Player Comments on The Book of Vanishing Tales

THE BOOK OF VANISHING TALES: 93%

SHOULD I READ THIS?
Yes, it’s an engaging story with a wide variety of interesting options.
Preview: Forty years after the muses sacrificed themselves to save the world, stories, dreams, and memories are all vanishing from the world. You, a storyteller and the husband of Ivani (the muse of heroism), go on a journey to the grove of the muses, where the muses’s graves are. Your choices and decisions will affect the ultimate fate of the world.

=SPOILERS BELOW=

RATINGS:

Basic Plot & Coherence: 5/5
This has a strong premise, and it was executed well. This story is largely divided into two parts: The journey to the grove, and the final decision once you reach the grove. The choices made along the journey to the grove ultimately affect which options are presented to you once you reach it.
The journey consists of making choices about what kind of stories you want to tell and what kind of person you want to be, and based on this, you get options for different endings. For example, choose to tell comedic stories, and you have the option of becoming the muse of comedy. Make destructive choices, and you have the option of ending the world. The journey has an incredible number of options, and even after reading through as many branches as I could find, I’m sure I didn’t find all the endings. This story manages to be both expansive and tightly constructed at once.

Characters & Development: 4/5
Mostly it’s the main character who gets development. Beyond the choices you can make as a player, he retains the same basic personality: a storyteller, who wants to understand what’s happening to the world. The side characters are decently developed as well, even those that appear only for a scene or two.

Grammar: 5/5
No mistakes here.
Mastery of Language: 3/3
The language here is poetic while still being direct and comprehendible. Poetic language usually isn’t my thing, but I enjoyed it here.

Mechanics & Coding: 2.5/3 (usually /5)
The coding here isn’t complex (at least I think, I don’t know much about coding), but serves to give the player different options for endings depending on their choices. It serves its purpose and kept me going back through the different branches long after I’d finished.

Branching: 3/3
The branching is where the story really expands into such a large tale. Each seperate journey and ending gives the player new insights into the world and characters, plus the game has excellent replay value.

Player Options/fair choice: 2.5/3
Largely there were no problems with this. There were a few places where I felt that the player didn’t get all the information the character would have had to make a choice, but nothing serious.

Endings: Boy, are there a lot. There seem to be a few standard endings, like “tell the muses your story” and “write Ivani a love poem” that show up in several different places, but the endings that involve listening to a specific muse’s call seem rarer. I’ve found the chaos, comedy, sage, and world-ending muse endings, and I’m sure there are more.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
I quite enjoyed this. After playing through what seemed to be the simplest path, I went back and found many of the others, such as dealing with the mages and the blood religion. I think I’ve found most of the endings, but I’m still missing a few, such as child of sandrella, which I saw mentioned in another comment.

CONCLUSION: 25/27 = 92.59%

To properly review this story I had to give it multiple reads. I’m glad I did. I’ve gotten to about 10 different endings now, which sounds like a lot, but I didn’t take even 5 unique paths to get there. The story bottlenecks. There are far more endings than unique paths.

This story demonstrates strong descriptive variance and the use of language is fresh and creative. In terms of grammar and editing there exist few errors that distract from the writing. Most of the writing and dialogue sounds natural and has clear intent. Writing could have been more concise at times. Depending on what path you went down, the main character is developed sufficiently, and many of the side characters are given more than enough life for their brief appearances. Pretty good work there all in all.

Some of the stories told by the protagonist are really good (for example, one with a graveyard tryst stands out) there were a few that were not. This of course is tilted by preference, but I hated the story told for the empress. It was a very silly story and didn’t seem appropriate for the audience at all. I felt like a great storyteller would tailor tone, not just subject matter, to such an important audience.

There is a resource management aspect in the game, which for my first playthrough I was very attentive to - and enjoyed. On my subsequent playthrough I realized that the player is never really at risk of running out of funds, and players can make (nearly) any decision they like... Nearly all the ends branch from one page. Endings were affected by neither heaps of silver nor poverty, but occasionally items picked up along the way.

