Player Comments on Rising Flames

Good:
1. Creativity and imagination
2. Length
3. Death scenes were well done
4. Romance writing

Bad:
1. Proofreading and grammar was poor

Ugly:
1. Overall formatting

Overall, as is, a rough draft of an excellent story.

First I'd like to say that I think you're an excellent writer, but I am going to be very critical of this story if only because I think that you have the potential to make it a whole lot better. Here's a few things that I think would help this story.
1. Give the reader a better idea of who the main character is, his background, his personality. If we feel we know who the character is, it'll make us care about him more.
2. Get to the action quicker. The writing is really good and I did enjoy what I read, but people sometimes get bored at the beginning of a story if there isn't some kind of interesting hook, or a sense that something big is about to happen.
3. Always, always, always get someone to proof read. While your spelling and handwriting is pretty good, sometimes the keyboard keys don't do what our fingers tell them to and a letter is missed out of a word or a sentence starts without a capital letter and that happened quite a lot in this story. I'd be more than happy to proof read the story for you if you like.
Again, I think you're a great writer and this is a great story, but I think you have the potential to be better than great. ^_^

The story was tough for me to follow because the grammar needs improvement. The big thing is the lack of commas, but there are occasional misspellings (painfull) as well as the common your-you're mix-up. Also, some of the sentences could have been reworded (one sentence started by saying some roads had changed, only for it to say the roads were UNchanged), and I feel there could have been more description. For two final nit-picks, even though I'm using a lot of parentheses in my comment, somehow I don't like seeing them used in the storygame to denote how much money you got, and I don't think people are gonna like the page numbers on every title. That aside, I...admittedly didn't experience the better part of the game, so I didn't rate it. I made it pretty quickly to a bad ending where everything burns. The world you've made seems interesting, and I'll probably play again if some mistakes get corrected; I'm genuinely interested to learn WHY everything caught on fire in my ending, and to see where fantasy elements really come into play. That's what a good story does; build intrigue. So anyway, good luck in your storygame-making endeavors!

I enjoyed the story but it was a little too straightforward and the ending came off as a little abrupt. Still enjoyable though. You do have a few typos from time to time as well. With all that said, keep on writing.

You know, I really liked the slow beginning and worldbuilding. It felt oddly slice of life to me. There are some idbit details about how your name came to be Glor.

You never info dumped me on the first page about the world, things were revealed very gradually. To be honest, I never really liked lore pages that much. It made the city and its surroundings a lot more lively.

Strangely enough, I don't really like the second half that much, perhaps due to the sudden tone shift. I kind of tuned out during that part. I think it's because there were no characters to really attach myself to. So I cared more about the exploratiom of the world than the fate of the inhabitants.

Overall, very fun game, proofread it a bit more and you have a nice gem of a story.

This was a good story, short and a lot of grammar mistakes.

It's a short enjoyable story. A solid simple plot that you can choose to involve yourself in or avoid entirely.

Cool!

"Ending 2
THIS IS THE SECOND BEST ENDING, THE SOLDIERS ENDING.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Once in Carn you are taken before the king and your leader makes his report after presenting the documents. King Hader immediately sends them to his scribes who make several copies and over the next few days they are smuggled out of Carn to all near-by kingdoms. King Hader also sends several emissaries to your City and is finally granted a cease-fire when one of your kings high council personally intervenes and tells the king that the council had been blocking Carn's requests and emissaries from reaching him. The Councilor was in fact your proprietor and was able to tell the king some of the truth of the situation.



Once the king knows he was being lied to he immediately took control of the military and ordered a cease-fire and confined the council to chambers under guard until he had found out the truth. And once the truth came out the entire council bar one was hung from the city gates. Peace was made between the two kingdoms and it was all due to you hearing your captain talk about his love of rocks."

Seriously? barely 10 minutes in and I already find myself dead. TWICE.

The story seems promising enough. Having a miner protagonist is something I haven't seen before. The grammar is fairly decent, no mistakes eyesore enough to hinder my reading. Still, it needs improvement.

However... I still do NOT see the point of placing death so early in-game, WITHOUT warning. Sure, this might be rated 6/8 in difficulty but come on! What's so wrong with working in the Northern Mine, after you've made it so tempting? Then when you restart and turn back, I get robbed and turned into a human pincushion. Blah.

At the very least I found 2 of the death endings.

Overall a good game. A tad linear with tons of disappointing outcomes, and several major decisions that are made irrelevant and end on the same path. Still a good game and enjoyable. Some proof reading could help but nothing too grizzly. A solid effort that I would have given a 4-5 but added the extra ranks because I felt that the creator really tried to deliver and did a reasonable job at it. It could easily earn the extra stars on merit if some of the choices offered actual branches or didn't just take you to the same fate.

Endmaster had better watch his tail, I think you could give him a run for his money!

After getting the best ending I want to know what happens next hope he becomes wealthy and powerful

Pretty good

Awesome hope to read more

Well damn, got the best ending in first try, good story overall, kind of short for me though

Got the spies ending "best ending" first try after back peddling some death choices. curious how earlier decisions would pan out

Like others said, there are formatting issues. Overall, though, the story is a gem! Perhaps a little more on the backstory of both the kingdoms...

Worth reading every page.

Great story, keep up the good work.

