A Magical Tale
, #88 for
played 3,438 times (finished 326)
"trek through the forest"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
You are in a magical world, choosing who to trust and who not to trust. Will you succeed?
Nice start – I like that it started out with action, things moving, and excitement. And in this case the single option on the first page makes sense because it is going to lead from the current scene to another place. My only minor quibble on this page is that the way it is written, I can’t tell if the cloaked figure took my sister. It just says he is holding her, then he jumped into the portal. It might work better if it was more clear that he grabbed and took her, or if he let her go and escaped.
Minor typo on the second page, I believe “vert” should be “very.” I like the arrival in the strange area, it would have been even better if it had much more description of the forest here. This could involve all the senses: what else do I see? What do I smell? Is there a wind blowing? Are there other sounds from the forest or animals in the forest? I do like that the different options actually take different directions in the story.
This was really a fun little story. There appeared to be a lot of different options that take the reader in different directions. I’m not sure why “tigers” was the right answer to the riddle, but that’s fine. I like how the story developed in different directions with the witches and goblins as well. While many of the paths rejoined one another, I really did feel like I had control of the story and what happened in the story – a key part of CYOA stories! Other authors can learn from this – despite the story being quite short, it does have excellent use of the CYOA paths. It would be even better with more expanded descriptions and details throughout, I would think.
on 6/25/2018 12:25:17 PM with a score of 0
sorry but snow fuck yourself
-- sucks a lor on 11/11/2019 2:22:28 PM with a score of 0
on 9/13/2019 2:26:37 PM with a score of 0
Great but boring
-- Guest55 on 7/19/2019 5:51:51 AM with a score of 0
-- No on 7/2/2019 4:04:30 PM with a score of 0
Thank you for these stories.
-- Anthony Chad Hubag on 3/4/2019 8:43:17 AM with a score of 0
It was pretty good maybe have it with more detail
-- MD on 11/27/2018 6:11:45 PM with a score of 0
There wasn't much of a storyline here. I was able to eventually find the right choice, so it wasn't too hard. It was also rather short. Never really explains why they are erasing the kids memories. I found lots of typos.
on 10/3/2018 11:20:13 AM with a score of 0
-- Flynn on 9/24/2018 7:11:28 PM with a score of 0
¯\_(?)_/¯ Well at least I got a happy ending, and saved my sister. Kinda boring, but okay.
-- Person on 9/15/2018 10:49:46 PM with a score of 0
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