Damn Zombies!

It could have been better. There were a decent amount of options but they all ended up in the same place which kind of took the choice out of a choose your story game. The plot was not the best in that you didn't explain why the zombies were there in the first place. The only thing I liked was the spelling but you used a bigger font than normal which was weird.

3/8

Not bad for your first attempt, a few pointers.
- I think it would have been cleaner for you to allow the player to pick if they were a boy or girl in the beginning, and then just have different pages. All the (he/she) parts kind of got in the way.
- You should make pages that are longer than a few sentences, otherwise people won't get into your story. Also I don't know why you choose to have a font larger than normal.
- It had its funny moments, but the story was kind of lacking. I also never even got the condoms back from the zombie, which makes me sad :(
- Had no real issues with grammar or spelling

So...yeah. Not bad for your first attempt. Also if this is a demo like you said, you should put a demo tag as one of the tags so people don't think this is the complete version of it.

Not much substance to the story. The protagonist is a cardboard cutout of a man or woman but it doesn't matter. The author is obviously not confident in their ability to write a cohesive narrative given that one of the endings literally says "This sucked".

The story is linear so there is not much choice in what you are able to do. There were definitely not enough explosions or mowing down a bunch of zombies with multiple weapons. I ended up clicking until I found an ending because "deaths" by the zombies would loop you back to the previous page. Also, there's an extra space between "your and cock" in the description so if you ever come back you should probably fix that.

funny af, I liked it

laughed my ass off

It's definitely has potential but overall was a entertaining game for your first game keep up the work and you'll make it :)

It's really just a series of nonsequential events. Nowadays, this story would have been taken down.

This was pretty damn good for a first story game- though it's been a while since I was on this site, so take what I say comparing this to others with a grain of salt.

The first thing I noticed is that you can only go one direction, and there is only one ending. You can't have another ending unless you die, and I tried every route. The second is that most of the choices are based on luck. One gets you killed, one doesn't, and some of the choices don't make any difference to what you find on the second page. I would recommend that you try to make at least two endings, or maybe just have a few paths branch out for more than two pages that just lead to the same place for a bit of variety. The other things I noticed are that there isn't much detail. It's not a big problem, since this storygame obviously isn't supposed to be too serious, but it is a thing. The last bad thing I noticed is the punctuation. Remember the periods after sentences, including speech in quotation marks, and add commas in the pauses.

Now for the positive! If this is your first storygame, like I saw in some comments, it's pretty good! It's better to make a fun, and goofy one not meant to be anything like Dead Man Walking and get light criticism, improve, and know how toxic the comments can get than try to make a masterpiece on your first shot and get beaten down by everyone who finds a tiny flaw.
I personally enjoyed this, if not for the plot for the goofiness. It was fun.

Another thing- if I seemed harsh, know I'm trying to help with the limited writing knowledge I have. Constructive criticism.

5/8

Pretty funny XD Like how it reperesents a lot of zombie movies lol.

nice but why did i have to die by falling lol