In fact, I couldn’t connect the dots between why some endings were triggered by certain paths and not by others. Sometimes there was a semblance of reason and other times there wasn’t. I can not reason out why sleeping in a random cave unlocks one of the happiest endings or why I can sometimes tell all the muses my life story and sometimes can't.

I did not feel like I was earning, reaching, or achieving an ending, but wandering into it. Dream-like atmospheres are well and good, but events need to be connected on some level. As things are, I didn’t feel grounded enough to have any stake in the consequences or an investment in the success.

I enjoyed this story and feel the writer put in ample work. The lore offered was more than serviceable and added to the replay value. (My first playthrough never once mentioned the blood gods, so my second playthrough felt very fresh) This game deserves at least 2 playthroughs to be appreciated and earns a 6 out of 8 from me.

This story is wonderful. It just fits right. I got lost in it and was so enraptured that when it ended the first time I wasn't sure I wanted to go back and find new endings (my first ending was the lovers one).
When I went back to find others, however, they were different but equally fitting and well done.
Not only did you create a good story, you created a great world beyond the scope of the prompt. The blood religion was interesting and you could uncover bits and pieces of it. The mages were fascinating and it was cool to uncover their story and role with the muses initial downfall and potential downfall in the future. The variance in the branches made it interesting to play again such as the different stories that the protagonist tells, the different relationships that are formed, and the different parts of the world that are uncovered.
I also appreciated that you took the time and effort to explain the mechanics of how the muses in your world work. They give but, when weak, also take. This was not only shown in the end through dialogue but through the outright statements about the Sandman, and in some ways through the stories the protagonist tells about when they were still alive.
There was also good foreshadowing given in different paths, such as the story about the egg and later finding the giant egg in the real world to prompt the reader it is important (though I wish the reader could be rewarded for paying attention by being given options to choose or not choose the egg). Also it was hinted several times that the protagonist was more important than just a simple storyteller which left me wondering throughout what his abilities were and how he would use them at the end.
The premise itself is great and while the endings usually come across as beginnings of something bigger, they are complete as well.
There were very few grammatical errors which is frankly astounding considering how much content you managed to produce in such a short amount of time.
All in all I loved this. This is the type of story I would show my friends to get them more interested in branching path stories.

This game was alright almost my favorite. I think it could be better if the main character was me Ed Higgins.

Very well written and charming

I don't like the description.

The muses are gone. They sacrificed themselves to save Sandrella from [the] cataclysm[*] and all that is left of them are drained, stone husks, and a ring of dust orbiting the world. Your wife was one of them.
But with them went all the dreams and the permanence of stories[**] And now, forty years later, it seems memory is next.
[\n]
Though an old storyteller with little to your name, you must undertake a long journey to the Grove of the Muses, hoping to rekindle the flames that once burned inside you, before you can't remember them at all.

* - the extra comma here creates confusion because of the `, and` followed by another sequential listing in the same sentence.

** - the period should be a semicolon because of the connecting word `and` but with a separate idea

Unless 'cataclysm' is a being instead of an event, it should have 'the' before it.
===============

Onto the game:

I would never wake up in the early winter and go lay out in the wet grass. This sounds unpleasant and gross particularly in the muddy months.

Do you know how difficult it is to count sounds in an active forest? If you've ever sat in a lively wood or forested area, it's basically impossible unless you generalize to words like "bird", "wind", or "squirrels."

"But today is different, for it will be your last day in Dreaming Forest for some time, perhaps forever." I read 'for for for for' in for, forest, for, and forever. Even if this is intentional I think it would flow better using 'because' instead of the first 'for'.

I hope a "weeks' worth of food" includes water or I'm not getting very far as an old man. Medicine of some kind would probably also help with the back pains or to barter with later. I did just come out of an oasis of natural flora and fauna after all.

If I were afraid to forget stuff, I'd probably just die of anxiety. My memory is garbage.

LBH The closest person I have to a best friend is probably just my best friend.

I like te cage bird story.

