A Sightly Interesting Storygame

this was cool

Okay. I know this isn’t published, but I found it (magic), and I have some advice.
First of all, do not call the first page The First Page. If you would like to know how to change the page name, read the article titled Pages, Chapters, and Links. It should prove really helpful. In fact, read a hell of a lot of articles, and Will’s storygame “How Not to Write a Storygame”. Feel free to ask questions and don’t rush to hit publish! Also, proofreading is important. If you’re not confident in your own abilities or even just want another layer of security, ask for proofreaders!
Try not to make it too “lol random” in the way that it’s just SO MUCH happening ALL at once ALL the time. Make a steady pace for the plot (read: don’t make the family move to AUSTRALIA in literally one sentence).
Make a decent plot and characters (more than just the main) who the reader will care about.
Remember not to take criticism personally, and to listen when you’re being offered help.

wtf is this shit. did a 3 year old write this?

what in hell. boring as fuck and could use a bit more options. lol, nice first attempt.

I would rather get gang-raped like an anime girl in an eroge than read this unfunny shit again.

Your mother should have swallowed instead of taking the cream-pie up her disgusting gaping hole.

1/8. I'll be back to personally take this shit down once it gets enough ratings.