Player Comments on Cryogenic Failure

The story is described as a classic CYOA, although I have a quibble with that statement.

Yes, there is some "Time Cave" branching here, and I read through to endings 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, and 8. Some of the endings were identical to other endings, so despite the multiple story paths the individual stories were limited in nature. And of the original three choices I encountered, one choice ultimately led to a single ending.

Narratively, this is more like a role-playing game or something. The premise is very interesting--I wake up prematurely from a cryogenic freeze, and I'm curious to know why--but beyond that set-up, the setting is presented matter-of-factly. I enter a room, I observe the features, and I can then choose to press a button or continue walking into another room.

Basically, there is no tension to compel me through the narrative. This is not a game, because there is no one objective I'm trying to achieve, and therefore nothing to gain by pressing that button or entering that room. Nor is this a classic CYOA, because the narrative elements are too random in nature, and the consequences of a choice are not apparent until after the choice has been made.

My biggest complaint is that the protag is completely oblivious as to what the buttons do, or where the hallway leads. Therefore I can't really care too much what I do, because I'm in a complete fog as to what the situation is. I walk down a hallway, I see cryo tubes filled with green goo, I don't know what any of it means, but I can press a yellow button or walk through a door.

A good CYOA should set up the situation and give me choices that make me stop and think before I proceed. Instead of pressing buttons or entering doorways, the story should place me directly into a scenario and give me some understanding of what the consequences should be before I make the choice. For instance, I recognize that the cryo tube is about to fail in a matter of moments, the occupant's life is at stake, therefore I can (A) try and reset the controls--a speedier action with less likelihood of success--or I can (B) go through the door and obtain an important tool--a lengthier action that is more likely to succeed, if I can get the tool in time.

But in this case, the protag is completely clueless, and so the experience is like bumbling through a long and unsettling dream where the elements don't make any sense and I have no idea what anything means. Therefore I have little involvement in the story, and take nothing away upon its completion.

I did read through 6 of the 8 endings to be fair to the author, but after learning in one ending that everything really was a dream, or encountering other endings that started to become too similar, I began to despair that the remaining two endings would provide me with a satisfactory resolution.

The interface is eye-catching, and the premise is good, but the story is frustratingly thin.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 5/19/2019 10:03:57 PM with a score of 0
I seriously enjoyed this.

The plot was possibly one of the best i've seen, and it was very creative. You developed it well throughout the storygame and fleshed it out very, very well, so good work on that.

The color contrast on the pages felt really nice and went great with the setting and storygame. I'm glad you coded this background in, because it made for a more pleasant read i'd say :)

Some of the choices in the storygame didn't feel very meaningful, but it wasn't a very big flaw overall since this wasn't frequent.

I did notice that a few pages seemed to have more effort put into them then others. Spreading out the quality would make my rating rise on this storygame for sure.

-- MinnieKing on 3/28/2017 1:39:44 AM with a score of 0
This honestly was very brilliant. The scripting and structure certainly sets it apart from many other games that are on this site, and the writing was done rather well too :)

This was immensely enjoyable, obviously plenty of effort was placed into crafting this game. An enjoyable read, indeed.

My only nitpick is that I wish some of the endings were less ambiguous, this of course doesn't include the rather bad endings you're able to get in a unfortunate circumstance for the protagonist. But that's just a very minor nitpick of mine, as the game as a whole was quite fun.
-- TharaApples on 10/18/2016 10:52:54 AM with a score of 0
Started off so great! After a few pages, like almost all the other stories I’ve read on here, the character mysteriously lays down and dies for no reason. No wounds, nothing.

