Lonely boy

Player Rating4.25/8

"#281 overall, #35 for 2015"
based on 168 ratings since 12/01/2015
played 5,806 times (finished 315)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level6/8

"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably between PG-13 and R.

Just a short story on the thoughts of a lonely kid. May add another act to it but just wanted to get the beginning out.

Also please leave the first ending you got ^_^ .

Player Comments

Black Keys fan maybe? Nah, it's probably a bit of a long shot.

"... but now that all of you're friends have found new people to hang out with your stuck alone..." I'm still looking for a storygame without any mistakes and, seeing as this was in the first paragraph, you don't quite make it.

In fact, there were quite a few mistakes like this, like the lack of paragraphing between different peoples' dialogue and incorrect syntax after dialogue (e.g: capital letters on words continuing the sentence after speech is finished). Still, they're very easily fixed if you want to polish this up.

Overall, I don't really know how to sum this up. This whole story was mediocre, but I did find pockets of interest. Some of the writing is just a bit wooden, though I feel that L&D is probably a difficult genre to pull off well so it's a good attempt.

I'm not gonna lie; I don't know much about this genre, but IMO a big problem is that you have like 3 love options (I think? There may have been more I didn't encounter). That means three times the work is needed to build up any form of connection to each love interest. If you really want, you could write more like 40000 words. However, what I'd suggest is bumping off your least two favourite girls (don't worry, it's not murder if they're fictional; I checked) and focusing on the building up the one you like best. That way, the reader can become more invested and actually feel more. At the end of the day, you want the reader to become attached to the MC and the interest.

I do have to give credit that this has above average effort put into it. I've read much worse quality stories with a sixth of the impressive 18000 word count.

Still, not bad!

My first ending was the 'It Takes Two' ending.
-- AzBaz on 7/14/2017 9:29:21 AM
Not too shabby, I have to say. It had quite a few missed punctuations, and it took me a couple of tries to make sense of it. But anyway, not bad.
By the way the ending I got was: "Sexy beast ending"
-- Shadowulf on 12/2/2015 5:02:08 AM
Not bad but just...meh. It was a very good first try I think, and it certainly is better than a lot of the stuff posted on this site, but it was nothing remarkable. It was also littered with grammatical errors which was a bit of a nuisance at times. Overall I think the characters were developed ok for the amount of time allotted (I'm not sure if it was just my path but I don't think this should be 6/8 length) and the concept isn't too bad either.

P.S. I received the 'Friends Club' epilogue
-- HJPike on 12/1/2015 2:06:46 AM
This was all-around not a bad read.
The narration is very introspective, for lack of a better word. If you are unwilling to read a story with a lot of focus on some kid's emotions, this story might not be for you.
The main character, Web, is a pathetic, miserable shit, but somehow I cannot really resent him for it. It works well with the story. I liked the themes of the story too. Sure, kids are assholes, but if you really want to change things, you have to take initiative for yourself.
The other characters are interesting enough as well.
The story is pretty melodramatic at times, but what can you expect from an emo middle schooler? One thing I was confused about were the character ages. Maybe I have a sewed perspective on the matter, but the characters seem to be on the old side for middle school.
There were a lot of run-on sentences, which did make things flow a little weirdly.
The first ending I got was the It Takes Two Ending, which probably had my favorite epilogue, despite being among the more melodramatic paths.
The story isn't too long. If you're one of those weirdos who actually read reviews before stories, go take the time to check it out.
-- Cricket on 4/15/2019 12:16:21 PM
Pretty good story game. I got the it takes two ending.
-- Faervel on 1/24/2019 3:55:54 PM
it was ok, a bit short and kind of boring though
-- DanteMayCry on 1/24/2019 2:48:11 PM
The path that I took was a very short one. While the writing wasn't bad, I feel as though it didn't accurately depict the setting of a school and its hierarchy of social positions. The emotional appeal was well and good, but overshadowed by the cheesy messages sprinkled throughout. While I would be interested in playing some of the other paths, I did not find this story as riveting as I had hoped it would be.
-- O.R. Rosemary on 6/18/2018 7:00:08 PM
This is me... all of it. I literally shed a tear at the not accepting being lonely path... if only I had been strong with my old friends and had the courage to just ask if I can sit with them instead of being alone in the library or office and even the bathroom. All of it, me...
-- Jacob on 2/12/2018 10:58:37 PM
...Oh wow do people really get into jail for something as small as a school fight?
-- Aleo on 11/4/2017 4:54:14 PM
Butterfly Effect Ending, Love this one, to bad it was so sort
-- Dark_Storm on 8/1/2017 4:58:41 AM
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