A Long Way Gone
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 168 times (finished 25)
"trek through the forest"
"A well spent lunch break"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.
A Choose Your Story Game.
Based on true events of Ishmael Beah.
My way or the highway - the game. Interesting choice of subject matter, bad follow through, any option that isn't what the author wants you to see knocks you back to the choice.
on 6/1/2017 11:48:36 AM with a score of 0
Interesting idea and concepts though written in an occasionally over-simplistic way (when writing numbers I'd recommend using words instead of numerical form unless writing factual information such as a date or address), this is a decent effort at a first story. I'd recommend not having so many dead end links and limited true paths - try to link bad choices into a situation other than death to give the reader a few chances to get out of their bad situation and back onto the "good" path as constant restarting is frustrating to the reader; looking forward to seeing more stories in the future, 4/8.
on 6/1/2017 4:13:44 AM with a score of 0
I think that, instead of directly retelling Ishmael Beah's story, this story could have been your interpretation/inspiration from what you know about child soldiers in Africa and Bea's memoir. By only retelling his story, you have made your storygame linear.
What could've been done to make this interesting premise more engaging for the reader is, instead of describing parts of the plot with a summation, add 'meat' to what you're writing. Following the 'show don't tell' rule gives readers opportunities to think about the goals and personalities of your character. I believe you can make this even better in this way.
4/8, has potential.
on 6/1/2017 12:15:45 AM with a score of 0
Show All Comments
Help & Info
Who Is Online
81 guests and
version 20170008 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2017, Halogen Studios Entertainment |