Mercenary Queen (Part 1): Escape from Essitrea

Player Rating5.35/8

"#159 overall, #9 for 2013"
based on 155 ratings since 07/12/2013
played 2,284 times (finished 157)

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length6/8

"It'll be a while, better grab a SnickersĀ®"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

Sebastian

You are a Mercenary named Sebastian who awakens in a city overrun by the enemy. Your allies have been defeated, the city has cumbled, and the enemy is sacking and looting, raping and pillaging all who they encounter. You must escape the city alive.

Using only your wits and your swordhand, can you emerge unscathed?

NAME:

Sebastian

AGE:
25

GENDER:
Female

OCCUPATION:
Mercenary

VITALS:
HEIGHT:
5'10"
WEIGHT: 135 Lbs.
HAIR: Silver
EYES: Silver
NATIONALITY: Zanitarian
HANDEDNESS: Right

ABILITIES (Out of 5):
MUSCLE: 4
AGILITY: 5
ENDURANCE: 3
EDUCATION: 4
WITS: 4
PIETY: 0
BEAUTY: 5

TRAITS:
Strong:​ Sebastian is strong and can out muscle normal men and most women in games of strength. She can lift heavy objects, swing heavy swords, and wear heavy armor if she prefers.
Dancer's Grace: Sebastian is graceful and is often capable of ducking and dodging attacks. In addition, she is adept at tasks needing sure footing (climbing, balancing, and sneaking) and manual dexterity (picking locks, theft, and throwing).
Stalwart: Sebastian can take a hit and keep moving. She has the heart of a warrior and can absorb damage that would kill a normal man. She is resistant to disease and poison and shrugs off most illnesses. 
Fluency: Sebastian is able to speak, read, and write Lazarian, Bandglan, and Zanitarian. She has had prior schooling and can do complex mathematics, quote philosophy, and converse on educated topics without being lost.
Quick Witted: â€‹Sebastian is quick on her feet, able to multi-task, figure out puzzles, and solver thorny issues with speed and alacrity.
Atheist: Sebastian no longer believes in the gods of her childhood though occasionally she questions her own disbelief.
Dazzling: Sebastian stands apart from the crowd and is well-known for her beauty.

FIGHTING STYLE:
Steel Crucifix: Sebastian likes to attack with her heavy broadsword trying to get a kill or two before switching to lighter, faster weapons, usually daggers or her short swords. Often she throws knives in the middle of combat to create space, stop charges, or fend of missile attacks. Due to her light armor, she prefers stealth and trickery to straight up brawling.

WEAPONS CARRIED:
Broadsword (1):
This is a wide heavy sword known for it's sturdiness. It is slow to maneuver but does plenty of damage when attacking both armored and unarmored foes. She wears her broadsword on a sheath on her left hip.
Short Swords (2): Her fallback melee weapons, trades damage for speed. She likes to use stabbing attacks to pierce her foes and circular parries to defend against multiple attacks. Effective against light and heavy armor. She carries her short swords in an 'X' across her back.
Daggers (2): Heavier than throwing knives, these fighting blades are for in close work against foes who fight at speeds faster than her broadsword. Not effective against heavy armor but dangerous when used against lightly armored opponents. She has two daggers tucked backwards in her Armguards.
Throwing Knives (10): Sebastian is accurate over short distances with throwing knives usually throwing two or three at one or more opponents. The more opponents she faces the less accurate she is. She carries ten hidden around her body. Ineffective against medium or heavy armor. Sebastian has two throwing knives tucked in her sleeves, two hidden in her boots, and six attached to quick-release holsters on her belt three near her belt buckle, and three in the small of her back. 
Warfans (2): Her exotic weapons, she uses metal war fans to deflect attacks, make trick throws (Curving throws, ricochets, and slicing). In addition, she can make gashing cuts against lightly armored opponents that are difficult to heal. She usually uses them if she is smuggling weaponry into places where none are allowed or when she is using her dance skills professionally. Her fans are carried in a sheath on her right hip.

OPTIONAL:
Crossbow: Though she doesn't usually carry a crossbow, she is quite deadly as a sniper.

ARMOR:
Light Chain Shirt: Sebastian wears padded chainmail made to be light weight and fit under her clothes. She sacrifices protection for mobility, stealth, and unobtrusiveness.

NOTES:
Mobile Scrapper: Sebastian fights best when she has room for mobility, launches the initial attack, and faces opponents at a short distance.
Lockpicking: Sebastian can open normal doors and simple locks with a set of lockpicks she carries hidden on her body.

Player Comments

The writing quality is excellent. The story itself was engaging, and I was submerged into the action - something I find hard to do in many cases. The protagonist doesn't act too stupidly, as expected of her, and your choices allow her I have flaws that don't end with death.

This story, however, has a few errors or other holes that make me double take on the events. Many of the loops don't flow well - the transitions are jarring and unrealistic if the page has been already read several times. Additionally, the story itself doesn't provide muc background for Bast. The lack of other main characters (side characters, etc.) is disappointing, even as a lone mercenary. A powerful female fighter like her should be well linked. Some of the link choices are just... why. Pick a number? (1 or 2) Pick a color? (Red, Blue, Black, Green, or Purple - I think those were it.) The numbers and colors had nothing to do with the story...??? They could easily be controlled with a random dice roll and variables. Another thing that I found odd was the information in bold that talked about inventory stuff (crossbow, lanterns, etc.) They weren't vital to the story, and it didn't effect the story; they could've been left out instead of left there to make me wonder if they actually did have a purpose. This storygame is a nice introduction to the larger plot, but I would've preferred if it hadn't been separated into the parts that it was separated into. Just one large, nice storygame. :D

But yeah. I like the story, and the character sheet was most intriguing to read. Your writing ability makes the story work very well. Can't wait to read Part 2. *goes to read it*
-- Crescentstar on 7/28/2017 11:08:01 PM
Excellent, I enjoyed this as much as your other game, good level of detail and branching but unfortunately if you follow the right branch the story ends pretty quickly... you have some of the branches link back on themselves which is good but for a story of this high quality it feels like it needs to be longer, maybe try merging all the Mercenary Queen parts into one big story and gloss it up with a few pics? Either way this is first-rate writing :D
-- Will11 on 7/28/2015 9:12:21 AM
IT WAS AWESOME
-- PrincessStarlight on 4/30/2018 10:13:11 AM
Not bad, but I feel like you published it too early. Even though this is Part 1, I felt like it should have been called "Mercenary Queen (Prologue)"
-- Jimmysutton on 5/18/2017 3:00:14 PM
Nice story :))
I hope you put her background next part:))
-- LOLiHAVEnoFACE on 5/2/2017 6:56:04 AM
I give this a "better than Resee's cups" rating as I'm eating the Rescee's cereal--funny! Very enjoyable story! Looking forward to more!
-- Quorrah on 1/14/2017 7:18:44 PM
this was a fair story
-- crusader on 5/28/2016 1:07:08 PM
I like that one, it was very interesting. I'm excited to read the others.
-- corgi213 on 8/21/2015 5:34:11 PM
Needs to be longer, also "you have come to a conclusion" you concluded, a bit redundant, but other than that the spell was good and flowed well. But is bast a tank or a more graceful fighter? That could be defined better. But all in all a good story.
-- Dmanxbox on 4/29/2015 10:50:13 PM
Sweet...
-- TheFluentReader on 3/10/2015 8:27:24 AM
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