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Alright my name is haloscop12 and this is only my third/fourth day on this site, but I am already in love. Shout out to JJJ-thebanisher for writing so many amazing stories, The Order Of The Midnight Sun, being my favorite so far. I have recently reached the end of chapter one of my first story, The Dragons Of Iralnir. I'm already starting to get some writer's block and was hoping for some helpful critique or encouragement of my story. I'm not sure how to link my story so someone can test it before it is published, but I'm going to try and just copy and paste the link. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/viewer/default.aspx?StoryId=32415 

I appreciate all responses.

They worked. Seems to be a good storygame. Good job! ;)

The Dragons of Iralnir

^You're welcome.

On a more on-topic hand, the storygame is pretty good. I'll expect at least a 4 or 5/8.

Same here. I would give it a 5/8 I guess....

Looks nice so far. I like that there is actually more than one path (many games on this site end up with one path, despite the choices you made, so I notice when your selections actually make a difference!)

I appreciate everyone's encouragement, but is there anything you noticed that you didn't specifically like? Anything that bugged you, or was confusing to understand? I'm aiming for a 6/8, anything you see lacking that I could add to get me there? Also to Ogre11, I also noticed that most games have only one path, and I thought this was aggravating until I started writing this one with multiple paths. I have realized that it is incredibly time consuming to have to write different paths, rather than one correct one. Since I didn't finish the "into town" and "Lady in Red", pages I'm sure you didn't notice the set up I'm trying to do. Early on there are in essence three big decisions. Staying in bed, Going to Town, or The Last Harvest. Each one will build your character in different ways. If you stay in bed then the immense burns you received, specifically the burn on your leg, will aim the character more down a Fire Mage sort of, middle ground path. The Last Harvest, with the acquisition of Hydri Ignis, leads the character down a more aggressive warrior path, and the journey to town will lead the character down a more passive path. I'm hopeful people will enjoy this option, but I am curious if I should leave such warnings within the story, to help people choose the path they want.

I am well aware of the work behind multiple paths. In fact, I think that is why many (beginning) writers often offer only one path -- they want you to read all that they write. In one story I'm writing now, there are 9 chapters and in nearly every case, depending on the path you take, you will only get to see 3 of the chapters! That means I'm writing TONS more than you are actually going to read (unless you re-play and often). But that's what I really like about the whole concept of choose your own story!

As for the warnings, I don't think that you need warnings at all. The only place warnings might make more sense are when someone is choosing a foolish option that will lead to instant death (but then again, why even include such options?) Personally I would prefer simply reading the story through and picking my choices, not knowing where they will lead (as long as they are at least a little logical). Then, when I play again, I love finding out how a different choice completely changes the story.