Love & Dating
, #64 for
played 11,310 times (finished 332)
"march in the swamp"
"A nice jog down the driveway"
"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.
Based Off A True Story
The biggest decision you will ever make.
This story could be really good, but it has some major issues.
It lacks character development--all characters remain completely generic with no personality.
The story as a whole is generic--it lacks detail-those little touches that give context, that make the reader feel as though they are actually there & "draw" a picture in the reader's mind.
The spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the structure as a whole need a great deal of work.
I see potential here--there is just a lot of skill development needed & groundwork to learn.
on 3/4/2016 3:43:47 PM
Just a really fast run-through...
I really, really, really, really, REALLY wanted it to be more in-depth than a "you do this, and that, and this, and that." If you read EndMaster's stories, he pretty much loops many important events in his character's life to make a decent amount of years. In your case, you're skipping all the good parts, like the relationships and children. Instead, you're aiming for a summary. That is a big no-no. The story will not become a story if you only make it a compilation of summaries, and it will only give the readers a very "hawk" point of view.
on 4/5/2013 1:26:47 AM
I want to give you a higher rating on your story but some things stood out to me. But first, let's start with the good:
I liked the idea. Choosing my life(Even though I'm not a girl) was fun. I'm glad that the choices that I made didn't end on stupid links like, "And an anvil dropped on your head. Dummy!" Also, nice amount of options for me to choose from and good spelling. Those things are usually hard for people just starting out.
The only bad things I noticed was that the sentences were a bit choppy. It hopped from line to line like this, "And then we went there. And then we went here. And then I'm pregnant". You might want not to gloss over important details. Also, I got the feeling you wanted me to get pregnant very soon as most of the options either led me on to continue my career or get settled down.
A little more branching could be put in there.
Overall, I felt it was an average game but I get the feeling you're going to be a lot better in the future.
on 4/3/2013 11:29:31 PM
-- Nolan stives on 3/5/2019 9:20:59 PM
Well, that was surprisingly satisfactory. It was over pretty quickly. I don't think this is really about love and romance? It's more about living your life as a whole. Romance is just something that happens along the way. Like babies.
So you're going to get pregnant no matter what you choose? What if I don't want kids? I chose not to get pregnant and yet I got pregnant anyway. And then for some reason I kept on making babies. It all worked out in the end somehow, though.
on 9/18/2017 8:55:44 AM
I think my ending was bad. ??? I'm not sure why. The comment below it didn't seem to make sense.
on 3/5/2017 2:41:23 PM
way to much text and short
-- magic land on 7/19/2016 11:08:01 AM
Short and to the point, How I would live life (Even though I wouldn't be popular ^_^' )
-- TurkeyJerkey on 6/25/2016 4:36:19 PM
Gotta say, the title of this story is disappointingly misleading considering that it’s in the Love and Romance section.
on 6/12/2016 4:05:53 PM
Idea is nice, but that's it
on 1/26/2016 3:02:38 PM
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