WouldntItBeNice, The Expert Scrivener

Member Since

1/21/2016

Last Activity

11/16/2019 9:41 AM

EXP Points

2,596

Post Count

1074

Storygame Count

12

Duel Stats

32 wins / 34 losses

Order

Notorious Marauder

Commendations

205
If you want to know more about me, send me a PM. Anyway, I'm fairly nice but my writing abilities are sorta competent now. Still, that's not stopping me from improving!

Please rate my storygames, especially Azula and Zuko, Don't Hurt Me Again, Solstice, No Quarter, Darius, and The Duet. Those are my best ones. Thank you!

Have a nice day.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Jointly won the 2017 Wilderness Contest Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured Rated 59.5% of all Stories Given by EndMaster on 08/21/2019 - For your ongoing contributions to the site.

Storygames

4-Simplex

The barrier between impossible and possible is thin.

This is an entry for the Summer Slam contest.

You will be individually following Billy Joe, Runt, Virgil, and Slim.

Author's Notes:
Each character has their own storyline that is intertwined with the others' own storylines, so your choices will effect the paths of multiple characters simultaneously in little and big ways. A choice can have a large effect even if it does not appear to do so at first, so choose carefully. Sometimes, a character's storyline is blocked (by dying) until another character does something different. Lastly, try to be nice and try not to die, for it is very helpful to do both of those things.

Also, I am deeply grateful for Tyrannosaurusrex's beta-reading. Your imputes were very helpful. Thank you so much.


Featured Story About Darius and the Desert God

This's an entry to EndMaster's Romance Contest.

Just because I write something or a character believes in a certain belief does not mean that I endorse it. In fact, there are several actions in here that are detestable to me, but I included them anyway. Then again, there's also paths that I really like from a moral standpoint.

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? -- Mark 8:36

Also, thank you very much to Ikiriakos for beta testing my storygame! Your input was very helpful in clearing up some rather odd things plot-wise.



EDIT: I fixed some grammatical errors. Also, Darius is a prince now instead of a crown prince due to Steve's suggestion. I made a few aesthetic adjustments as well.

Featured Story Azula and Zuko


This is a contest entry for End Master's Fanfiction contest.

This is an Avatar: the Last Airbender fanfiction that focuses on Azula's life and her relationship with Zuko.

Claire of Lune

This was an entry for the Chaos Contest. Now it's just here for you to enjoy.

 

A frozen winter can be akin to Hell
So listen to this story that I will tell
Crazies throw the world into Chaos today
There's no way for me to keep evil at bay

Crazies should give you fright
Especially their bite
While the men act like beasts
Wanting tomorrow's feasts


Don't Hurt Me Again
This is an entry for BZ's Creatures of the Night Contest. There are two different kinds of monsters. One is a monster because of what they are, like vampires or zombies. Others are monsters because of what they do. They wear human flesh, but they are not human.

Life as a Time Traveler

Steve is a time traveler, but he is not a superhero. He does not use his powers for battling evil or being evil. In fact, he does not even know what to do with his gloomy and crumbling life.  Perhaps today things will be different. Perhaps today his present and future will be saved by... quite a special person.

Author's Note: The endings depend on Steve's previous decisions. There is one special ending found half way through the game, one sad ending, two real endings that are found at the end, and the true epilogue that is the best ending. (The best ending has Stephanie in it in case you are wondering.)


Neon Genesis Evangelion
This is a what-if fanfiction for Neon Genesis Evangelion. If you want a guide on making the right choices, click this link.

Things you need to know:

The creatures called Angels are "monsters" that intended to cause the Third Impact to destroy humanity. They would unite with the original Angel in NERV's lowest level of their base in Tokyo-3. They are not heavenly angels.

Evangelion units are giant cyborgs grown from the DNA of the first Angels. They were built by the paramilitary organization NERV who combats the Angels with their pilots all of whom are (by necessity) fourteen since Second Impact occured fourteen years ago.

Rei Ayanami is the First Child: pilot for Eva unit 00. She recently died… sorta. Rei is not normal to say the least.

Asuka Langley is the Second Child: pilot for Eva unit 02. She lost the will to live and is now in the hospital after being suicidal and depressed.

Shinji Ikari is the Third Child: pilot for Eva unit 01 and the son of Gendo (the secretive, asshole leader of NERV). He just killed the final Angel who happened to be his new best friend. Now, he's depressed as well.