Minor spelling mistakes and I didn't really get know the main character as well, but it is really good and the author has some real potential. A solid 7/8

I won by letting my captain talk about rocks! Not a bad ending! :3

Really nice story, I got the best ending on the first try (no takebacks even). I really liked the choices in general, they make you think but the consequences are also very logical.

There was a good amount of description in the story, and very engaging overall. The only reason I gave it a 7 instead of an 8 was because the beginning was a tad slow, but once it got going it really got going!

eh.... it was very fun but very long

Got the "boring" ending, but it wasn`t very boring after all. ^-^ Nice.

Good story and well written. Some replay value too. It seemed to end a bit quick after a great set up. All in all very enjoyable and one of the better stories on this site.

6/8 Not bad at all. I'm torn, would have liked more choices but in reading I feel even though there were limited choices, the choices you made really made a difference in the outcome. I have only read it through the once so not sure if that's the case. Well written and lots of 'technical' info that added to the realism of the story. I got the 2nd best ending, it felt kinda phoned in after the story was so well written. perhaps a part 2?

When I reached the last page of my path, I was already planning to comment as to why the title is Rising Flames, but then after reading that page my question was kinda answered. . .or was it?

I played this game twice, it was fun! I first took the North Rd, then the South. Two very different stories but both great experiences. Thanks!

I played this game twice, it was fun! I first took the North Rd, then the South. Two very different stories but both great experiences. Thanks!

Great Story! However, is there a mistake with the daughter's name? It is Shia or Amelia?

-Small Spoiler-

This story is GREAT i personally love the part when both you and Amelia are sitting in the carriage and are blushing at each other i think that was so cute... But the story was great nonetheless!!!

Awesome! Well written and engrossing.

First try, best ending ? @_@

Nice story, and I like the way it lets you make 'ordinary life' decisions with a normal guy who's just looking for a job. Quite a lot of branching paths and choices for replayability.

This storygame could do with some proofreading and some parts of it did feel rushed and didn't go into enough detail, but otherwise it was good.

Really cool, though there were a few small but annoying errors such as "your" instead "you're", or "to" instead of "too". I think It's a 7.2/8.

A few grammar errors were distracting, but overall very enjoyable story. A few arbitrary choices, but real life is like that too, isn't it? Keep them coming! God Bless

ye wanted me to be brutally honest so here it is: the good- great storyline & good buildup (could be better). the bad- there is not enough history of the main character including his emotions & such, it can be seen where some proofing has taken place but it's like 25% out of 100% (yeah way too many words were incorrectly spelled & used in wrong situations) & there were extra words put into sentences that should not have been there (example: the sun is shining bright extra today. the word extra shouldn't be in it), & much of the time there is no indication of who is speaking what, so it makes the story VERY confusing at times because there are whole conversations & it doesn't indicate who says what (example: when the main character says something then it should be indicated that he said that, & the same goes for everyone else who speaks in the story). overall- ye are a good writer & have made a great story, now ye just need to fix the spelling, grammar, & sentence errors along with clearly indicating exactly WHO SAYS WHAT.. after this is done ye will have a wonderful story that will only need to be expanded on (& most likely be made into a series). a great start so far though ye have a lot of work ahead of ye, I know ye will become great soon enough.

Pretty interesting story but was a little short. I got really into it then bam it's done. I got the second best ending so there might be more

great story, will now play again!

I got the best ending The Spy. It was a fun story but shot. A quick tip, brawn isn't always the best option.

It was a nice game, few grammatical errors, but I didn't play a lot of it, so I may be wrong.

Excellent game with a complex and realistic story with many detials that made the world feel alive and true. Some more choices would be nice, but with that amount of text it would take a lot more work, so I do understand why there aren't that many:)

Aaaaargh.... Killed by the bandits in the north!!!

It was fun, though it may have been just a little too short. I got the soldiers ending, so I might have to play through a couple more times to find the other endings. Perhaps the path leading to them will be longer. If not that is fine, the story is cool as is. I'd definitely be interested in a longer story with a similar feel to this one though.

i got the second best ending... will go back and find out what the first one was... nice game enjoyed the story and the choices.

This was an amazing game,it's funny, honest, and even beautiful as well, I especially liked your crack about "arrow to the knee" when you join the militiary.

Very good, thanks, but I really wanted to get revenge on the people that robbed me. Other than that, pretty good story, better than most. Could have a few more choices.

Wowzers, What a great first story, Feanor. First off your writing in romance was simply very convincing and sweet, a thing that bothered me however was the lack of pictures to fully stimulate my fantasy.
One thing I would change is that you tend to write in a single font, try to mix it up a bit when there is tension in the story, it would work for the better.

6/8

The plot was pretty entertaining even if it was marred with a slow start and grammar issues.

Very Nice! I bumped my original rating up by 2 since it is now finished :)

Thankyou for the comments already- I didnt expect to get any so fast!

I've looked over it very quickly this morning and have to agree my spelling (A couple are just the English way of spelling though) and grammer is terrible in some areas so I will be un-publishing and start fixing it later today hopefully. (will the comments already made be lost if I unpublish the republish it?). Also I realised a main issue with the story is I wrote it half a page at a time across more than 2 months worth of night shifts so some ideas I started with I forgot about. I'll be adding alot more char info and start dropping hints about whats going to happen alot earlier in the story to give people a reason to read on.

Great game, only thing missing, is that there are a few spelling mistakes and there is a lack of knowledge of the character. Looking forward to part 2.