Player Comments on Astronaut: Chapter 1

This story definitely does not need to be split into parts. Not at all. The only choices given to me in this very, very short story is what my character says, which didn't even seem to make much of a difference anyhow. Plus, the last half of the story was just linear, which definitely wasn't enjoyable. Something I would also like to recommend is using quotation marks instead of dashes when a character is talking.

I thought this was going to be a story about how hard it is being an astronaut on the moon and getting there, having the joy of low gravity, but instead it was just three men lightly joking about going into space.

2/8

I like how it was dedicated to Neil Armstong, that was sweet. However, the average chapter is medium long. This, on the other hand, was really short.
You should've started the chapter with an introduction and should've had more detail to the beginning as well.

Make your stories longer.

I'm 100% sure chapter two ain't gonna come in the next decade or two. Hell, the last activity by the author was in 2012...

Way wayyyy too short to be a part 1. And there were very many awkward sentences. Adding much more detail would have helped improve my rating, but until you fix these issues, I'm rating this a 1/8. Sorry.

To be honest I think you should have made this a more interesting story, as well as having better reading text to make it easier for people to read.

Also, I think this story is too short :/

Short as hell. Wait, hell is eternal....derp.

This is too short to be a single chapter.

It's too short and has too little choices to choose from.

I'm so proud... I have no idea what the reality of life as an astronaut is but gosh darn it, I sure know I'm proud! Dear god this was bad but I definitely want to read the sequel :D

Rubbish. Poorly written and should be a complete story. There is no reason why ANY story should be split into parts. Sequels yes, parts never.

I thought this was going to be good, but then it just....sorta ended...why? Why make it into snippets? The grammar wasn't great either.

GOOD BUT SHORT

That was so depressing.

Worthless. I know that I should give constructive critisism but I can't. Well, let's just say, that the writing was horrible, the story not engaging, and the characters flat. 1/8!

Awhh, I think this is sweet, but it didn't really seem like a choose your story to me since the only thing you choose is what you say and it doesn't really make any difference.

Seth says MEH!! It was more like a story and not a game. Short, too. 3/8

My advice, unpublish, probably put in edutainment, and accumulate all the chapters into one story. Otherwise not bad. It would be cool if you could branch it, give us some historical fiction. I want to see what you are going to do with this!

Hmmm... could use a little work.

Dialogue could be better, and maybe a little branching? THe English isn't that bad

- Don't tell people to not play your own story lol
- Make it longer
- Make choices matter
- 2/8, would not read again

Your english is not that bad, and I like what this story is dedicated to, but its not that interesting.

I gave it a three because it was relatively short, linear, and overall a bit pointless. I think we know what happens.

@Alienalpha I know you have pride in being an English-speaker, but can you cool off on these guys? Jesus.

I gave you 3 points for using proper English pretty well, sadly most people in america can do the same. 1 point for putting in effort to make it. I hope you get the hang of the controls before you make your next one.

It's a Intresting story, since it allows multiple options, but it isn't a story game. Any choice you make will end in you winning. So there isn't really any content.
Though, it is a dedication to Neil Armstrong, so it makes sense that it isn't a an actual game.
Also, I realize you aren't the best in Englis, but when a character is talking, you should use a " since I got confused a couple of times.
3/8