1984: Cog In The Machine

Player Rating3.31/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 53 ratings since 01/18/2017
played 535 times (finished 68)

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

Welcome to Oceania. The most powerful nation on the planet. We expect you to act according to the will of the Party and to love our protector, Big Brother. Citizens must follow all regulations set by the Ministry of Love and must receive a job by the date issued below. The Party sends its regards, and wishes you the best.

Player Comments

I'll keep it short, as my opinion falls in line with Mizal's and Berka's. The world of Oceania is far too large and complex to not explain the setting. It would be like Tolkien not developing the setting in The Lord of the Rings.

A fanfiction of 1984, in my opinion, would have to be much longer and far more sophisticated. There are inconsistencies between 1984's canon and your fanfic, especially about how the Inner Party works. If you still want to write a fanfic, I heartily recommend you reread the novel and do some analysis of your own to further develop your understanding of Orwell's book. A clueless Inner Party member simply isn't possible in this world.

Grammar and spelling seemed fine, as nothing jumped out at me, but that might be because I was so distracted by the pacing of the story. Others have already stated this. Pacing is absolutely crucial to ANY story and without it, your story is a lost cause. (Save a select few exceptions)

Anyway, good luck on your future endeavors. Glad Orwell's novel at least impacted you enough to write about it.
-- LNFyle on 1/18/2017 7:28:19 PM
Berka's already covered the main issue, in that the story just throws terms and concepts from 1984 around without making any attempt to introduce or explain them as things relevant to your story.

Even if it's fair to assume most people are at least vaguely aware of the source (....Bioshock players aside, apparently...), it's still a matter of communicating ideas and flow. Details of the setting, characters, etc. should all be introduced and integrated into the narrative in a natural way.

The pacing and flow of this is extremely choppy in most other areas too. There's really very little sense of who my character is or that I'm getting to direct their actions in any way. When playing a game about choices, I'd prefer to have some say in the matter when my character randomly decides to buy a book full of treasonous material or starts decking guards and staging a prison break right after I decide I'm going to infiltrate the enemy and rise up in the ranks, for instance. Time and major events fly by rapidly with little more than a brief summary glossing over them.

This would be a much better story if the author had just slowed down a little and given the player's choices and everything that happened a little more focus and space to develop and breathe.


-- mizal on 1/18/2017 7:00:20 PM
The writing is decent, save for a few giant walls of text and odd paragraph spacing.

As for the story itself, it lacks the details necessary to make meaningful choices for anyone unfamiliar with the source material, leaving the reader confused as to the logic behind the cause-and-effect of the choices.

New words are introduced with no explanation of their meaning (again, source material) and the story was too short to develop the character in any way that made me care about his choices at all.

Additionally, only one of the paths had any meat on it; the others ending after only a single page of synopsis. This destroys the illusion of actual choice in the game and suggests the author had the story he wanted to tell and the rest was just a burden.

Overall, the potential to create something good is here, but the opportunity missed in this current iteration.
-- BerkaZerka on 1/18/2017 11:05:13 AM
There were terribly long reads that aren’t preferable on the sorts of games as this.
-- Person1 on 12/29/2017 9:56:34 AM
I liked the story itself, but the freedom in this peace.... not good. You can't really do much to change your path, no choices that matter really, only a few. I liked the concept, but I came for a story GAME not just a story.
-- Chickdove on 5/9/2017 12:00:25 AM
Sometimes the player character decides to do things without consulting the player. I believe it would be better if I were allowed to make more choices.

Also, some of the choices were a little vague and I wasn't always sure what they meant.
-- resistor on 1/19/2017 8:22:24 PM
Hrmm, Bioshock influence, eh? Cool. Out of all the new storygames, this was one of the few that I enjoyed. 5/8
-- Marinirani on 1/18/2017 5:42:05 PM
You've obviously put some effort into this, but the syntax and flow just isn't there.
-- Malkalack on 1/18/2017 4:14:11 PM
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