Tolstojewskin, The Contributor
My home lies at the end of the universe...or behind it.
Recent PostsCabata's Quest: Parents on 6/22/2018 4:35:35 AM
That caught my eye:?
"Your mother tries to soothe you, giving you a warm hug. She kisses your cheek and wipes a tear from your eye."
The beginning is really "you"-heavy. Try to find other words or just describe it differently. After writing 87.000 words you should have the needed knowledge.
As for the rest - your wrote that the boy is mad and scared, but that is where your description of (to that point) the most tragic incident in his life suddenly stops. Maybe one or two sentences about his inner conflict.
There are some open questions, but I suppose they are there to keep the readers attention.
And one last point - the kingdom is ruled by Dual-Monarchs, but the meaning of monarchy is that there is one sole and absolute ruler. Dual monarchy means that one monarch rules over two kingdoms. Here it is a case of diarchy (As Wikipedia says).
Tolstojewskin on 4/1/2018 1:53:15 AM
after reading some storygames as a guest I decided to become a more active reader and created this account to read, comment and possibly even write :)
While reading through the forums I also learned some important rules, like never ever letting the point counter below zero and some other stuff (though I am not sure what happens, if the number goes under the sea level.)
I hope for some good storygames and conversations!?