This feels like the first 25% of a great tale. Can you finish it?
-- lightfrommoon4 on 10/29/2019 7:54:11 AM with a score of 0
:D This is epicly awesome! A must-see for all Sci-Fi fans! My favorite ending is ending 1, but you gotta see all the other endings to see how overflowing with creativity this is. Awesome!
-- HowdyHiHello on 4/21/2018 4:14:43 PM with a score of 0
Loved the story. I liked how the many pathways led to different ending scenarios. Would like to see more of the storyline, if possible, to add more.
-- BobbySpace on 4/7/2018 10:56:57 PM with a score of 0
Well, it's an interesting game with a nice concept. I was hoping for the option of navigating the ship to a nearby planet instead or choose to fight the other side in the space battle. But somehow I cannot find ending #1 despite getting the other 7 endings, so any hints?
-- TestingJest on 1/7/2018 1:05:57 AM with a score of 0
Is there no way to solve this riddle??
-- JohnX on 9/22/2017 3:45:15 PM with a score of 0
The premise of a space/survival/mystery set up some intriguing possibilities. Some were explored but most were overlooked. Maybe I missed some major element or events must be done in a certain sequence, or maybe this is bugged. After entering the bridge I can no longer return to the ship. After climbing the ladder to the next level I cannot return to the bridge. Despite there being no given reason I cannot go back, simply walking onto the bridge sealed my fate. There were a few neat tricks and ideas but I was left disappointed. As a story game this falls short to me, and without the cyoa component this is not a story I would read beyond the first few pages. The author hints at mysteries or conspiracies, and the possibilities of what perils you could find alone and vulnerable in space. There is no pay off though. No great conspiracy, no tension, no obstacles to overcome, no lessons to be learned. There are continuity errors galore: The protagonist comments the other pods were put in storage containers to fit the small ship, later the pods are all out in the open in rows of two, and the ship is described as large. In that same vein of events where words like "stretching for miles" is used: the protagonist walks the entire distance of that one bay (several times if you choose,) without seeming to care about the distance even though we are told in the opening that a few minutes early the protagonist struggled to stand. If the journey was to take 40-50 years, the ship is 2/3 of the way there, and the captains says it has taken much longer than planned (we are led to believe long enough for the whole crew to die of old age,) so the math on the minimum you would have been in cryo for. And yet- the woman you thaw seems completely fine as soon as you encounter her. There are many more logical and linguistic inconsistencies to be found here. If this was a free hand short story made by someone very young or without much experience in writing it is a reasonably admirable attempt. Regardless of the specifics of who made this, I still appreciate their effort. I did not enjoy this story, I would not recommend it, but the core idea is solid and they clearly put some imagination into this. I could have enjoyed this story, it is a great concept and not beyond redemption or revisiting. I recommend this author find some films or books noted for building atmosphere and study those. I also advise them to spend a little time with their story. Walk the halls and envision the situations as happening to them, and ask if it makes sense. Take the chance to proof read the finished work and test it. Sometimes in game design you want or need to make the player do what you want, but you always need a reason if you are forcing them to. Unlike video games there are no technical limits on imagination. If you don't want your players returning to an area you need to create an obstacle or hazard, or an emotional need to move forward. Lastly, just keep writing. There are good ideas here that just need more seasoned execution. I don't mock or discourage, this is just one players thoughts on where the work came up short.
-- kyo787 on 4/12/2017 3:03:48 PM with a score of 0
This was great and very well written. However, there is not much interaction with other characters and the whole time you are trying to check out the ship on your own. At one point, I thought we would have a bit of romance with Julie but it too was cut short.
-- jcury on 2/25/2017 2:52:16 PM with a score of 0
This is a great story! It's a bit short, but I feel like that is beneficial to whole feel of the story. The descriptions were great and in nice detail. Nice job!
-- MysteriousMystery on 2/23/2017 1:27:30 PM with a score of 0
This story was both entertaining and well written. The descriptions were vivid so I felt like I was in the story. Very well done!
-- AnonReader on 2/23/2017 1:23:17 PM with a score of 0
Idk if I beat the game. That is why I didn't rate the game higher. Confusing.
-- Quorrah on 1/22/2017 3:59:30 PM with a score of 0
Wow nice story
-- CeruleanFlare on 12/16/2016 5:55:26 PM with a score of 0
I got all of the endings and man was this game fun to play, the background was amazing.
-- CowBoySkinnyLinny on 12/15/2016 12:52:55 AM with a score of 0
Excellent writing and plot! Great job!
-- me on 8/3/2016 12:02:06 AM with a score of 0
I enjoyed it quite a bit. The backgrouds and overall presentation really put me in the mood. Though I would have liked a bit more direction and less vagueness, but the overall premesis was of waking up in the middle of nowhere, realizing that something is wrong, along with the empty feeling of space were quite good. Certainly enjoyed it.
-- Negative on 7/7/2016 2:32:15 AM with a score of 0
So I flipped the mystery lever, and everyone started to starve...That is until they resorted to cannibalism...And the last man standing ate the last of the crew, then died of starvation, and the haunted ship was at last discovered by a commercial salvage vessel...The voyage was then dubbed 'The Donner expedition.'
-- crusader on 6/24/2016 5:39:41 PM with a score of 0
Ok game. Interesting background and eriee feeling if you got ending 2
-- Jimmysutton on 3/17/2016 10:08:53 AM with a score of 0
That was great! I managed to get all eight ending. I really liked what you did with this story and I'll be looking forward to reading more of your stuff in the future.
-- bburger on 9/12/2015 11:18:20 AM with a score of 0
Beautiful! It was so well written. You make your stories look so cool!
-- bburger on 9/12/2015 10:53:06 AM with a score of 0
I liked the background, but it started to hurt my eyes.
-- TheBossWriter on 6/12/2015 1:28:32 PM with a score of 0
That was really good.
-- Maxz92 on 5/26/2015 1:19:05 PM with a score of 0
Not bad. Very engaging story and writing, though I didn't see the point of the introduction. I also liked the background matching the theme.

