I'm trying to add choices whenever it's reasonable, but at this point I'm up to 20 pages with at least 20 more to go for a scene that would take ten minutes in a movie. I wanted to keep it suspensful and underline the danger, but I wonder if I should cut some of this out. I know I couldn't do a longer game in this much detail.
And will players be upset about dying a lot?
And is 2500 words reasonable for 20 pages?
For a different story I'd write longer pages, the choices here are moment to moment though so I think they're a decent length for the amount of events happening. Not sure if there are players here who will just always consider short pages to be bad though, I can see that obviously the site has a preference for giant novels.
It really depends. 2500 for a first story is pretty good and if it is spaced out and well written with verbose language that yeah I would say it is pretty good. The average recommended length is actually 15 pages if you're going for a short story of sorts.