The Lost Expedition (1)

Player Rating5.63/8

"#148 overall, #3 for 2014"
based on 158 ratings since 11/17/2014
played 2,300 times (finished 196)

Story Difficulty3/8

"trek through the forest"

Play Length3/8

"A nice jog down the driveway"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

You are a Victorian Adventurer, a man who explores dangerous places and does dangerous things for the thrill of it. Following your recent expeditions in Africa you have been invited to the island of Marco, recently claimed by the British Government. Landing in the port of Victoria on the east side of the island you soon learn why you are there: a party of fifty men led by a certain Captain Donovan have vanished on an exploration expedition into the unknown jungle interior.
Your assignment is to find him and learn what has befallen his men, though you will be lucky if you too do not vanish from sight and knowledge beneath those deadly trees...

Author's Note: As this is the first story game I will have posted I am only posting half of it while I get used to the scripting etc. If it is not universally despised I will post the sequel Donovan's Curse (2) as soon as I have written it.

Player Comments

As always, I will offer my opinions on the good and the bad. The bad is always longer because my goal is to help improve your storytelling.

The Good: Good idea and execution. Concise plot and excellent pacing; the story moved along briskly and I felt engaged the whole time. Interesting obstacles and results.

The Bad: First: the civilized explorer making himself a god to the natives theme is pretty worn out. It was fun to play it as a story game, but it felt unoriginal.
Second: the payoff of the decisions was unsatisfying because there was very little way to predict how things would turn out. It was less decision making and more chance.
Third: although this was interesting as a game, as a story it lies flat on the page. The key to making your stories come to life is the characters, man. The details! A lot of your descriptions of setting are -great-, but the characters are blank. If there are no relatable characters then the reader merely clicks through for the results. The key is to make me interested in what happens to the people in the story, not just seeing if I can "win." Who is the protagonist? Besides the lump of exposition at the beginning, he shows no personality throughout the story. The exception is the final scene where he loses his patience. That was good! But the reader has little emotional context. Is it uncharacteristic? Par for the course? It's boring for me to see the character snap at somebody if I have no idea whether that is normal or not. As a suggestion, I would also introduce some personalities to the party of explorers so the reader gives a damn whether or not they die.
Fourth: As I said your descriptions are good, but some are anachronistic. Don't use 21st century terminology to describe something in a story in the 18th century. The example that comes to mind is "eyes like x-rays," but I know there were others.

Conclusion: I rated it a 5/8. I have been dying for a good pre-modern explorer story, and this one is not bad. To be honest it felt half-baked and this should not have been published without the next part included, but kudos for completing this much.
For all its flaws, I enjoyed playing and I hope you continue to produce.

-- dueconsideration on 10/18/2017 5:14:37 PM with a score of 0
-- ArtsyGirl38 on 11/15/2019 2:23:01 PM with a score of 0
Good one! Can’t wait for the sequel
-- kzoellic on 6/4/2019 7:27:17 PM with a score of 0
This game was fun. You used a lot of detail and it was never boring.
-- Faervel on 11/19/2018 3:57:36 PM with a score of 0
I thought that it was quite well made as it sucks you into an adventure
-- Bingers on 8/3/2018 11:48:44 PM with a score of 0
Interesting! I was a little wary based on the comments, but it was much better than I thought it would be. The whole trek part, making decisions on where to go and how to cross obstacles, was awesome. No complaints there.

I do wish that there more defined characters. Even just one of your fellow explorers who had least had a name would be great. There were a few small punctuation/grammar errors, I think, but other than that this was a very well thought-out game.
-- ViolinAndDeerstalker on 6/13/2018 6:01:58 PM with a score of 0
can not wait for pt 2. very well done!
-- DarkentityOni on 5/17/2018 9:37:01 AM with a score of 0
It was pretty good. It had errors(everybody has at least one) but overall impression is good.
-- IIRenjiII on 5/24/2017 8:50:28 PM with a score of 0
I rated a 4. Overall, I found the story uninteresting and fairly boring, and noticed a couple of grammar mistakes. However, I do see your writing potential and I think that if you write some more stories and getting better at creating interesting narratives, you could write some great historical fiction. I look forward to playing/reading more of your work, and hopefully seeing you improve over time.
-- LogstertheNewf on 4/21/2017 6:22:33 PM with a score of 0
Amazing can't wait for the next
-- travis on 2/4/2017 8:22:09 PM with a score of 0
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