Description:
Kaworu, the final angel, died. All is set to start Instrumentality; however, Gendo realizes Rei's rebellious nature and delays both NERV and SEELE. With both sides manipulating for their own benefits, it leaves the pilots with more time. Their world, bodies, and minds are broken. Could Shinji, Asuka, and Rei heal before it is too late or will they only hurt each other more?

Now, I thank my amazing beta.

Mayana, you are the best beta reader ever. Without a doubt, this storygame would be horrible without your help. You found countless errors, made me change countless awkwardly worded sections, and had me clarify parts. In all, you read way over 100,000 words diligently. You countless hours of toil has helped this storygame improve immensely.

Maya, you went above and beyond what anyone could expect of a beta. You have my dearest thanks and gratitude.

No Quarter

This is a fan fiction of Led Zeppelin's song "No Quarter".

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It is also an entry for the New Frontier Contest.


Featured Story Solstice

This is part of the School Based storygame contest.

This is Lawrence's final few days at Hawthorn School. Things become... memorable.

There is also an indirect sequel to one of the endings (the one with the highest point value). Here it is.

EDIT:
After two years, I want through and made a few slight changes. I polished a few things and made several grammar and spelling corrections.


The Carnival, Ginny, and I

This is the story of Ginny and Ethan's times at the carnival. As the years pass, can Ginny and Ethan's friendship continue or will their paths no longer intertwine? Will Ethan overcome his avid dislike of roller coasters?

Can their friendship bloom into something greater?

EDIT:
Okay, after viewing the comments, I too realized the massive error I had created in the original ending. Thank you Briar Rose, Bucky, and Steve24833 for you comments. I truly mean that. In fact, I burst out laughing (at my story) when I read the comments,especially Briar Roses. Thank you.

Now, there are two endings. The first is the original (with a few small changes), and the new one is much different from the other one. (They also wrote to each other because this story took place before the internet became widely public.)


The Duet
This's an indirect sequel to my storygame Solstice. You don't need to play it to understand this one. I did have fun writing this. I've been meaning to return to Hawthorn School for nearly two years.

You never got along with her well. Cerise acts very abrasive. For the past few weeks, she's been raving about the talent show for your middle school. It's a big deal. Parents come in to see their kids perform, a rare opportunity to show off when you hardly ever see them. And Cerise likes to show off, a lot. The day before the talent show, you're confused. Why is she hiding behind a tree crying?

If you're wondering what the piece Jesus bleibet meine Freude sounds like when it's mentioned in the story, here's an audio file.


EDIT: I fixed the grammar errors that I could find. Also, the jacket choice does matter. One of them opens up a choice for you later on that wouldn't be there otherwise.

EDIT #2: I had a hilariously unfortunate error. Essentially, I had a wrong link that caused 60% of the story to be skipped yet still seemed logical enough to not throw off the readers. Shoot. Well, that's fixed now.

Waiting for the (Trump) Train

Alternate title: WIBN Parodies Annoying Stuff

TRIGGER WARNING: If you personally know Trump, have ever heard of Trump, know anybody who knows Trump, know anybody who has ever heard of Trump, or has political beliefs of any kind, please do not play.

None of your choices have any effect. If you do see a choice having an effect, then you must be clearly wrong. Heck, it isn't like this is a site where you can choose your own story or anything.

The story is told though you own choices. Don't argue with me. Your choices have no meaning, but the entire storygame is told through your choices.

Also, please do not comment or rate my storygame. I published it not to improve my abilities as a writer. My feelings will be hurt if you even think about commenting especially if your comments are not nice. Also, men cannot comment because sexism or something.


01Test
unpublished

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Demon no Hero
unpublished

Hell Is Empty
unpublished
A furious town of a couple hundred people have gathered to execute you, the demon who killed their children; however, there are two problems. First, you're innocent. Second, a traveling holy maiden decided to save you with her powerful and deadly powers...

Find all nine endings if you want. Some perhaps give a fuller picture.

This is an entry for Mizal's Lone Hero Contest too.

NGE: How to Win
unpublished
Don't bother clicking the play game link. Everything is in this description.

So, you wanna win my storygame Neon Genesis Evangelion? First, this storygame has two different types of choices. One is a bad choice that'll just get you killed. The others seem to be mostly harmless but turn out to be game changers later on.