All around a fun little game. I meant to click 5/8 but I clicked 4/8 on accident haha.
-- FazzTheMan on 2/10/2015 11:29:41 PM with a score of 0
That was fun. I really liked what you did with the background, and finding the captain's log and figuring out what happened to the people on the ship was really interesting. If I was going to be critical (which I am) I'd say that the introduction where you explain what the game is wasn't really necessary when you could've just jumped straight into the game, but that's just me being nit-picky :p
-- Briar_Rose on 2/8/2015 12:29:35 PM with a score of 0
Very good story loved ending #8 haha, took a while but I found #1
but anyways you did a good job, never thought I would find good short story,
you have proved me wrong, and I'm glad.
Good job
-- Artiom1990 on 2/7/2015 10:22:56 PM with a score of 0
Excellent use of the coding and a very good story :) I'm not a big Sci-Fi fan but this was good, the plot branched out a great deal which was good and provided a lot of detail to explore, looking forward to seeing what you write next
-- Will11 on 2/7/2015 12:09:29 AM with a score of 0
Well done.
-- Ford on 2/6/2015 9:13:11 PM with a score of 0
Oh, wow. Make part two. This is intriguing! Please?
-- WarriorCatsRPStories on 2/6/2015 9:11:22 PM with a score of 0
I enjoyed it, I liked the background you managed to put into the story, and I'd love to read some more of your stories!
-- LightBringer on 2/6/2015 2:49:49 AM with a score of 0
... I would love to see the coding / scripting for this game. How did you do that, with the text bubbles in a neutral color while the rest was a star background? It looks beautiful, quite honestly. As for the story itself, I liked it. It's obvious you put a lot of work into this. Great job.
-- Kiel_Farren on 2/5/2015 7:51:18 PM with a score of 0
Fairly simple game, I certainly like what you did to the background. I got to the ending with aliens that didn't understand me... Overall good game.

Keep this up!
-- Claw2k11 on 2/5/2015 4:33:28 PM with a score of 0
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