mattc, The Contributor

Member Since

5/8/2017

Last Activity

7/20/2017 8:54 AM

EXP Points

177

Post Count

192

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

1 win / 0 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

3

I hate it when I have so much to say but there's little time to say it.

That's how I feel about this profile. I'm writing this as my door splinters under the collective hammering of the Rabaul, who shriek unknowable things. For better or for worse, I am drawn to this feverous cacophony. I stare, waiting with bated breath, and resist the urge to throw myself against the crumbling frame. My mind pleads in gibberish to creep into the corners of the room; my soul lies in perfect tranquility. It is easy to lose oneself in the madness of domestic matters like these. I just want to know if the path beyond is convex or concave.

Basically I just want to write, write, write and this seems like a worthwhile way to do so.

 

If anyone wants to check up on what I'm doing now I'll have it all here. I'm #newbie so don't expect too much from around here. Below are updates to the project(s) I'm working on right now.

 

I live in Australia so I'll probably spell words such as 'legalize' as 'legalise'. Fight me.

 

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Current project(s):

#1

Title: Fantasy Adventure Story Thingy?

Stage in writing (~>):

[*Still happening] Initial brainstorming - developing ideas

~> Planning stage - making diagrams and so forth

[OUTDATED] Eureka! I have an idea. I want to make a medieval-fantasy 'strategy' storygame (emphasis on story since the game aspect of all this is still new to me). By strategy, I'd like to have a story where, as a commander of an army, you need to lead your troops to victory. I'd like to base the social + military hierarchy in this story on either Rome or pre-Meiji era Japan (when there were Daimyos and cool shit like that). It could end up being a mix between, or become completely different. So far, the plot will have a narrative throughline of divine(religious?) fanaticism (hopefully portrayed in a similar way to 'His Dark Materials' by Philip Pullman) that threatens to destroy the world. It starts out as open conflict against another nation and turns into a 'save the world' scenario. Along the way things happen. My main focus at this point is figuring out what happens in the story and deciding how I would structure the CYOS (https://heterogenoustasks.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/standard-patterns-in-choice-based-games/). If anyone has any suggestions or wants to talk about this, shoot them at me.

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[SEMI-OUTDATED]The medieval-fantasy genre is now expanded to include elements of steampunk. After some quality feedback on my basic idea, I have derived some more vision into what I'm doing. That is:

1.

I'm going to have most of the narrative stakes tied to the strategy segments of the story. This means that the course of the story and the outcomes of its complications are mostly decided by the reader's decisions during such segments. That doesn't guarantee only significant choices lie in these segments (but considering the scale of how much would probably be in here, who knows?). After those segments are finished, the focus will shift back to progressing the story, which will then build up to another strategy segment.

2.

This project will be a storygame, which means there'll be less emphasis on items or other fancy scriptwork. Variables in the same vein as 'scores' or 'stats' will be integrated into the story. 

3.

The structure of the story will (most likely) follow a branch and bottleneck format. 

"There is a story, it branches around, maybe there's some love interests or minor quests, etc. Perhaps some of the branches lead to tips related to the best strategies to employ at the next bottleneck point (or perhaps a later bottleneck). Then, the bottleneck is a high point, and a battle of some sort that takes you into the next phase of "non battle" time and lots more branching, maybe some story development that follows from before, maybe some other stuff."

- Ogre11, 2017

Thanks to mizal and Ogre11 for the feedback!

http://chooseyourstory.com/forums/writing-workshop/message/22828

I am currently in the planning stage. Once I have an outline I'll start writing, and along the way flesh things out. Feel free to ask any questions (within reason) about the story.

While I do appreciate any offers of co-authorship, currently I cannot spare the extra time needed to coordinate with another human bean over this project. Later down the track this may not be true, but until then I'm doing this in my downtime.

I should probably record the dates of these so here it is, update on 12/05/2017.

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~> We have an update! I have now finished planning and I know where I want to go in terms of plot. There is one prominent change.