As a general rule, take action whenever possible and try to build stronger relationships with the three pilots. To be more specific...

Choice 1: Attempt to Fix Them. I'm evil, so if you choose the other option, it won't seem to be important until the end. If you don't choose this, then you can't get the True Ending.

Choice 2: I Want to Pilot My Eva. The other one results in suicide.

Choice 3: Protect Her. About twenty pages from now, Asuka will die unless you choose this option.

Choice 4: Either one is fine. I initially planned otherwise, but I ended up really liking both. You can win after making either choice. Also, sorry. You have five links now with no choices. I feel bad about that.

Choice 5: Fabricate a Lie to Explain Asuka's Scars. Yes, that's a long title for a choice. Again, this'll matter at the end.

Choice 6: Comfort Him. Again, this one is important. It's also one of my favorite scenes of my story.

Choice 7: Pilot the Eva. You'll die in a few pages if you don't choose this.

Choice 8: No. Don't submit to Gendo. Ever.

Choice 9: Relent. Don't kill Shinji, so stop choking him.

Choice 10: She Leaves for Her... Family. This one matter to get to the true end.

Choice 11: Try to Be Nice to Rei. This'll matter at the end.

Choice 12: Feel Sympathy. This'll result in a victory in the upcoming battle.

Choice 13: Fight!. I even put an exclamation point on that one. Keep Asuka from dying, please.

Choice 14: Save My Friends. Don't let them die, okay?

Choice 15: Steal Adam. While rejecting Adam leads to an ending that I'm rather fond of (it's titles Leave and contains the words Ayanami Park), stealing Adam leads to the true end.

Choice 16: Begin Instrumentality to Revive Them. Yup, you'll do the very thing you tried to prevent the entire story. This choice will not appear unless you made the right choices for 1-15.

Choice 17: Live. Enjoy the ending. I even have a picture and Ode to Joy!

SPACE NOAH
unpublished

The Mountain of Scath Dubh
unpublished

You are a weary traveler in a mysterious land.

http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-mountain-of-scath-dubh


Articles Written

A Newb's Guide for Improving
This is an article on how to improve for both the forums and writing if you're an idiotic newb. It's written by a former idiotic newb for current idiotic newbs.

Recent Posts

Poll: Vault CYS on 10/26/2019 4:36:27 PM
Dark isn't that bad. I've known pedophiles, rapists, murderers, child molesters, and child abusers. Not one I actually wanted to know btw. When I come across the ravaging marauders in this post-apoctilipic wasteland, I can look them in the eye and call em all pussies without lying.

Poll: Vault CYS on 10/26/2019 10:57:25 AM
Compared to who I've known, Dark is a bowl of peaches.

Poll: Vault CYS on 10/26/2019 8:44:13 AM
Yay! Thanks, Nehal! I think I'd get along with Dark. He seems like a dandy person.

