Without You (1)

Player Rating4.12/8

"#404 overall, #31 for 2012"
based on 213 ratings since 10/29/2012
played 4,172 times (finished 239)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

Without You:
You've lost almost everything at this point. Your biological father, he was gone before he came into your life. Your mother, she died not to long ago. Now, you've lost your boyfriend, Jacob. This was love. You're 16, and you've lost him, her, and him again. However, you're trying to cope.

There are lots of people to help you out. Hunter's been in the same situation, and he really likes you. Bailey is a good friend, and she'd love ot help. And a mysterious dream guy wants to help, too...

One:
This is basically an introduction. It's the first two days of being in school without Jacob. You meet Hunter, get to know Bailey, and yourself. You also have an option to meet the mysterious attractive guy.

Player Comments

I was interested in the story up until Hunter randomly kissed the narrator. It seemed force and unnatural. It could have worked out if you would have made them a bit more awkward about it; if Hunter played it off coolly and said he didn't know what came over him (or something along those lines). And on top of all that, the game ended so soon. I never even got to know this "mystery guy" when I played the second time.

Overall, it was written well and the characters were somewhat interesting---but there needs to be a lot more work put into it! I think I can tell that you rushed through it by the end. You must have started this up for fun and then abandoned the project out of nowhere.

I hope one day you take up another and keep it going, because you have potential, in my opinion!
-- Killah_B on 3/7/2014 9:14:22 PM with a score of 0
Well your writing is great and I really enjoyed this story. There are only a couple of things that irked me a bit.
1. The way the the teenagers talk is the same as your writing style, and I've never known a teenager to talk like that. They sound like really upper class, sophisticated, middle aged adults and it just doesn't feel like they're teenagers.
2. The girl just seems a little too tragic for me. I feel sorry for the character because her boyfriend died, but making both her parents dead aswell doesn't make me feel more sorry for her, it just makes the character seem less realistic.
That said, I think it was a really well written story and I'm looking forward to part 2. ^_^
-- Briar_Rose on 1/18/2013 12:28:36 PM with a score of 0
HEY, WHAT'S UP PEOPLE. It's your girl ZombieAuthor here, coming at you with another HOT Love & Dating fic. Play, rate, and comment! And don't forget to check out my profile for Without You (2): Part 2—The Second Part - Beginning -- Prologue... Chapter 1 Preview, which will be coming out in just 3 centuries!

This culture is beyond repair; the Agricultural Revolution was the greatest mistake in the history of mankind.
-- 7layers on 6/14/2020 2:44:12 PM with a score of 0
good but they should get together
-- ImmortalWarlock on 12/13/2019 12:56:12 PM with a score of 0
I liked it. it was great even for a critic like me. 7/8
-- Fun_Gacha on 8/26/2019 9:32:29 AM with a score of 0
The sudden kiss from Hunter felt completely unwarranted. YA fiction commonly sweeps this behavior under the rug. Don't do that. If you're going to include this, make it completely clear that it's unacceptable behavior - not that it's just "too early to move on".

The complete nihilism coming off of the narrator makes the character fall almost completely flat. An entirely tragic character isn't going to take off all that well. I do understand that this is the first in the series, but this protagonist needs a bit more flavor than salted tears.

Maybe include one chapter of prologue from the perspective of Jacob, just before his death. I think showing the sort of lackadaisical nature of Jacob - /especially/ if he wasn't all that into the narrator from the get go. Wouldn't do it right away, though - this would be almost exclusively for some end game closure.

Grammar, and spelling - proofread, have a friend do so as well.
-- Marcus on 8/6/2018 10:40:04 PM with a score of 0
so romantic
-- PrincessStarlight on 5/19/2018 10:32:55 PM with a score of 0
Uh.. This story doesn't really have a good plot.. It doesn't really develop that much, and I noticed a couple of spelling errors.
-- them love expert on 9/17/2017 6:23:00 PM with a score of 0
Hunter seems to be pulling a Bill Cosby.
-- Digit on 10/26/2016 10:37:45 AM with a score of 0
This is a very creative book, you have done well! Though I agree with Killah_B. When Hunter kisses the narrator it's forced, it just doesn't seem right. Other than that it's an awesome story!
-- animallover2409 on 6/14/2016 5:32:39 PM with a score of 0
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