Future, The Wordsmith

Member Since

11/15/2015

Last Activity

10/3/2016 7:37 PM

EXP Points

251

Post Count

110

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

3 wins / 3 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

0

No Profile Entered

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Storygames

Sleepless Passion

Another sleepless night.

Another day at work.

Can you function through the exhaustion? 

This is my first storygame. I wasn't sure what category to place the story in, as there are a few different paths, and the genre may vary slightly depending on the path you choose - for instance, one storyline strongly falls into love/dating, but there's another path that is largely career-based. There's also elements of 'edutainment' in the life lessons to be learned from your decisions.

There are four different 'true' endings to the game - the 'tragic' ending, the 'acceptable' ending, the 'nice' ending and the 'optimal' ending. If you reach the optimal ending, you have effectively won the game.

The difficulty level is intended as an average, the difficulty could be as low as a 3 if you think about your decisions a certain way, and as hard as a 7 if you don't. I selected the maturity level based on how your emotional maturity will affect your response to the story.

Please post your feedback (including points for improvement) in the comments below, and if the story receives enough interest/critiquing I will update it later, as this is a very early draft of the story. 

 

 


The Dream Thief

The Dream Thief.

He has left me hurt, humbled, robbed and broken-hearted...but not broken. I'm not going to let you win.

Throw whichever of life's problems you dare at me, I WILL overcome it! You can't take away from me any more - what do I have to lose?

I will fight you, Dream Thief, and I will vanquish you - or die trying.

This story was written in 8 days for the CYS Riddles & Puzzles 2016 Competition.

Second Runner-up: Riddles & Puzzles 2016


AE Labs
unpublished

For testing AE features


Alcoholic
unpublished

Will fill this space when I planned the story more.


Create Your Game
unpublished

RPG where you can adapt all the settings to make your own game the way you would want, then try to beat it.


Edit: Sleepless Passion
unpublished

Another sleepless night.

Another day at work.

Will your exhaustion overcome you this time?

Not only has math tutoring for your friend's company been really intense of late, your relationship with your girlfriend has become strained. You'll have to tread carefully to keep everything together - or maybe you'll take a different path?

I've aimed to make this game as realistic as possible and focused more on the 'story' element. The difficulty level is based on how hard it is to get the best ending - although there are other endings reaching an epilogue.

This game is a complete rewriting of the original 'Sleepless Passion' with many major changes, albeit with the same basic concept.

I hope you like the game and all feedback (including constructive criticism) is welcome.


From Scratch
unpublished

Sequel to 'The Dream Thief'.

I've survived so much in my life already...but nothing could prepare me for the post-apocalyptic world.

As part of the only group of survivors, I must balance my self-interest with the regrowth of humanity, learning completely different rules to those I grew up with. One wrong word, one wrong action, and it could all be over...


No Choice
unpublished

You are trapped in your current life. There's nothing you can do to change it. Don't even try.


Notice
unpublished

If you have a story idea you would like me to write, please leave me a message! Thanks for taking the time to view my profile :)


One Minute
unpublished

There's nothing unusual about today.

I'm just in my room as usual.

If only I had something to do!


Pokemon Go World
unpublished

...


Survivor: Australia
unpublished

In this simulated version of Survivor, you'll need all your survival skills to navigate living in the wild, the immunity/reward challenge and of course the strategic and social game! How far can you go - will you be the Sole Survivor?

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.


The Floors
unpublished

A game that has absolutely nothing to do with floors.


The Pleaser
unpublished

This is the story-game that blends into whatever you want it to be. Just how far will you read for that small reward? Will your impulsive actions lead to an early demise? Will your adventure turn graphic or furry? Shall you be distracted by the first good ending you see, or will light have to break at the final stop?

Don't try to resist the Pleaser's imploring for recognition: the Pleaser is watching you, always watching...


Why Even Try
unpublished

Today I don't feel like doing anything.

I just want to lay in my bed.

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone.

Because today I swear I'm not doing anything. Nothing at all.

Why spend years and years writing a story that won't get a top score? Or several months so your story can get that one extra point?

