4/1/2023

9/14/2025 8:44 PM

377

2

1 win / 2 losses

Architect

“This is the ending all stories must eventually reach:
silence around an empty stage.”

—Unknown

Lazarus Cage

They want to keep you bound in the dark, but you won't let them. You will get out, fight and flee, fail and die, then try again and again...

Nautilus

Grudges must always be the first to die when a storm arrives.

After years away you return home to your dying father, but will you be able to get your brother to forgive you for leaving? And will you step up to the challenge to inherit your father's most prized possession?

Written as part of the 2023 Spring/Summer Contest: Gone Fishin' it is a game with a much bigger focus on story than gameplay, but still there is a decent amount of endings and variation for something this short.

He probably at one point saw Ogre perform a different heroic act. I wouldn't be surprised considering it's Ogre.

At first I didn't understand why so many people like Ogre, but then one day as I was going to a history lecture I saw a burning building. People started to gather and there was no emergency rescue in sight. Then out of nowhere Ogre pushed past the crowd and ran into the building. A few minutes later he came out with a full litter of kittens in his arms. Without pause he put the kittens in a safe spot and then ran back in as the roof started to collapse. I honestly thought he was dead as I couldn't see him in the smoke, but then suddenly Ogre leapt out of the second story window and landed right in front of us. Two old ladies on his shoulders. When the firefighters finally arrived he was done performing CPR on the one that was still unresponsive. As they took over the rescue efforts I lost sight of him. At that point I decided to not loiter any more and continued to my lecture, the incredible scene still stuck in my mind as I started to get the whole Ogre thing. Even as I sat down in the lecture hall regaining focus was a struggle. That's when Ogre walked in, his shirt still charred in places, and without even acknowledging that he was in fact a minute late began his presentation about the wild west and exploits of a notorious Mercer Gang. That day really changed how I look at Ogre. I like Ogre.

Read the top post, it explains it well enough.

Both of those were pretty good. I feel like A could've won if it was up against most older entries, but B was extremely well done, mostly because it didn't try for any fancy twists of elaborate stories. A's biggest problem was pacing, which made the whole thing somewhat confusing, especially by the end, and the fact that its plot relies on our protagonist eating an entire container of crayons before the story started. Also was the victim originally supposed to be a girl? When describing Mother a daughter is mentioned, but then the victim is a boy so that adds a little to the confusion. Meanwhile I don't think I can point at anything specific that I disliked with B. Not even in terms of nitpicking, which is impressive, but means I don’t have much to say about it beyond that it was great. We got just enough worldbuilding that we knew what was going on and the small character arc of Micheal really rounded the whole thing out. I didn’t even mind that it had to tell us some things instead of showing them since that was a trade-off to maintain the much better pacing. So yeah I’m gonna vote B and also mention that as a short story that was the best I’ve seen so far in the Thunderdome.

Then yeah sticking with female since that way nothing significant in my life changes while growing up as either of the other two in my area would not be a fun experience back then.

Straight White Male (original I know) -> Straight White Female I'm hinging my choice on the assumption this is more like reality shifting to make it so I was always female and not End barging into my place with a pair of gardening scissors aimed at my dick.

LOL I heard you guys had trouble following the prompt last time, but if that is what you were given this time it must’ve been really bad. Anyway, about Story A: If I need to google whether the holiday used is actually a thing I don’t think it’s a good one to use as a way to make up for not following the prompt previously. Still I appreciate the creativity and at least it’s more unique than, I don’t know, Christmas (wink wink). Unfortunately not that much happens for most of the story with almost half of it being travel, and sightseeing. This is even more of a problem when a significant part of what was established about our protagonist, which is the only thing that makes that half not pointless, is contradicted in the second half. Now it’s not entirely unbelievable that someone’s beliefs might lose out to basic survival instincts once the thing they believe in actually comes true, but there was no explanation for the protagonist’s resistance to abduction contradicting his wishes to be abducted at the beginning. Maybe having them witness aliens actively attacking as a catalyst to change his mind could have smoothed out the transition. I liked the “I don’t like this holiday anymore.” line as a way to end it, but ending it just as it was getting interesting kind of cancels that out. An unfortunate byproduct of wasting paragraphs for travel and anal probing jokes. Alternatively one could fix most issues by changing the protagonist from a UFO enthusiast travelling from afar to a “non-believer” local. That way we can skip the journey and establish the place in fewer words, leaving more space for the actual event. Also that way would remove the contradiction in characterization and make the twist a bit more impactful from the main character’s point of view. Meanwhile Story B: Congrats on taking the path of least resistance in terms of the prompt, and then continuing down that path with a never before seen story of an axe-wielding serial killer attacking random strangers in the woods. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason this is such a well established trope. It works as a decent framework for easy thrills, and you get bonus points for our victims actually having a reason to be out in the woods, but you make them being there make so much sense that it in turn makes the killer look like an absolute moron between openly attacking three people at once, two of which are young and fit to defend themselves, and doing so in broad daylight. Aside from that it’s a solid story, and starting it at the end as a teaser before going back in time works well in building suspense for this kind of thing. My only real gripe would be that one single line of dialogue that almost gave me whiplash, but I can tell that you were bouncing from the word count limit, which is probably why that’s a thing. Overall I did like both stories in a sense that it wasn’t a waste of 10 minutes to read them, but Story B had fewer issues that impacted enjoyment so that’s where my vote goes. A gets bonus points for the idea, but sadly fell a bit short in its execution.

Since my post was rather vague I do intend to join. Also as much as we appreciate the effort put in don't overwork yourself for our sake.

That sounds fun