Player Comments on Personal Demons
Wow! :D I'm not a fan of wrestling or anything, but this storygame was certainly entertaining. ^-^
You had a good storyline with all the right points. Though, you didn't build up much suspense. I wasn't excited for the Championship, and it didn't seem like the character did anything toward winning the championship except conquering/not conquering his inner demon.
While you have great dialogue, your descriptions are a bit lacking. Oftentimes in the story, I would find myself lost - WHERE is the protagonist? What's around him? You did have a few brief sentences here and there, but that picture wasn't painted. I didn't have a good idea of what the setting looks like.
Vixen seemed to be simply an object of affections. When going to the movies and having dinner, I had no idea how to imagine her. While you wrote that Will had a nice time, it didn't really feel that way. You did a lot of direct characterization for Vixen, and it doesn't really tell me much about her.
Will and the inner demon was an interesting idea. Though, I think the idea of directly "choosing" if he overcomes his inner demon defeats the point of it. The inner demon is supposed to come out when the character lacks control, not when the character "chooses". Obviously, one would choose to overcome them (both ways are a good read).
The fighting was linear, as mentioned in the other comment(s). I understood how it worked - the Champ's impression of Will gets better the longer he lasts - but it made it a bit annoying to have to go back. Also, you gave a small description of each of the moves sometimes. Try giving descriptions every time because I have no idea what they are! I ended up having to randomly choose between two choices, which makes thinking about the best tactic pointless.
Otherwise, your grammar, spelling, and dialogue is excellent. You have some action scenes and some contemplative scenes. Your writing is good, but just work on descriptions. Your storyline fits together nicely and works well as a complete story.
on 3/5/2017 10:57:52 PM with a score of 0
The game is certantly good, but there is one major drawback that stops it from getting a 7/8.
The battle scenes are completely linear. It's either good move or bad move, and it doesn't allow for more events. I'd suggest using a scripting mechanic to factor health, and allowing for more then one move to work. Other then that, the game is great, especially for wrestling fans. Not one myself, but I have a friend who'd enjoy this game immensely.
on 3/17/2013 11:31:53 AM with a score of 0
The story was great and the details, particularly in the wrestling battles, were more than enough. However, it derailed me from giving higher reviews because it was too short. But still, you deserve a decent rating for that good effort, which although did not become the best story, also did not become the worst story.
on 3/4/2017 6:24:45 PM with a score of 0
-- Bob Dilas on 3/1/2017 9:11:23 AM with a score of 0
WOO! STRIKER IN BEAST MODE! 8/8!
on 4/4/2014 5:22:34 AM with a score of 0
Awesome. Just pure awesome. You're a really good writer! You should make more! ;)
on 9/1/2013 6:09:45 PM with a score of 0
Excellent game, I was confused about why I was being assisted by the "friend," but overall enjoyable.
on 8/19/2013 2:23:08 AM with a score of 0
Great game! It brings me enlightment. I truly loved the way it was written. Write a sequel.
-- steveo on 4/22/2013 9:59:27 PM with a score of 0
Second read thru...awesome . Diff choices demon path crazy
on 4/2/2013 3:09:58 AM with a score of 0
Well, an intriguing story to say the least! A bit linear in some places with the choices which made me disconnect from the story. I believe an indication about the "demon" should've been made much earlier. Overall, it was still enjoyable.
-- Nia on 3/29/2013 1:39:23 AM with a score of 0
It was pretty good, coherant and structured.
on 3/28/2013 2:09:41 PM with a score of 0
Awesome....o man I got chills when they popped him in the alley
And he had his "conversations"
on 3/25/2013 11:06:36 PM with a score of 0
Pretty good, except that having the knowledge of a wrestler is something that not everyone has.
on 3/18/2013 7:43:53 PM with a score of 0
Good game, Love the non-linearity of this game, though I would have used pictures at certain wrestling skills since I had no idea what they were. Continue writing good story's like this and you may even get yourself a feature faster than you might think.
on 3/17/2013 6:37:22 AM with a score of 0
Wow! Very well done. :) A great first story, and I'm looking forward to any other storygames you might publish. A great start to what will hopefully be a prolific career! ;)
on 3/16/2013 9:49:45 PM with a score of 0
Despite being plagued with scenes that are confusing (if not ridiculous) to say the least and being too short by far, it provided certain elements of amusement here and there.
Overall, I found it over-rated, yet at times capable of relative entertainment. A valiant first attempt – above the usual standard and certainly more enduring than anything that I could ever hope to produce…
on 3/16/2013 3:46:39 PM with a score of 0
Awesome! I love it! I made up a Superhero once called "Random Man" Who wore a costume with a giant "Z" on it because an "R" wouldn't be random. So of course, when I saw the "Captain Random" option, I just had to take it... And I wasn't disappointed. He was spectacularly insane and made the game so much fun to play ^_^
on 3/16/2013 8:07:20 AM with a score of 0
yeah, I'm free. lol. this is the first wrestling-related storygame I've ever played/read. although I'm a girl, I find it enjoying.
on 3/16/2013 4:37:28 AM with a score of 0
Great work especially for your first storygame. By this game, I can say that you are capable of writing quality stories which is great for this community. I would like to see more great stories from you.
on 3/15/2013 10:24:28 PM with a score of 0
The game was quite fun and I made sure to try out some of the other paths.
You did a great job on making realistic choices and I hope you make another story soon. Good luck!
on 3/15/2013 3:39:28 PM with a score of 0
Very engaging story, well written, with an excellent narrative. I only wish it was longer and the ring fights had more options. Top shelf story though - Great job! =)
on 3/15/2013 3:38:37 PM with a score of 0