I was wondering what you thought of this: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/project-t~2dh
Give me feedback. What can I improve?
How can I make it better?
Where would you like to see it go?
Interested to hear your feedback, and ideas.
I actually really liked this, you did a good job hooking and layed out most of the major characters.
Though I don't really know how you're going to go with this wether it'll be a school based story or you'll go full on Fantasy Adventure which would be much more preferable in my opinion.
I figured that I'd go with a Fantasy Adventure, but I'll admit, I'm a little stuck on where to go from here.
Thanks. I'll try to make the transition into the class room more natural, as well as try to make ages more apparent.
Fixing up punctuation will be a pain, but if it makes it better, I'll see what I can do.
Things like the setting I've been working on for almost a year (writing a proper novel in my spare time), so maybe it would be best to explain that the sort of oppression that is going on in this early stage of the country is more on the financial side. As the story continues, this will change.
Other issues you point out, like how oblivious the character is, is more for the reader's sake, but I'll see what I can do.
Thanks again. I'll enact on this feedback right away!
I'm quite intrigued by the elves and how their memory works. I've only gone through a few pages so far, but idea wise it seems good. Others have taken care of the technical critiques, and I have nothing to add on them for the moment, but I'll definitely back up that it will need polishing before it's considered complete.
Maybe I should make the path you took more branching.
I like your critiquing style; it's got a certain flavor to it.
Don't worry about that.
If you did offend me (which you didn't) I'd rather have something to work on then a generic "Everything's perfect. Don't change anything." If you know what I mean.
I must admit, that's a lot to take in.
Thanks for that. I think you've given me plenty to work on for a while.
You're right about American English not being my first language, but I don't think my Australian English is the problem so much as my poor literacy skills.
I reckon you're right about the ages but it will take some time to readapt the story to the change.
As for time era, it is meant to be mid-early industrial revolution, but they are living in a nonindustrial zone. I could try to explain this, but I struggle with natural lore exposition (which is why the protagonist doesn't even know their own race).
I see what I can do about a lot of this, but the description was left blank because I'm not sure how the story will turn out yet.
Thank you for your passionate feedback, and I'll get to work immediately.