Huzzah! After one year, I've finally began my very first storygame!
A small excerpt of what I've done (in fact, this is all I've managed to do, :P). As per subject title, I definitely want opinions on what sucks balls and what's good. And please, don't try to hold back your criticisms. I understand the nature of them is for improvement, and I'm sure I can handle any negative opinions. Just don't be a jackass for the sake of being a jackass.
Anyway, excerpt behold:
You struggle to open your eyes against a piercing, deathly bright light. It's almost as if you can't force your eyes open, at all, even though you're applying all your concentration to such a menial task. Suddenly, and without any real reason, you notice the light is gone, and has been replaced by darkness.
You open your eyes, and, true to your intuition, the room you'll in is utterly swallowed in darkness, and you're seemingly alone. Trying to catch sense of your surroundings, you notice you are unable to. Realizing such a task is futile, you try to remember your most recent memory. However, just as you were unable to make sense of your surroundings, try as you might, you can't remember anything that you had done recently.
While trying to fight the mental weaknesses of the human body, you see a rather large orb of energy just out of the corner of your eye. You follow it's progress through the room, which you note is remarkably easy, considering it's the only source of light. After exploring the room, it comes to a halt several feet ahead of your current position.
In a enormously odd display, the specter begins to shift and writhe until it takes an appearance of a medieval courtier. You realize that this couldn't possibly be happening, and believing it to be a dream, you pinch yourself in hopes of removing yourself from this strange world. As you do so, the specter grins and waves you over to a desk in the room. Either though you can tell it has a definite structure, as you approach, it appears to weave and bend in odd angles that clearly violate all reasonable law of space and physics; at least the ones you're familiar with.
He gestures down at the contents of the desk. You follow his hand and notice a strikingly formal piece of parchment. Using the specter’s illumination, you notice two things.
The first is the phrase “day of death. The second, is yesterday's date. Yesterday... you rack your brain to try and remember what happened yesterday. You try your best to once again to try and remember what happened, but it happens to be just as futile as prior times. Hoping to gain more information, you take a second glance at the strange document, and you spot something that you didn't notice before. After this piece of information sinks in, your face becomes stark white as the you realize the truth of your predicament.
You see a name. But, it's not just any name. In fact, it's a name you're extremely familiar with. It's your name.
With this new found information, all of your memories rush into your mind; from your birth and conception up to what you believe to be your last moments. The details of the last event of your life are extremely vivid, citing it extremely similar to a lucid dream, except you are unable to alter any events, seeing as how they've already occurred. Due to a bombardment of so much information and memory, you consciousness is unable to sustain it, and you begin to black out. Before doing so, you illicit one final thought at you're peculiar situation:
Goddamnit, I'm dead.
