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Criticism

7 years ago

I have an idea for a story, though it might not necessarily be a storygame. Basically, pigeons and other similar birds have started appearing in large quantities throughout the city, even though it's winter, and have become a serious health risk because of how often they crash with moving vehicles, people, and things like satellite dishes and electric towers (remember, these are tons worth of aviary fiends), and their feces (due to their sheer numbers) are pretty much anywhere outside. So a low-paid guy is pretty frustrated, because local authorities have deemed that going outside is dangerous and so his workplace stays closed, leaving him without pay for a few days (I could really do with some alternatives to this). He stays inside with low resources, trapped with a few roommates, as the birds outside start becoming more aggressive, and growing in species (originally there were only pigeons, now there would also be falcons and hawks or something like that). Eventually, they need to get outside and realize how terrible the situation is.

Outside of that, I don't have many ideas. The birds in winter mean that they are evolving and adapting to harsher enviroments, and they would be kinda like rats, vermin that gradually goes from a nuisance to an actual danger, they would gradually start hitting windows and doors trying to get in, then they'd become smarter and start going for holes or specific weakpoints in the house and leaving their droppings in certain places where the protagonist would most likely breath them. The premise would follow the protagonist putting up with the situation, and how he and his roommates react, some growing more paranoid, another one getting ill because of going outside repeatedly despite the birds (bird dropping dry up, turn to dust and cause illnesses). I know it sounds absurd, and that is part of what I'm aiming for. I'd like to hear what you have to say about that concept, and how could I better the original concept.

Criticism

7 years ago
What story are you trying to tell? Of survival against strange and stranger circumstances? Of comedy amongst bird droppings? Of survival horror as masses of birds develop vampirism? Of satire (with birds being a metaphor for something)? Also, how 'real' is it? The birds are going wild because of geomagnetic fluctuations (caused by a known cause) and accordingly hitting the cities, or is it all a wizard did it? Won't be able to critique your idea until you post your statement of intent as a one liner

Criticism

7 years ago

Well, I guess it would be a story where the protagonists have to survive with limited resources, where trying to get more (going outside) would be more dangerous, yet necessary, each time because of the constant evolution of birds, so they have to figure out how to balance their needs and how to satisfy them (basically, survival drama or survival against strange circumstances as you said). I believe the birds' sudden changes would remain a mystery that the protagonists try to explain themselves without really knowing which theory is right (more drama and paranoia). Maybe a bit of humor and satiry would be intended, obvious in the whole concept being super intelligent birds causing ruckus, but not the centerpoint.

Criticism

7 years ago

Again, that's not a one liner. You need a one liner to be the core of your work, it becomes your talisman when evaluating whether a certain addition is worth it or not. For my new storygame, the one liner is: 'Seeing the effects of social control technology from the perspective of a policeman enforcing the system.' That means I'll be prioritizing anything that reveals the nature of law, order, governance, and decision making, while avoiding things such as adding a painting mini-game.

In your case, how about 'Using intelligent pigeons as a tool to explore fear and betrayal amongst humans.' Everything else can be checked against that line, which'll help you streamline your thought and writing (anything that adds fear - say the rumor of diseases from bird droppings - in, anything that adds llamas or other randomness - out).

Criticism

7 years ago

That sounds like a fun story to read! If I was making it I would add a takeover element. Like the birds are becoming so advanced that they try to take over the land as well the air. I'd also add a supernatural element which is causing them to advance and become smarter so quickly. The bird poop danger is funny though XD

Criticism

7 years ago
So it's basically a zombie story, but with birds.

Eh, you've had stupider ideas. I'd read it.

Hell, make the birds carriers of some kind of disease that causes violence or paranoia if you want to really make them a threat.