Today I present to you the fast food of CYS.

To think that a diamond could shine out in the rough is truly laughable. The mediocrity must prevail!


Zootopia Fanfic - Nick Wilde
unpublished

The Zootopia story from Nick Wilde's perspective...with choices!


Recent Posts

Variable upper limit on 5/29/2016 5:09:42 AM

Perfect, I was just looking for a thread to ask how many variables one can have in a game (?), and right up the top is a thread on how high a variable can get!

Got to love CYS synchronicity!


What Story to Write Next? on 5/29/2016 12:11:38 AM

See my profile for the candidates. Serious question, just too lazy to type heaps of random stuff/descriptions up.


Story excerpt on 5/28/2016 8:25:16 PM

I saw the word 'kill' a lot of times. So it gets my seal of approval. 


Why Even Try on 5/28/2016 10:51:37 AM

It's the latest addition to My Stuff. 

Dinstinctly deprecating, this tried & true annoying alliteration willfully wishes we'd weep before brittle boys neg Neophyte's next narrative. 

Allow me to quote the description, to give you an idea of what on earth this pithy attempt to gain points and recognition from some anonymous American citizens will be about:

'

Today I don't feel like doing anything.

I just want to lay in my bed.

Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone.

Because today I swear I'm not doing anything. Nothing at all.

Why spend years and years writing a story that won't get a top score? Or several months so your story can get that one extra point?

Today I present to you some more of the fast food of CYS. (Ed: Sponsored by a Trump)

To think that a diamond could shine out in the rough is truly laughable. The mediocrity must prevail!' (unquote)

I don't have any plan for the story, I'm not going to follow any of the advice available or offered, to avoid any risk of writing a story that actually gets rated 7/8, and make the story as polarising and mocking as I like. 

Also, because I can't be bothered to come up with my own ideas, I'm going to steal every single decent idea I can find, and spin it off and send it up to make it a bastardised version of a story that was actually good. (Don't diss! It worked for Tolkien and J K Rowling!) 

Throughout the storygame, you'll be mocked, chastised, forced into fights, trapped into picking items that hurt you (and some that help in the strangest of ways), and...I lost my train of thought, what was that brilliant idea I had in my mind again?

Anyway. 

if I liked a story, I'll make sure to take some scene from it and make it completely ridiculous. 

I didn't play Kill Aman's Mustache, I guess I am pretending I can come up with randomness that can compete with the legendary BerkaZerka...even though we know it's doomed to fail.

I'll also be on the lookout for flamewars in the forums to incorporate into the story. I know you guys love tension in stories so I'll give plenty of it. 

Ah yes, I have a question, and not about the annoying narrator who will constantly tell the reader what to think so they can 'get' the experience. Is it worth writing a storygame for the site in this deprecating, random, strange way? Or should I stick to basic puzzles like The Floors? Maybe write a book for real? 

Also, I'm planning to include some Perfectusly usable characters, including the cheat character for bypassing annoying encounters, and 'the mod hat' for kicking a character out of the storygame. Let me know if you hate it so I can include your vitriol in the planned story chapter 'The Pit' where you have to fend off lots of eloquently insulting/trash-talking zombies...and even a Harbinger if you pissed off the other characters enough beforehand. 

PS There's no way this project will ever get done. I've got a life to live! 

 


Most Polarizing Storygame on 5/27/2016 12:24:57 PM

I don't know one more polarising than mine.


Most Polarizing Storygame on 5/21/2016 1:56:53 PM

Because it's the first question that came to mind


Thank you, Admins on 5/12/2016 11:10:19 AM

I'd like to thank the admins/moderators for putting one of my storygames on the front page of the site, as one of the Top 5 Advanced Storygames. This was one of my big dreams a while back! Well, I feel there are other storygames that are objectively better, but I am very happy to see people out there enjoying/valuing my work a lot.


The Dream Thief (Riddles & Puzzles 2016 Contest) on 3/5/2016 3:11:00 PM

OK. I do hope you like what I've produced.

