A Magical Tale
, #89 for
played 4,150 times (finished 394)
"trek through the forest"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
You are in a magical world, choosing who to trust and who not to trust. Will you succeed?
The pages were very short and not all to descriptive. I never felt really captivated by the story or the world around me.
I also never felt any connection to my character because there was no real build up. For my sister I also never had a emotional connection that told me "I need to free her" other than the fact she is my sister.
Everything from now on contains spoilers so be warned.
At the cabin you are told a witch comes to you and she asks you to trust her. Is there any reason why I should? I mean she is with the witches that captured me after all.
The fairy is a trickster I get that. I mean I even get told I can't trust her by the witch. But her riddle makes no sense at all. Any of those three things could kill you. Why would one be the right way when the others aren't?
The goblins are quite nice I guess. Maybe feel sympathy with you, as long as you speak the truth. But how would they know? Why would they trust a stranger you did nothing to prove you're telling the truth.
The king and the whole ceremony at the end also feel quite rushed, but again every page is like 2-3 lines of text.
It was rather boring in my taste. No way to get really into the story. Also found some mistakes in grammar (which is new since I'm no pro at that as a non native speaker).
All in all a cute little story that could be one of those small children picture books but nothing I would deem the work of a great writer.
3/8 from me
on 2/26/2020 7:27:27 AM with a score of 0
Nice start – I like that it started out with action, things moving, and excitement. And in this case the single option on the first page makes sense because it is going to lead from the current scene to another place. My only minor quibble on this page is that the way it is written, I can’t tell if the cloaked figure took my sister. It just says he is holding her, then he jumped into the portal. It might work better if it was more clear that he grabbed and took her, or if he let her go and escaped.
Minor typo on the second page, I believe “vert” should be “very.” I like the arrival in the strange area, it would have been even better if it had much more description of the forest here. This could involve all the senses: what else do I see? What do I smell? Is there a wind blowing? Are there other sounds from the forest or animals in the forest? I do like that the different options actually take different directions in the story.
This was really a fun little story. There appeared to be a lot of different options that take the reader in different directions. I’m not sure why “tigers” was the right answer to the riddle, but that’s fine. I like how the story developed in different directions with the witches and goblins as well. While many of the paths rejoined one another, I really did feel like I had control of the story and what happened in the story – a key part of CYOA stories! Other authors can learn from this – despite the story being quite short, it does have excellent use of the CYOA paths. It would be even better with more expanded descriptions and details throughout, I would think.
on 6/25/2018 12:25:17 PM with a score of 0
I liked the story. It was very exciting and kept me on the edge of my seat.
-- Charlie Bronson on 3/7/2021 3:12:23 PM with a score of 0
The story on a whole is very good but there are some parts that feel quite rushed.
the ceremony could have been a bit longer you could have also gone a bit deeper into character relationship and how the character normally acts and describing the character. But overall the story is very good and I would definitely recommend it
on 2/4/2021 9:44:36 PM with a score of 0
This story was okay, but it had some 50/50 choices like, do you go to the goblin cave, or the castle, and most of the other choices were pretty obvious. Some of your grammar was wrong, your story could use a proofread. The game was rushed and I didn't feel anything for the character. But if you added more details, and changed the choices slightly than this could be a good game.
on 1/26/2021 11:23:42 AM with a score of 0
This game was not what I expected! This game was pretty outstanding and fun to read.
on 1/2/2021 8:06:49 PM with a score of 0
-- Avera June on 11/26/2020 8:33:44 PM with a score of 0
No description, dumb premise, bad writing, 2/8
on 11/20/2020 2:51:38 AM with a score of 0
have some fun
-- savammah on 9/22/2020 9:09:03 PM with a score of 0
It's kinda boring that you just have to enter and exit a world just to bring back your sister. Maybe if you could have a mission on stopping their schemes, this story would be amazing.
on 7/30/2020 5:07:42 AM with a score of 0
Show All Comments
Love & Dating
Mystery / Thriller
Puzzles / Games
News & Updates
The Parlor Room
Adv. Editor Forum
Bugs and Problems
Help & Info
Terms Of Service
Who Is Online
168 guests and
version 20210008 | ChooseYourStory © 2001 - 2021, Halogen Studios Entertainment |