This isn't bad at all for being a rushed-out piece, you even managed to get dialogue punctuation right.
The content may not be the most exciting or compelling out there (it's a slow, fairly conventional and delicate opening) but it does a good enough work of setting the tone and characters. I'm assuming there's something extraordinary up with the game and with how Anna will interact with it, as I don't think we're just going to see a let's play transposed to story (even though it could still be enjoyable if done well). In any case, I'm now curious about to how this story will go on, so mission accomplished.
Just a tiny FYI, Kirye is Greek and as far as I know it only means "lord".