Risk My Attention (CYStia: Land of Freedom) on 10/21/2019 11:11:36 PM
Recommending comment for featuring (and replacing Mystery's). Reasoning: Bill is awesome and gave a well-detailed review that pointed out both the good and the bad of the story. Mystery, on the other hand, didn't know that you should put a space after your periods, so his sorta short comment looks shitty. I read and really like this comment a long time ago, but I just realized it never got that gold star. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/about-darius-and-the-desert-god I'm not quite sure what to make of this. I do think this storygame is better than what a lot of the other reviews would have us believe, but at the same time I agree that the characters are underdeveloped and the dialogue is clunky. BEWARE OF SPOILERS! In terms of the characters: The main one, of course, is Darius, but he struck me as being three different people in each of the three main branches. First, he's doing whatever it takes to win the favor of slave girl... including getting some time alone with her under false pretenses, and then converting to monotheism when it turns out that's the secret to getting her in the sack. And elsewhere he's telling Tirvah how much he despises his father's depravity... after the reader chooses not to sack the city with who you just signed a peace accord. But in between these two morality plays lurks the Salome branch. The Biblical Salome did a seductive dance to persuade her father to behead John the Baptist; this one enables Darius to become even worse than the father he supposedly despised. It would be unfair to blame Salome for Darius's descent (bitch that she is) because Darius dives into this new lifestyle head-first and eyes opened; Salome is just the tour guide. Only Ashtich plods along consistently throughout all three branches, serving as the moral center of the storygame. The other two women, Tirvah and the slave girl, aren't so much characters as they are expressions of faith... a faith that comes easily, I might add, when your God intervenes in ways that are plain for all to see. Therefore this story does not even provide them the opportunity to have a crisis of faith; they know they're right, and they'll make worms come out of your wretched body to prove it. As for the dialogue: The author clearly has an infatuation with the early 16th century -- the era that gave us Hamlet, Henry V, and the King James Bible. At least in this story (unlike the awful "Hell is Empty") there is no outright plagiarism of Shakespeare, aside from one "Lend me your ears." (The "live long and prosper" really didn't belong here at all.) But still, there is a clear attempt at imitating Shakespeare's syntax, with no understanding of why Othello and Lear and Macbeth speak the way they do. Shakespeare was writing poetry, so the demands of his iambic pentameter required him to put words in odd places. There is no need to do that in prose, so yes, I wholeheartedly agree the spoken words in this storygame are not naturalistic. There were a few scenes in "Darius" that also seemed inspired by scenes in Will's plays: Ashtich's encounter with the dungeon master, who was a poor copy of Hamlet's grave digger; and the meeting of Darius and Tirvah, which had notes of Henry V wooing Katherine of France, another defeated princess. On the other hand, the siege of Tirvah's city was nothing like the siege of Harfleur, so perhaps the lessen should be to focus on Shakespeare's ability to create dramatic tension, and less on imitating the perceived peculiarities of his speech patterns. After all, Will was able to recreate an entire war within the confines of his "Wooden O," carried entirely on the strength of his words and the skill of his actors. Finally, the epilogues in this storygame were... strange. Most of them just recapped the previous page, adding little of value. One was clearly an attempt to mimic a passage from the Old Testament ("so-and-so begot so-an-so") and one was an awkward imitation of a Psalm. Otherwise, despite a large number of minor spelling errors (haste in the writing process, I presume) and inconsistent paragraph spacing on every page, there was nevertheless a commendable level of skill inherent in the writing, and I did find the three stories (with a Darius for every occasion) engaging. I gave this one a 6/8. -- Bill_Ingersoll on 9/3/2019 7:43:02 PM with a score of 0

