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A whole bunch of old and new works

13 days ago

So, I have way too much creativity, and I feel the need to put it all out into the world. Instead of flooding the forums with even more of my posts, I am instead going to continually add to this one. If this is not a good idea, or against a rule I have forgotten, or just generally not what I should do, please let me know. In the meantime, here are some blurbs of short stories I've made:

 

"The Price of Magic" - See my post by the same name for the story.

"ERROR: HOPES AND DREAMS NOT FOUND" - Same thing as above, but I'll give you a blurb: John puts on a modified VR headset a friend made and finds himself in a fully realistic simulation of an alternate reality prehistoric earth. It is a prequel to my CYOA game "ERROR: NAME NOT FOUND".

"Poem About an Animal" - No blurb. See comments for poem

"They new they were in trouble" - I don't know what this one is supposed to be about, but I did make it with someone else.

A story I started working on. - Agnar goes into an abandoned lab to steal equipment for money, ends up activating a cryo pod with him in it. Might continue working on it.

 

I have another poem somewhere, might post it when I find it.

A whole bunch of old and new works

13 days ago

"Poem about an Animal"

 

Amidst the amber trees the fox doth weave,
His fiery coat aglow with autumn's flame.
His footsteps making imprints in the leaves,
His trace upon this world, a fleeting claim.

The fox now stills to hear the birds' sweet song,
The forest's choir where tunes of peace await.
The branches whisper tales that minds prolong,
And with them, untold wonders they create.

The paths we track may slowly fade away,
nature will reclaim; and with it, thrive.
Though time erodes, new voices join the fray,
Where dreams are born and evermore survive.

For in the fox's stride and autumn's hue,
we find the world reborn, forever new.

A whole bunch of old and new works

7 days ago

I can't believe nobody has commented on any of these. I'm awful with poems and honestly know next to nothing about them, but this one resonated with me. It reads like a story explaining the entropy of nature, being, and the inevitability of impermanence, but I love how it isn't presented in a melancholy way, instead celebrating new beginnings. It has a lot of hidden emotional depth because of this. When I hear stories like this, I'm reminded of the ouroboros.

A whole bunch of old and new works

7 days ago

Thank you! I somehow came up with the entire thing in one night (and payed for it by not thinking any interesting thoughts for the next week), and refined it over the next two days. I am surprised that it came out as well as it did.

To be fair, I did not expect to get a comment on these for a little while, as I did flood the forums with quite a few of my posts. Hence why I made this.

A whole bunch of old and new works

5 days ago
This is pretty. I like the Shakespearean English used in it. You used the semicolon wrong but oh well, it's poetry. Grammar's not exactly a high level of concern in this medium

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago

Thanks! The only reason I used the Shakespearean English is because nothing else sounded as good, so I used it. I also don't know why I put the semicolon there, but oh well.

A whole bunch of old and new works

13 days ago

"They knew they were in trouble"

 

Ms. Caldwell was angry. It was the type where one was so angry, that all that was left was a calculating coldness. “Well then, what visit is this? The 10th time, 15th? I’ve been very lenient with you boys, most students get expelled after the 8th.” We had actually been here eighteen times, but we weren't about to correct her on that. “Actually Ms. Caldwell, I think we’ve been in here more than that.” Well, I wasn’t. Eli couldn’t stand false facts though, even if it would get him in trouble. “Why thank you Eli. You wouldn't mind telling me how many of those were exploding toilets, would you?” The archmage was looking me dead in the eyes. Eli couldn’t help himself. “I believe it was abo-” I kicked him under the table, earning a sharp glare from both him and Ms. Caldwell. “Ethan, please don’t kick your fellow students. And Eli,” She turned her glare on him, making him wilt, “I was asking Ethan, not you. If you wish to answer a question asked to another, what do you do?” “We raise our hand.” I didn’t think Eli could sound humble, but he’s proven me wrong on more unlikely things than this. Turning her scowl back to me, Ms. Caldwell steepled her fingers and awaited my answer. I mimed casting a silence spell on myself and throwing the wand away. She wasn’t impressed. “Ethan.” She was getting angrier. I’d only seen her get this angry once before, and I still had nightmares about that day. I decided it wasn’t worth it. “It was four times Ms. Caldwell.”

A whole bunch of old and new works

5 days ago
You want to put each piece of dialogue in separate paragraphs. It will help readability a lot. I'm also not sure what the first line is about. If it's a dialogue, then who speaks it? Not Ms. Caldwell, as she is talking directly to the boys and wouldn't use 'they' in that context.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago
I assumed it was the title.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago
Even then, the rest of the narrative is in first person so it'd make more sense for the title to be 'We knew we were in trouble'. I don't know, maybe it's just me being nit picky.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago

The title is actually the prompt for what we had to write, as this was made for a class.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago
Oh, it's a prompt! That makes more sense.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago

Fresh has it right, it is (kind of) the title. And this was made within half an hour while colaborating with someone else on a google doc, so all thoughts of formating had been thrown out the window.

