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Upon the frigid valley

in which the blood of man if frozen in an instant

and the water is in eternal frost

those who are damned seek retribution.

So, I plan to make a story which is pretty heavily influenced by the souls series. It would follow the story of a man named Laurence who has died and come back as an Undead being. He, like that of many others, have joined a massive pilgramige across the Frigid Valley; A place of infinite ash storms that not only taints everything it touches, but also turns the skin of all who are touched by its ash into gray. The country they all came from before was assaulted by a plague of ash from this place, one that made the land inhospitable, and in which the dead began to rise once more when touched by its particles. So, following their religious leader, they make a journey across the endless Valley in some hope that there is salvation at the end, in which there probably is none. 

So far, from what i've written and planned out, is that the Undead are all bounded and gagged, since madness often overtakes them and they attempt to kill others in their party. But, the people are too heartbroken to kill them, so instead drag them with them in giant carts. It would start with a convoy of rabid beasts attacking their part of the pilgrimage, destroying the carriage and killing several hundred people while Laurence escapes into the ash, seeking answers to the mystery of the Frigid Valley.

Just to clarify the bit, the Pilgrimage is GIANT, it's basically the entire civilization of a whole country. It expands far and wide, in every direction, all heading in one aimless direction led by their holy priest. I wanted to know what you guys thought of the concept! I already have a page written down with the basic introductions and such.

       I'm confused... so they all fled from a country that was assulted by a plague of ash that came from the same place that they are about to travel through in hopes of salvation? Couldn't they have just stayed in the country they were already at and waited it out in hopes of salvation? I mean, if they're looking for salvation at the end of an endless valley that's inhospitable due to the infinite ash storms seems like picking death there or death where they came from. AH! But that might be just it, right? I'm interested in learning more about this story of yours, I hope you publish it soon!

Well, they're making the journey because I mean, this ash storm literally destroyed EVERYTHING they owned. It was the idea of the religious leaders that there might be something on the other side, and so they manage to cajole those who are amongst their flock to follow them.

The Journey across the Frigid Valley was a battle that all from foreign lands had to make, as there was simply nothing left from whence they came. What could one go back to, when their homes and memories were destroyed by the plague of ash? Maybe they wished that there was something across the Valley, that there was some hope... But only the foolish believed that. Even now, the sickly men and women crossed the icy Valley; their eyes so dry that they could not produce tears for those who died around them. The water they drank was filled with vile toxin, the air they breathed fresh with the smell of rotting corpses.

From what I have written here, the idea is that they can't even hold out there, and that the idea of something on the other side is the only thing that drives them on.

There's going to be a primary antagonist force, this curse that actually falls upon the whole land. Anyone who dies upon Ashen soil is reborn, they become Undead and are basically composed of ash and other stuff. 

This story sounds like it would be badass. (repeatedly bangs fists on table.) Write it! Write it! Write it! Write it! Write it! Write it!

Sounds like a good concept.

I do also feel like it is a little unpolished though, but I am sure you will be able to easily handle that.

The only problem I have is the fact that it seems like a never ending story, looking at the fact that they will be hopelessly wandering for hope of salvation. You should add some idea they have of how to solve it or survive it, all stories need a goal.

The goal is salvation, I think this storygame is one of those "sad ending" storygames no matter what path you choose. And he also said that the valley "seems" endless. Which is a very good choice of words because kooks can be deceiving. So the only true way to find out would probably be playing the storygame itself.