While I haven't watched Game of Thrones, I do understand your point. I suppose it's also true that there are a lot of different ways certain actions could be interpreted, especially when received on a passive level (through a story). I'd like to think that adds to the richness of a story, but that's of course for others to judge. Sometimes I think about something so 'rationally' that I forget other people can have a more emotional (that's not to say worse) response. 


The Dream Thief (Riddles & Puzzles 2016 Contest) on 3/5/2016 2:28:56 PM

Well, I want to get as much feedback as possible for my story, as I'm very passionate about it, and I want to know how to make it better. As you point out, it's not obligatory, but I won't find out if I don't ask.

Basically the point of my post was to try and understand where someone is coming from, and then take that feedback on board. Admittedly I probably went into more detail than necessary, and that message may have been lost. 

OK, what I meant by that quote was that I felt I showed a lot of qualities the character has in my story - he's smart, has learned to care for other people, finds pride in his work and tries to do the right thing by others as well as himself. And he manages in the story to do many things that some would take for granted, but which are a big challenge for him. Maybe this is more obvious to me (having the story all in my mind) than for other readers. I do feel there's been some misunderstanding here, hopefully I've cleared up what I meant (and I accept that my expression could have been more tactful). 


The Dream Thief (Riddles & Puzzles 2016 Contest) on 3/5/2016 1:22:00 PM

As I've had a new comment on my game that has brought up different points to earlier comments, I'd like to respond to them, admittedly this thread is kind of old, but it will be good to have a record of my thoughts for when I refine this story sometime after the contest.

Before I do though, just an off-topic note - a commenter stated I 'down-rated several games with (my) recent comments.' Let's just set the record straight - of all the contest entries, I gave three a higher rating than the current average, four a lower rating than the current average, and I rated the rest the same as they were already. Yes, my comments to the contest entries were pointed, but that's what makes a good review - giving credit where credit is due, and indicating very clearly where and how the story can be improved. 

I have nothing to add to the comment on my output, other than thanks for the praise. 

There were a few new criticisms of the format and length of the story. I accept that there are some typos, for a story of this size to be written in such a time, this is inevitable, although I don't think it overly detracts from the story. Of course, it would be nice for these to be pointed out, so I may correct them. As for the criticism of the lack of flow of the story, I had originally assumed this was just for the transition from the homeless life to the forest survival/dream survival, but I think it is a broader criticism that the story does not flow in general. I find this criticism a bit hard to understand - there is a natural progression in the protagonist's life in the story, as well as the depth of his thoughts and the new skills and confidence he acquires as time goes on. The story follows a consistent pattern of the protagonist struggling with something and overcoming it to succeed in life, only to have that taken away, throwing him back into life's struggles, in this case for survival. So I would be interested to have a specific example (aside from the transition from the homeless life to the forest survival, which I already addressed in the previous post), as it's not possible for me to apply this feedback to my future work if I do not understand it. 

The commenter also noted that 'some pages tended to blur together causing it to become almost boring'. Once again, I find this criticism difficult to understand, although of course I would very much like to. I feel each page was divided appropriately, either indicating a specific time (e.g. what you did in the day/night) or a specific event (or part of it, in the case of a puzzle/riddle/important interaction). But being made aware of a particular page where this transition in time or the interaction would of course only make the updated version of the story better as I could then refine the page. Is it the ellipses that have this effect? Well, boring is a subjective term, but I can understand that a story largely focused on a man's fight for survival and how he has to develop emotionally/socially and learn new skills will not appeal to everybody. Well, on every page you are faced with a decision that will seriously affect your safety, earnings or resources, with branching paths for several of the sub-optimal choices, so I can say I tried my hardest in the time. 

Finally, as for 'nothing to really make me like the character', I'm going to put this down to ignorance, possibly due to unfairly stigmatising the character on the basis of his condition. But again, it's a risk one takes with the concept of this story. 

Furthermore, the commenter essentially declared that the puzzle section of the game was unplayable. Well, I checked which pages had no links before publishing, and there were four in total. I made sure all of them would be changed by using a specific (or in certain cases, any) item. This has been done in several games on the site, so I believe the criticism of 'unfinished pages' stems from a misunderstanding of the game and how the items are to be used. I'll freely admit that the forest section had its flaws (I already indicated a couple earlier), but I am interested to know any others you found so I may correct them in the future. 