My play strategy was to get to the...? Garden of muses or wherever as quick as possible. No telling how long an old man will live. As I am writing this while reading, my memory of the goal is fading just as much as the stories in the game. I've been fairly bored for a few pages now with nothing special happening. I'm probably just one of those types of readers that enjoy a burst of fireworks and action rather than the slow burn of a satisfying flame. I'm certainly not the audience for this kind of story.

I have many other nit-picks, almost two per page, but I am also too lazy to write all of them after losing steam from the first page onward. Find someone with an eye for grammar to suggest edits here and there and I think the rating would have an average +0.5 or perhaps even a +1.

I liked the story I told to Ronin.

The sailors were surprisingly nice.

Oh shit the grove was a lot closer than I thought it was! Thank christ for merchants. I was slogging through pages for a while there. Kind of felt like reading a book for a highschool report and it didn't seem the goal was in sight until I was basically there. Now that I'm here...I'm not sure what to do lol. I didn't think I'd make it this far.

Hell ye boi gonna change the mf world. Hype.

Solid 6/8 from me.

Took a little while to get going, but it's a beautiful story, and I'd like to read more about this world. I went with Bivedos since the only other option was to kill Ivani, but I wonder if there's a happier ending that can be unlocked.

Awsome.

Well done, this is a gem of a story, I especially liked how you mingled poetry and prose so perfectly. Amazing!

I have great respect for tales of travel, as they are very difficult to pull off. This one was beautifully done. The narration has a quiet elegance to it. Although the dreams of the world are gone, the story felt like a dream. Very rewarding. Highly recommended.

A wonderfully descriptive story with a sweet ending. The world building was wonderful. Now I want more of the adventure!

I absolutely loved this story. I didn’t go through all the paths but the one I made was just how I wanted it to be. The whole setting was deep. I could picture it all clear as day. The descriptions you provided were deep. I could feel the emotion of the characters. The endings really made me feel. Sacrifice and love. It is a beautiful thing.

The overall plot and story was very simple and enjoyable to read. I like the different settings and how each place had a choice. The currency was a good addition to it. I really liked the whole lore of the world. I’m very interested in exploring the other paths and learning more about the world this is set in. At the beginning, I was worried I would run out. As the story went on, I ended up finishing with 500-600 silver which was awesome. Now I can save the world in style!

The MC felt pretty well rounded. He had good intentions and the choice revealed more about him to the reader. His story’s were actually very entertaining. I was worried at some point a story wouldn’t have the same flare as the beginning ones, so it was good to see you didn’t loose steam when making the mini stories.

As far as errors go, I think I only saw maybe one misspelled word? It was supposed to be trembled but you wrote trenbled. It was on the path of working for the boat as a doctor.

I’m not usually one to like super fantasy stories, but you sold me on whatever genre this would fall in (I’m more of a horror reader). I would love more in this universe, whether it be the past, another point of view of this story, or the future with the muses! Great, great, great work!

Wonderful! kept my attention for the entire time I was reading. I loved all the little stories we told along the way, and how the little adventures of each place all connected by the overarching story.

A beautiful story. I actualy feel connected to all of the characters, including the old man, you portray him quite well. The work also shows in your many different stories. maybe you should become a storyteller yourself. :D

What a beautiful adventure!

I love the care that has gone into each of the stories, and the ending I received felt hard earned after a long and engaging journey. Looking at the other reviews it seems as though the different paths led to completely different play-through experiences, which I appreciate.

I would have liked to interact more with the items (I couldn't find much use for them in my play-through, so perhaps some in-game guidance might have helped). Also, I found it a little jarring to finish a beautiful story with the silver count at the bottom, but I assume adding it to the inventory might not have been an option.

All in all, I had a great time. If you're unsure about this game, give it a try and I promise you'll be hooked by the first page. Thank you for creating this, Camelon!

Seems like my original route got some of the more depressing endings, where my only options were to sacrifice myself or run away, so that's a bit of a downer.

But it was still a incredibly well crafted story, so well done.

What a beautiful, witty story. Your prompt had caught my eye from the moment I saw it, and you pulled it off! This setting has a lot of depth, and you shared just enough to give every location the flavor it needed to provoke me towards emotion. Fiction has a difficult time gripping my interest, much less make me feel.

