The Mule

Player Rating2.65/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 16 ratings since 01/11/2019
played 83 times (finished 17)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.

Tags

This story is a first, so take what you can from it please, also, yes it is more intended to be comedy than anything

Thanks Reader,

DinoFever

Plus there are "multiple endings" I guess. 

The "good" ending

The"bad" ending

and The "Badassery!" ending 

so keep playing until you can get all three!

Player Comments

First off, this was actually quite fun to play as it was a somewhat original story with a easily recognisable plot and aim.

Some of the choices felt a bit random- like when I had to choose to either go out the front or back door without being given any information about them. It would've been better if you had put something in like 'the front door is closer but the back door is safer' so the reader could make an informed decision and have to think instead of just randomly pressing one.

Towards the end of the dying endings I thought it got a bit sped up for my liking- I stole some money and then suddenly- slaughter? Maybe a bit more detail there and in other parts would have improved your story.

I think you must already know but I'll say it anyway- a lot of grammatical errors. This held your story back quite a bit, I think even on the first page there were some.
Despite this, I enjoyed the story and think you had a good idea with this. Keep it up!
-- ghost11 on 1/14/2019 6:58:27 AM with a score of 0
Thank you for your feedback, I'm taking your suggestions and criticism to the next storygame I publish and will work on this one to improve it.
-- DinoFever on 1/11/2019 6:37:03 PM with a score of 0
Badassery? Is that a pun about donkeys?
-- expired chicken on 1/11/2019 3:46:22 PM with a score of 0
This was a pretty good job for a first story game. I didn't like how most pages did not have a decision to make. There was only one option to further the story. Also you have to randomly click to figure out Lu's safe combination. I would suggest incorporating something into the story as a way of figuring out the numbers. Anyway good job.
-- Faervel on 1/11/2019 3:09:49 PM with a score of 0
I think that the length of story is sufficient enough for the plot that you were aiming for, but that is more page count than actual word count. Your story definitely does not immerse the reader into the story, which is on account to the lack of an in-depth introduction/background. After meeting with Mr. Lu, despite taking the easy route to get there, the option on speaking with him is the same. I feel like the scenario above is one of the reasons why this story loses some of its immersion that writers should aim for. I recommend using actual dialogue, with quotations, as this limits the story in many ways. It seems as if you started writing in the middle of the story, then then your effort slowly dwindled down to become the intro and conclusion. Unless you want to seem sloppy or illiterate, please keep slang outside of everything that’s not dialogue. Overall, it’s very unrefined and you should spend more time writing before you publish, if you want to have even the smallest sliver of prestige.
4/8
-- Austinc on 1/11/2019 1:06:34 PM with a score of 0
First thing: you didn't give any information about the story at all in the description. The purpose of the description box is to give readers an idea of what the story is about so that they know whether it's something they're interested in or not. (In this case I was able to guess easily enough however since you "borrowed" the movie title.)

Anyway the story was pretty ridiculous, but tbf you did say you meant it to be. Still it feels like you should've either done a bit more research for realism or else gone all out with the comedy, it just doesn't feel like you fully committed to either and we're left with what's basically a bad movie and not even the so bad it's good kind.

Worse than that were bouts of pure laziness mixed in with examples of pretty decent effort. Please use punctuation and capitalization throughout, and try to be more consistent with the length and quality of your pages. Some just feel like a few placeholder sentences describing events and others have actual events with dialogue like a story should.

And none of that half assed 'you died' with it's unwritten implication of 'i got bored with this and stopped' please.

I don't think this one is going to wind up with very good ratings, but it looks to me like the author has potential if they're just willing to put the effort in on the next project.
-- mizal on 1/11/2019 11:49:18 AM with a score of 0
Alright, that actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

First off I would suggest unpublishing this and combing through it for spelling and grammar issues. I noticed you had ALOT of lower case letters that should have been capitalized.

The plot wasn't too bad once you get to Lil Lu's, getting drugged and thrown in the trash was pretty fun (not sure why they didnt just kill the MC in the first place).

Also, you might want to get familiar with variables. Lil Lu kindly informs me that it was HIS men that tried to kidnap me in the black SUV :0

The only issue is that I took the Honda civic and never got kidnapped.

Over all this wasn't too bad and you definitely have potential.
-- corgi213 on 1/11/2019 11:48:13 AM with a score of 0
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