ah, the sweet innocence of childhood on 10/20/2019 8:42:35 PM
Hardly anything interesting happened to me for the first ten years of my life, which is what I figured was my childhood. Though, I do have the odd story or two, and I can always bitch about how my dad found creative ways to not a shitty dad. My Tooth with Erectile Disfunction It was once said I have my mom's teeth and my dad's mouth. That meant my teeth are big and my mouth is too small for it. To be precise, a molar on my lower left jaw never erupted because it got stuck between two other molars. Now, what would a normal family do? I'm not sure, since I instead went to an orthodontist who gave an... interesting proposition. He was fascinated by my condition, apparently he saw this specific kinda case only one other time during his half-century career. In return for him doing everything for free, he'd get to do whatever he wanted to my mouth to get that pesky tooth to erupt. Of course, my parents accepted, because what's the worst that could happen? First, he tried to shift my molars to make room. He did that by attaching one molar to another on the other side of my mouth with a giant, cylindrical metal bracket. Somehow, that was supposed to shift a molar, but it ended up doing shit. Next, he took inspiration from some horror movie. He attached a giant metal chain from a top molar down through my gum and into my unruptured molar. That way, whenever I opened my mouth up, it would yank that pesky molar. Believe it or not, it did absolutely nothing for the months I had that in my mouth. Thus, they then did the normal thing and took the tooth out, since my teeth would naturally shift, and my wisdom tooth would take up the remaining space. I couldn't even chew with half my mouth for over a year in all. Did I complain? No. Orthodontist offices had video games, and my house had none since my mom thought they were from the devil or something like that. Punishment It took my almost another decade to realize how... nonconformist my discipline was, at least to everyone I ever talked to. Maybe there will be some people like this here? I haven’t talked to anyone who had it quite like me (not even my brothers who always received far less punishment than I no matter the case). My dad was in the army and is proud of it. As far as I can remember, I rarely got spanked. When I did, I'd scream and wail with a snotty nose. Normal enough. My dad now claims I'd just stare at him with a "I challenge you" look whenever I got spanked to justify what he normally did. idk. Fuck him. Good ol' paps elected to ramp up discipline in the household by having me do workouts inspired by the Army. Instead of getting spanked a few times for not greeting him with enough excitement when he came home (yeah, he'd do that), I got to do workouts for two hours in the basement! At nine, I distinctly being able to do over 60 (maybe 80ish?) of them in succession. I'd go until I screamed bloody murder with trembling arms while my dad screamed at me and threatened there'd be hell to pay if I stopped. I'd stop when my arms could go farther, and I'd just collapse panting on the basement floor. This process would be repeated for things like squats, sit-ups, and holding out books. The latter probably was the worst. It's amazing how much that hurt after just 15 minutes. Then, try to spin your arms in little circles after that (when you're 10 and under). He’d also tell me how horrible, stubborn, and selfish I was. I think he was mostly venting from frustrations at work. But, tt wasn't the workouts that irk me in hindsight. It could've been worse. It was more his threats if I didn't do them, what he’d say to hurt my self-esteem and worth, and the fact that I technically was punishing myself. Freud would love me. I also once heard him boasting how he used a bunch of psychology tricks to make me more terrified of him. (He has a bachelor’s in human behavior that he never used to get a job in that area.) I never figured out what those were since I don't recall much from that time, but I think they worked on little Wibbons. Oh, he also did meal skipping. I don't remember that one much except for the longest instance, but there was a time where he said I lost about half my dinners for... months I think? Eh, the longest I went during that time was around 28 hours. I distinctly remember that number, so it wasn’t that bad. Barfing at Melted Cheese or Other Things I really hated melted cheese as a child, or all cheese in general besides parmesan. I'd pick the cheese off my pizza. I'd suppress a gag reflex when my mom baked lasagna. I once hurled all over cheesy potatoes after my mom made me take a bite. It was weird to say the least. The oddest foods would just have my turn into a tiny fire hydrant. Once, I hurled all over a buffet's floor because I tasted those warm apple + syrup thingies. Another time, I barfed on Thanksgiving because I tried cranberry sauce. I had no clue what'd set me off. I now love eating all those things. Last but not least, I once looked at lasagna with MELTED CHEESE on it and commented "I'd rather eat sauerkraut than that." I never had it before of all things. I just knew my dad hated it, so I assumed it must be bad. My mom told my dad who decided to get some for me to eat in place of dinner on the way home. He got a bag of raw sauerkraut and dumped it on my plate. My mom told me years later the smell almost made her puke, and I still vividly can recall the stench. He made me eat it for the next hour and a half. I cried into the plate and ate my meal one piece at a time until he stopped me. It remains one of my most specific memories from my childhood. I also happen to now love sauerkraut and order dishes with it whenever I get the chance. In Conclusion So... yeah. That's me. I'm sorta disappointed and spooked. There's very little I remember specificly from that time besides my angry dad, barfing, getting in trouble and punished, my mouth problems, and baseball. My dad made me join little league teams, and I sucked at it so much despite hours of desperate practice to impress him. I also always got put in left field (where other players would hit the ball once every three games). Oh, I also punched kids a lot and got into fights, but that was more when I was 8 and younger. I had a tendancy to lash out violently at whoever annoyed me. I'll blame my dad for that to make me feel better. I don't rememeber any fights too well except fighting a kid in the middle of a field. An adult just stood there and watched us like a dick, but I broke the kid's sunglasses. I don't regret that. The kid was a shitty little bastard who was antagonizing everyone.

Digit's Thread on 10/18/2019 12:06:06 AM
Digit is alive! Have fun on your underwater tube of death as you reign hellfire down upon us for a CYS achievement! But really, thanks for your service (unless you nuke me).

I need $2000 on 9/24/2019 1:05:30 AM
No, my phone is worth $50 more than my laptop. I upgraded my mobile from 8 years old to 1 year old.

I need $2000 on 9/23/2019 6:56:49 PM
Oh, and my irl laptop costs a full... $120. It also happens to be over half my age, and I can legally guzzle rum.

I need $2000 on 9/23/2019 6:53:54 PM
I'm poor and have no money. End Master already reaped my soul. Maya stabbed my eyes. Um, how about my liver? There's bound to be a human market for livers in some back alley.

Contest:Battle in the Ruins of a Dead Civilization on 8/28/2019 9:33:22 PM
I'm in.