A Mars adventure

Player Rating3.70/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 65 ratings since 12/04/2016
played 377 times (finished 71)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level1/8

"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.

Welll, I made this for fun, and for one specific person. I'm quite new at this, so please pardon my mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading!

Player Comments

Was there a plot based reason the tanks started leaking that I missed, or was that just a convenient way to end the story without actually resolving anything?

Most of this reads like an attempt some kind of children's edutainment thing, not terrible or anything, but with lots of spouting of trivia and incredibly simplistic dialogue.

The idea of NASA sending astronauts on a mission they weren't trained or briefed for is about as silly as astronauts stupidly considering just not mentioning finding a strange crashed lander because they don't feel like having to investigate it, so, lots of questionable logic going on here.

That said, most of the writing is above average and I enjoyed the basic concept here and wish you'd done more with it.

I'm a little regretful this situation with the dialogue formatting meant I had to ding another point from what was otherwise a solid 3 star piece, but that's not how you write or format dialogue at all. (I'd recommend checking out other stories on the site, or maybe opening a book.)

I could tell Mars is a subject that interests you though, and I encourage you to keep writing and practicing. I'm interested to see what happens with a more complete story.
-- mizal on 12/4/2016 3:03:31 PM
not sure what the point of this was... apart from finding a Nazi capsule on Mars. I suppose that was something.
-- JohnX on 9/19/2017 12:35:27 PM
I really enjoyed it and got into the mystery but the story ended suddenly, not allowing an explanation for why the ship was there or why the ship made oxygen tanks leak. I liked your writing style and syntax, though.
-- Orange on 12/30/2016 2:33:23 AM
Good.I like that you included NASA.
-- Stormfeather on 12/21/2016 5:49:39 PM
Damn, you had to end it like that huh? It's alright, I enjoyed this game very much, good read.
-- CowBoySkinnyLinny on 12/11/2016 11:14:14 AM
Interesting plot, but lots of spelling and grammar issues coupled with very simplistic dialogue bogs the story down. A good proofreading to clean some of that up and you've got the beginnings of a good story here.
-- BigRonn77 on 12/6/2016 8:05:55 AM
I really enjoyed that.
-- annaisawesome on 12/5/2016 1:01:06 PM
Mizal, there is a plot-related reason for the tank leaking, if I ever update this, I'll make sure to include it. :)
-- Hable27 on 12/5/2016 6:04:34 AM
Thank you all for the constructive criticism. I'm not a native English speaker, so formatting the dialougue was a pain, so I used the simple solution. I'll try to improve, God bless you all!
-- Hable27 on 12/5/2016 5:22:31 AM
I actually seriously enjoyed this, I gave it a seven.
My only complaint? It ended.
-- MinnieKing on 12/4/2016 2:38:19 PM
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