Mystery / Puzzle
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played times (finished )
"march in the swamp"
"Make sure not to blink"
"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
A young girl's body has been found in a lake.It's up to you to find the killer and put him behind bars. [Also other cases] *FINISHED*
Purpose: Puzzle games are generally meant to make you think. This one simply doesn't. For a murder mystery case there is nothing here to figure out. A few vague crimes with nonsensical evidence, no suspects, and hardly a real decision or riddle to be found. The text either tells you what to do directly or is set up in such a convoluted way that you can only proceed through sheer guesswork. There is hardly a story here at all, and nothing feels very "puzzle about it". Quite frankly, it completely fails to meet its goals.
Writing/Grammar: This game was written a very long time ago, and my first assumption is that the author is a child. Say, first or second grade? There is at least one typo per page (and seeing as each page is maybe 1-3 sentences, that's quite a high frequency.) Capitalization, punctuation, spelling, dialogue, structure - all absent here. Honestly, it was difficult to read. It seems like the author had some fun ideas, but needs a lot more time and editing before being ready to publish them.
Plot: There's not much of a plot here at all. Any plot points are hastly added to force the reader to use the it, and half the time it basically tells you "Hey, use this!" There really isn't any mystery here. I think elaboration would really help you out here. We're solving a crime, right? Who was the victim? How do we go about establishing motive, meeting suspects, interacting with other officers? Why did the culprit come back to the scene, and why would showing him her passport make him confess? It wouldn't usually, but if you came up with an interesting story reason his reaction would be far more sensical and engaging. Ask similar questions about the second arc. Find what makes sense. Cut what doesn't.
Setting: Detective stories can have a feeling all their own. They can be suspenseful, dark, humorous... it all depends on how you describe their environment. The black fedora - wearing PI in a room filled with cigar smoke, the hardened cop working the night streets, the cheerful rookie following a strong sense of justice... there are so many cliches which could give you a starting point. But here there's... nothing. No descriptions of the environment at all.
Characters: I feel like you never get to know the characters in this story. The protagonist has no internal monologue to go off of. The other characters last for no more than one page, and their personalities are practically nonexistent. Nobody even has a name. "Drug dealer", "man with gun", "lead investigator"... I just read this and I only vaguely remember that these people exist. There's nothing to learn, nobody to get attached to. Think about these people. Who are they? Why are they there? What's going on in their heads and in their lives? The reader may never need to know the full answers, but the author does. Otherwise you end up with nameless figures spitting one-liners for the entirety of the game.
Branching: The "choices" in this game were honestly infuriating. Which is hard to do, since it's hard to get mad at something that doesn't exist. Outside of 2-3 "restart" links, every page either has you pick up some item or traps you until you use one. It's so easy to get trapped without the items you need just by trying in vain to explore. Needed items randomly disappear f you make a single wrong choice, and trying to get through to an end game link feels like an impossible slog. It looks like this person was attempting to make full use of the items system, but PLEASE at least have something to back it up.
Conclusion: 1/8. This was honestly painful. This game is very old so I doubt the author will ever see this comment, but I hope they have made great strides in their writing since this. There's nothing wrong with starting out bad of course (everyone does), but this was absolutely not ready to be published. I hope they took the ideas they had and learned to express them in a much better way.
on 8/11/2020 6:43:51 PM with a score of 0
... What? ... Why? ... I... I don't... I can't... No! You have to follow a period with space! Why the hell would you do that? I swear to God, seeing all those periods followed by the first letter of the next sentence has actually, physically given me a headache... And I don't get headaches... Just, why?
on 7/14/2020 12:04:56 PM with a score of 0
easiest game of all shit
-- fuck me on 1/12/2020 1:06:37 AM with a score of 0
I thought it was cool.
on 2/17/2018 7:35:44 PM with a score of 0
Oh boy, where do I even start?
First, there were some spelling errors. Make sure if there's a red line under the word you just typed, you fix it so there is no red line!!
Next, this was completely unrealistic. I'm a detective, right? Why do I buy drugs from someone? And how am I able to buy a plane ticket to who knows where with drugs? And how am I able to get through security with someone else's passport? And how am I able to carry around tire tracks with me? Is it a picture, or...? And why the heck would I jump out my window because I apparently hate my job? And why is "NO" and option for another assignment when you can't even click it? And why am I able to carry around evidence from previous investigations? Shouldn't they be in the evidence room or something? And.....!!!!
You know what I mean.
I also didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. All I got was "Someone drowned," "There's the killer," "Ew, airplane food," and other things that just didn't make sense.
Another thing: this story has very short descriptions. You should expand on details a little - no, a lot - more. Just putting it out there. You also have to give me more choices, because I felt like I was being forced into situations I did not want to be in.
Finally, when I die by getting shot or jumping out a window, they need different death pages. It made no sense when I died and there were two descriptions on there. Being normal, I automatically read everything put there, instead of just one thing. There was an option for different death pages in the editing mode, I know that, so why did you put them together?
I could go on and on about how you could make this "story" better. But I won't, because I'm out of time. I gave it a 1/8, but I had trouble choosing between 1/8 or 2/8. I think if you gave it more detail and plot, and also gave us a background of what we're doing, then you would definitely get a higher rating.
Please forgive me if this seems a bit harsh or offensive to you, I am sorry. I give my criticism for good purposes, because I believe that if you follow at least some of my advice, this could potentially be a great story-game. :)
on 1/9/2018 1:12:34 PM with a score of 0
"Sneak out the window:Did i say you're office was very high? No? Sorry then."
No, but I prefer that option of staying ALIVE after sneaking out the window. ;)
"I'm assaining you to a easier case.Will you accept"
And what is with that 'No' button that I can't seem to select?
It's just too simple and not much of a mystery at all! =D
on 11/1/2017 10:41:23 PM with a score of 0
I love detective. That's why I love this game. 6/8
-- Azuan on 6/4/2017 9:36:32 AM with a score of 0
Okay, this had some stuff going for it...but it was a total mess. This was all over the place and very linear. The investigator asks you for the autopsy report, and the only way forward is to give him the gun. If you die, then it always pretends you leaped out the window.
on 5/22/2017 6:59:50 AM with a score of 0
It was a really good story thing. I loved it. I just wish that it was a little longer.
-- samantha on 1/22/2017 3:17:36 AM with a score of 0
This spelling was disgusting.
-- Andrew on 11/28/2016 10:05:32 PM with a score of 0
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