Since I want your decisions to affect the course of battle etc., I decided to have the setting/world change depending on the choices you make. An example of this setting change could be, in Battle A of Timeline A, large catapults will be used to send flaming balls of lead crashing into a column of cavalry. In Battle A of Timeline B, steam-powered, automatic turrets spray cones of death at armoured vehicles. Depending on whether you invested in training your soldiers, developing technology etc. etc. these massive changes will accommodate for your decision. 

So I'm now officially in the writing phase! That is, once test block is over. Again, if anyone has any queries or ideas (within reason) - I'd love to hear themWhile I do appreciate any offers of co-authorship, I'm now planning on keeping this a one-man job. Thanks anyway!

Date - 01/06/2017

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Currently using yWriter5 to do things alongside NotePad, MS Word and OneNote.

 

    

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Storygames

Fantasy Adventure Story Thingy?
unpublished

I want to start off by challenging myself so I went for possibly one of the hardest 'genres' to do well (my opinion) - especially in choose-your-story format. Fantasy adventure. I have reasonable confidence in my writing ability and want to see what I can learn from this foray into storygames. 

This is an adventure. So I want to include lots of fun things to read whilst maintaining a cohesive narrative 'through-line' and a 'good plot'. There will actually be a description about what this thingy will be when I have reached a stage in my planning that warrants me to do so. My progress can be tracked under the 'Current project(s)' (can't miss it) section in my profile.


Recent Posts

New draft for my storygame on 7/19/2017 7:07:41 AM

Also, I'd think you would benefit from reading through ASOIAF if you haven't already. Martin is a god at making words flow seamlessly.

e: rip editlock, now I can't reword my points. Oh well.

 

TL;DR

Consider this, if each word is used alongside a justification for its existence, then your writing style (and so forth) would come through invariably.

Proof-read work by checking for good flow in your writing. I do so by reading the text aloud. 


New draft for my storygame on 7/19/2017 6:59:36 AM

Welp, I'm going to throw in my two cents here, keeping in mind that I've only read ASOIAF and have watched very little of the TV series. Hopefully my opinion helps out. 

 

"Before you and all standing around an improvised table made using a large log is your father's War Council, a collection of powerful and influential lords, knights, commanders and allies that over the years have earned your father's trust, gratitude, or at least haven't managed to completely piss him off."

I can see what you tried to say here, but this is both wordy and awkward. As the first thing I read, that didn't set a good expectation. In red is the 'worst' part of this sentence. An easy way to make run-on sentences shorter and 'to-the-point', which 'sharpens' what you've written, is to break it up. For example,

You strode into the tent, and before you stood father's War Council. Over the years, his gratitude and trust has bought himself strong allies. *Appeasing these powerful men will be - and always will be, a touchy business.*

* * = 'This sentence could be moved elsewhere further down the paragraph.'

What I've set out to do is establish a mood of tension by addressing this scene with an 'air of reverence' towards the War Council. Seeing that they aren't an inept or light-hearted entourage (that only follows MC's father around for his favour), I removed the line "or at least haven't managed to completely piss him off". 'cos, y'know, it won't fit. By splitting the sentence up, there's greater strength behind the utterance of these words compared to its arduous counterpart. If you want to manipulate the sounds of words etc. to create mood, reading it aloud helps out. A lot. I could apply the same method to the next sentence, which is:

"Some of them are vassals of House Purell such as the Bryants and the Hardwoods, though others are equal allies of your family, either through ancient treaty or through marriage as is the case of House Spearbright, the maiden house of your mother, Greta Purell."

Take two:

Some are tied to us by marriage and tradition, such as House Spearbright. Others are benefactors of our generosity, which is the case for House Bryant and House Hardwood. Father believes that all of them are our blood brothers, but *appeasing these powerful families will be - and always will be, a touchy business.*

The structure of the following is truly an info dump. Since this isn't a part of the present story, I'd only describe the relationships between MC and her family using 'story-writing' AKA sentences and paragraphs. Although it's not as confusing as the first sentence, when you're editing this it would be wise to approach the segments about MC's family with a similar approach to mine - and make sure it all flows smoothly and reads well. If it isn't fun to read then you might as well leave the info in dot points.