To be honest, I don't really see what was confusing about Chapter 2 (the village maze) - it was indicated in the note that the people in the village are out to get the protagonist, and that therefore avoiding the people would be imperative. Perhaps you did not keep track of what time it was in the story, which is quite important to avoiding contact with the village people (except in rare cases, where you have the tiger skin to camouflage yourself).

While it doesn't relate directly to the game, I also received a complaint that the walkthrough was hard to read or understand. Well, other than a typo of 'The Cottage House' being T32 when it should be T31, it was as clear as it could possibly be - I spelled out every single action one needs to do to get to the end, without a single superfluous word. I also just ran through the section again, and nothing was out of order or missing - so, to be blunt, the commenter didn't read the walkthrough properly. As for the last couple of parts, the reader could view the map of the place by using the map you can pick up at the village, and furthermore, when you are at the locked door, surely it is obvious that you should try to open the door with the keys? I will stop here as I am slightly insulted by the very critical remarks that are quite obviously out of place, and don't wish to speculate.

As for the large puzzle not being fun, too hard and not engaging, well...that is a view of it, though I do struggle a little to understand someone being disengaged by a puzzle where you are trying to survive, avoid various obstacles, use different items for different purposes and predict when people will be in certain places. I would appreciate any suggestions on what types of puzzles you would find most appealing, so I may cater to such a taste in future storygames. 

Finally, as for the puzzles themselves, the commenter stated that 'there weren't many puzzles in your game'. Either the commenter does not remember the definition of a 'puzzle' given by Sethaniel for the contest, or is simply being disingenuous. I have not counted the number of puzzles/riddles in this game, but I would guess that there are at least thirty (I am counting every correct item usage as a puzzle). As for the difficulty of the puzzles, yes they are challenging, but for most of them, you could guess them and get to the answer relatively quickly and progress with the story if one is really stuck. The puzzle at the old smithy is an old classic that can be found on Google, while the one at the school can either be avoided, or you get the answer pretty much given to you at a certain place, as I point out in my walkthrough. I can accept that some people will get frustrated by a logic puzzle, you can't please everyone. 

It's somewhat unfortunate that, while several criticisms were made of my storygame, there weren't any suggestions as to how the storygame could be improved to remedy these supposed problems. I do hope that the comment was not intended as some 'pay-back' for my honest review of the commenter's most recently published story. Ultimately, the point of making these comments is to show the author what elements of the story we appreciated, and how they can improve for the future.

TL;DR:

  • I feel my comments on the other games were constructive, indicating where stories delivered and how they could be improved. 
  • In comparison, the commenter's review I have replied to here, while bringing up several supposed issues, doesn't offer any suggestions on how to fix/improve them, which I invite here. 
  • I can't see any evidence for the story prior to the forest survival section not flowing, though I would be very happy to be notified of any such pages where the transition could be improved.
  • The commenter finds a constant fight for survival, and fitting in on an emotional level in a new environment while battling grief for what was lost boring. I consider it an unusual taste for stories, but there you go.
  • Not everyone is going to connect with the protagonist the same way, of course, but to say there is 'nothing to like' about him could only be said if the story was not read or comprehended properly. 
  • There are some issues in the puzzles, but the game is still playable, and unless specific problems are brought up, I'll assume the commenter exaggerated the issue, as from my playthroughs (with the exception of the cave option), the game is not affected in a way it shouldn't be from the largely cosmetic mistakes.
  • Chapter 2 and that later section of the walkthrough was very clear, it is hard for me to understand what elements the commenter found confusing in their playthrough.
  • The puzzles were criticised harshly, but they could be worked out with brute force, avoided/given the answer to, or in the case of the logic puzzle, searched easily on the internet. 
  • So while one can certainly respect the commenter's right to an opinion, one can also respect my right to question how much of it is substantiated by evidence, and invite any problems to be brought up more concretely (with reference to specific pages of the story) so they may be fixed in the future.