusted scab. What brought Jarrod’s stomach into his mouth was not the sight of it, but the memories.  

“Goddamn it! We’re relying on you Jarrod, stab the fucker and help us out!” 

The voice of his late lover echoed in his skull --every-- time he looked at it, and it wasn’t exactly easy to avoid, being his left arm and all.  He couldn’t even remember her face anymore, just the face of the man who’d destroyed his life. A face with angles that cut deep into his brain, and spread fear and infection on a whim.  He’d made Jarrod falter then, and did the same now. His white knuckles tightened on the rim of the trash can.

New York had not been kind to him.  “Kinder than the sewers perhaps,” he thought as he traced thin scars along his stomach.  He’d been moving from block to block for as long as he could remember.  One of the local bums yelled something at him from down the darkened alley, but he ignored the man, wasn’t worth his time.  The only thing worth a damn anymore was this trash can. Something was keeping him from spilling his bowels though, and he couldn’t exactly put a finger on it.

“Hey, you fuckin’ deaf?  I see what you’ve got in your pocket, hand it over!”  Jarrod’s brain sighed internally, as it sensed a fight incoming.  The bum was coming at him aggressively with a bottle, a generic template for the loads of people he’d pounded over the years.  He grabbed the bottle with his right hand, slamming it against the bum’s head in one fluid motion, causing him to run into the side of the alley.  Red sticky blossoms appeared on the man’s head, but he was unfazed.

“Oh, you’ve got some fight in ya? Well then guess I’ll--”.  Jarrod shoved his fist into the man’s mouth, tired of his talk.  Violence was always something he had, something he could call home.  The bum stumbled backwards, about to hit his head on the pavement and knock himself out.  Jarrod used to find some sort of joy in fighting; he could remember that it used to have purpose.  

The bum tripped over his trash can and spilled its contents all over himself, knocking himself out as predicted.  Jarrod cursed, now he’d have to find some other receptacle. Something caught his eye in the waste, however. A blue and red, spandex outfit, with white lines all over it, like some sort of design.  Its colors were bright and stood out among the alley. Jarrod picked it up and held it aloft at arm's length, spinning his hand around to see it from all angles. It looked familiar, like he’d seen it on TV.

It was the costume of that crazy guy that had been flying around the city, fighting mob bosses and saving people who needed saving.  Jarrod reckoned he was a good guy, but his fighting skills could use a little touching up. That spandexed man needed to be a little more direct, a little more brutal, so that the villains wouldn’t come back.  The costume, dingy and destroyed as it might be, looked to be about Jarrod’s size, and he pondered on it for a moment before stepping behind a dumpster. Indecency had put him behind bars more than a couple times.

It WAS the right size after all, and Jarrod flexed a little bit to prove it to himself.  Of course, the left arm dangled rather uselessly, but a pair of scissors would fix that nicely.  Perhaps he could find the other spandexed man, and show him a few of his moves. If he wasn’t willing to listen, Jarrod had a couple different ways of convincing him.  Jarrod emerged on the sidewalk confidently, for the first time in years, excited for battles to come.

Should you allow your children to play online game on 10/2/2019 4:12:03 AM


You’re going to need to sell yourself a little better than that if you hope to compete against my C.H.E.F. Portable Entertainment games.  Just from a fellow businessman to fellow businessman, who longs for some real competition.  Your supposed “eye-catching” games look like dogshit, GamesBX, do you even have VR support yet?  Look, I hope to see an actual engaging sales pitch next time, I really do want you to succeed so I can eventually buy you out.


My storygame on 10/1/2019 10:25:15 PM

Sigh, before you get trampled by the impending mob that smells "Anastasia" blood in the water, I'd advise you to not take things so personally.  Of course, since I've just explained something you probably think you already understand, this is a good way to practice not getting mad.  Do it with me now... breathe in.... breathe out...

Contest:Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization on 10/1/2019 8:48:45 PM

One more month indeed, the pressure is on.  This is awesome, by the way lol.