Your story used variables and intend to form a core inside the structure of the story,which just adds to the quality of objectively great writing. You wove some words into grammatically correct sentences that added some more spice to the experience. While there were.several.typos,.It was nothing egregious.

I mentioned the effects your story had on my day earlier in this review. I will go into specifics now. The eye-catching descriptions might go over my head at some points, but looking back now I see the beautiful images you had cast into my thoughts. Not all of it was necessarily beautiful in the traditional sense, but rather little trinkets that are just nice to have, like the change of clothes we get in the city.

The characters were nicely done and I did not expect all the various different endings. My favorote, beyond becoming the muse of comedy, is A Child of Sandrella. Seriously, what a glorious ending with much potential.

Glory to the One God.

This was a fantastic entry, Camelon. I got the "Forever Love" ending, the first time I got to the Grove. And I'll have to spend some more time reading through the others. Creating this in the contest time frame is astounding.

Other than some typos and spelling errors, the one thing that stuck out to me was that I could be short on gold and still be able to rent horses to get to the caravan. I believe I had 65 before I paid the 50 gold bribe, then I spent a trifle for the ferry and food, but the horse rental would have been another 20. I'm not sure how much I would technically need the way it's set up, but having 85 gold before that segment also left me with 0.

It’s a very interesting story. The first page tells it all. It’s all about an old storyteller, looking to honour his past. The writing reflects that. It takes its time, looks with a quiet languidity to the world and finds the right words to describe it.
And that’s where this story shines. The world is lively, every location a place of wonder. There are devious slavers, cursed cathedrals, red desserts and shady taverns. The author fills each of these locations with a distinct feeling, making them all memorable.
The story itself follows a heavily bottlenecked schematic. It fits. This is a journey. The choices are not in the destination, but in which way to go. I had my fun looking for different ways, playing as a miser one time and as a spoiled man the other.
Every review needs its nitpicks. The endings, although varied and I think based on variables set during the journey, feel far more rushed than the rest of the story. The writing jumped up in pace, eager to wrap everything up as soon as possible. After enjoying the journey so much, the singular pages left a bitter taste in my mouth.
Oh, and obviously there are some spelling mistakes found, but that’s only reasonable in a story so large with a nearing deadline.
Overall I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s all the more impressive considering it’s written and thought out in a mere month and based on Bucky’s prompt. You were only handed your setting, object and character.

This was a chilling and sad love story, and a story a journey towards death, forgiveness, and the approach of winter.

Most of the story was about a journey (I noticed it was a little analogous to Lord of the Rings--I guess a bit of an homage), with exciting action scenes and a few narrow escapes.

The obvious stand-out scene was the (attempted) robbery on the cruise ship, and the magical duel. Fire, lightning, shards of ice--this author has a talent for describing battle and awesome elemental duels. I *loved* Zigmund Raff. Great villain. ("No, I don't think you shall go quite so soon. Not until I take...your flesh.") Killing him was the best part.

Other great bits: the scene in the witch grove, the quiet tea ceremony, the tender love scene in the pit with the archaeological stuff. A few cool "Tomb Raider" scenes as well.

I thought one thing that needed work was time spent with the minor characters. It's cool that Mai was the Wind Goddess, but you could have prepared more for that with some preparation--one more scene with her would be cool.

I liked how all the stats worked. You had to scramble for money in this game, selling your books, your cloak, your information, your organs (!--gross scene, btw) to get passage.

Obviously I can't not mention all of the inset stories. They were like little storygames themselves. Obvious riffs on some of the classic games here--I noticed a Price of Freedom one, an Escape the School one, and even a Natalie one (thanks!) but they were all pretty disguised. I also noticed Endmaster lurking on the ship at the start--I assume that's who the cloaked figure was.

A few typo catches: after the mining disaster, you had "Syphillis"--should be "syphilis" and in the same scene you kept calling the main character's muse wife his "daughter"--unless there's some subtext I missed, that's a mistake!

Awesome story, also there were about three broken links leading to crashes in the Cathedral section and two dead links in the lifeboat.