That leads onto my second suggestion, which is to summarise father's allies using separate pages for each - with a contents page beneath the writing linking to each page. Doing so breaks down the writing into shorter and separate works, which could be more interactive and engaging for the reader. Furthermore, doing so may give each House some sort of distinguishing trait/make each one more memorable. Point is, breaking up this info dump would be more appealing. As a rough draft, this clearly conveys what you've set out to write about. This would, however, greatly benefit from some more proof-reading/editing. Nice work!

 


BZ's Summer Slam Contest! on 7/19/2017 5:20:03 AM

I'm trying to imagine how someone could smoke a blunt with EDGE. So yeah, it makes me uncomfortable. 


BZ's Summer Slam Contest! on 7/19/2017 4:37:27 AM

Dunno, it's probably more a hippie thing but it could be edgy.

nvm, just disregard the whole edgy weed smoking pls


BZ's Summer Slam Contest! on 7/19/2017 4:33:36 AM

Anti-heroes are allowed, so edgy heroes who smoke blunts and such should also be allowed - seeing that most anti-heroes ooze with edge. Also, vigilantes are technically working outside of the law and its jurisdiction so I wouldn't think petty/tame crimes would cross the line when vigilantes are considered heroes in these guidelines.


Things that perked Steve's attention on 7/12/2017 5:06:24 AM

1.

There doesn't seem to be a flat-out right or wrong to the whole Gard situation. The parents are 'right' / 'good' for trying to save the kid (assuming that the $1.5m they raised are going to pay for the treatment) since that's their job. On the other hand, the court is 'right' / 'good' for considering the child's wellbeing. Seeing that the wellbeing of Charle would likely stagnate/worsen if they tried to go through with treatment, and improvement is slim, shouldn't it also be in the parents'  best interests to end the kid's suffering? On the basis that the answer to that is yes, then I would say the court is ultimately in the right. Weighing up how much the child's wellbeing would be affected should be how the government gauges the need to intervene, so there is where the line should be drawn. 

 

2.

Child porn = "any visual depiction, including any photograph, film, video, picture, or computer or computer-generated image or picture" that "is, or appears to be, of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct". 

By that definition, the kid shouldn't be slammed. IMO if someone's ordering sex dolls that are modeled after children they should be locked up. This is simply because the question of 'why should a computer-generated image of a minor engaging in whatever be child porn and not a blow-up doll of a child to be used for whatever?' comes up. I can't see a reason why to exclude sex dolls. When it comes to cartoons/hentai I have no idea. Obviously, child sex/rape for artistic purposes (for example, Game of Thrones) is excluded from the this labelling. Dunno if that applies to drawn porn.

 

3.

Yeah it's sexist. At least there won't be men raping women there lol. It's a cheap way to solve the issue - since they won't need to amp up the security fees.

 

Anyways, this is the stupidest shit I've ever read.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War


Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin on 7/11/2017 1:53:04 AM

The way AoT subverts the expected (eg. Eren getting his leg bitten off and the sudden appearance of the colossal titan just when things were looking up) made it pretty clear that 'no one is safe'. From what I recall, that was what I liked and appreciated most from a structural viewpoint. Overall, I found it to be a solid show, but the long hiatus between season one and two (or whichever one took several years to make idremember) has drained away all my hype for the series - so it was enjoyable but not as memorable as some other anime I've watched.


Co-Editor for school based game on 7/10/2017 5:06:02 AM

More info would be helpful.


Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin on 7/10/2017 5:01:47 AM

I've only watched the first season when it was airing so I've forgotten almost everything about it. What did you like about it though? 


Writing Stimulus: Examples of Heroism on 7/2/2017 5:29:51 AM

Oh, and if anyone wants to watch the match they can see it below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dj9esk2kfY