A whole bunch of old and new works

13 days ago

The story I started working on

 

Chapter One
\|--{The ruins}--|/

It had been a long time since Agnar had explored the abandoned laboratory. Six years, to be exact. A rumor had been circulating at school lately about how it still had some functioning equipment running on backup generators, and they were worth a fortune. However, a week ago somebody said they had found a sentient robot inside that had gone psychotic, trying to kill them. After that, nobody wanted to go near the place. However, one of his friends had dared Agnar to try and find something, and so they had all gathered outside the ruins. After agreeing that he would take a picture if he found anything, and to then immediately return, he went in.
It was almost pitch black inside the collapsing structures, and Agnar had to turn on his flashlight to see anything. He went into countless rooms, some with broken lab equipment, others with computers that wouldn’t turn on. It was like a maze, with hallways looping in on themselves, and half-destroyed rooms creating dead ends. Eventually, he found his way into what seemed to be a more isolated room, having sustained less damage than anything he had seen so far. He entered cautiously, shining his flashlight on anything and everything before advancing. There was something deeper in it that had reflected the light, and despite Agnars worries that it might be the psychotic robot, he felt the need to check it out. When Agnar got to it, he sighed. It was something he had already seen before, although this one wasn’t in a state of disrepair like the rest. It was a large metal cylinder, with the front being made of glass and slightly ajar. It had pipes running into it, with some tubes and robotic arms dangling from the ceiling inside. After he took a picture of it, Agnar decided to try and get a selfie of him inside it. It was easy to open, the door gliding smoothly across the track. Stepping inside, he realized that it was almost perfectly sized to fit a full grown man, with only a few inches of wiggle room.
Taking a quick selfie and stepping out, Agnar froze. It might have been his imagination, but he thought something had made a noise. After a few seconds, he heard it again; A grating, squealing sound, like a rusty hinge being forced fully open by being dragged on the ground. Then, he heard a faint muttering, the words sounding both robotic and like the rantings of a madman. Agnar frantically searched for a hiding place, hoping to not be seen by it, but saw nowhere to go. Looking back, he saw the shadow of a distorted figure, its movements jerky and halting, unmistakably a robot. He lunged toward the cylinder, dropping his flashlight in his haste. It clattered against the floor, the sound echoing through the room like a gun had been shot off. He hoped no more sound would be made when he closed the door, so that it would at least not know where he was, but it clicked at the last second.
The shadow stopped at the sound of the flashlight dropping to the floor, and the head jerked up. Agnar held his breath, crouching down and trying to make himself as hidden as he could behind the glass. It came closer, and he could hear it mumbling to itself, the voice muffled by the glass.

“-n’t have that, now can we? Sneaky little thieves trying to steal our data, thinking they own the place. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to show them what happens to thieves.”

It chuckled, a mix between a fan sputtering and metal being ground together. It switched its voice between two that were almost identical to each other, but unmistakably from different personalities. When it stepped into the light of his flashlight, Agnar’s eyes widened in horror. The robot looked like one of the androids from a sci-fi movie, being freakishly similar to a human, yet clearly not at the same time. It was hunched over, its limbs at angles impossible for a human, with scorch marks and rents covering its body. Its face was mangled, the face half-melted on one side, drooping down and revealing the gears and wires inside of its head. When it caught sight of Agnar a twisted grin spread across its face, the rips in the mask growing wider.

“Oh, now what do we have here? It’s a nasty, slimy human, that’s what it is. You must be the one your gang talked about. Don’t worry little one, you’ll be seeing them again very soon.”

It reached for the handle, and Agnar lunged forward, grasping it and holding the door shut with all his might. A look of annoyance came over the android, and it became exasperated, talking like someone would to a troublesome child.

“Come now, don’t you want to be with your little gang of misfits again? Perhaps you can tell them all the secrets you found here. Yes, and you won’t have anyone else to blabber our story to. Besides, you aren’t going to escape, not from us.”

It yanked, and Agnar could feel the force behind the attempt. The door stayed closed though, seeming to have been jammed. The android paused, seeming perplexed. It tugged at the handle a few times, complained about the equipment automatically locking, then stepped away. It did a slow clap, a look of sarcasm clear on its mutilated face.

“Wow, great job. Now you’re stuck in there until we get the power on. Or perhaps we could just leave him there to rot, letting his body slowly digest itself! No, you idiot, someone could come by and turn on the power themselves, freeing him. Hmph, you’re no fun.

Then, it stalked off, grumbling about having to find a power source to open the door with a control panel. After a few minutes, the lights around the cylinder flickered to life, and Agnar could hear machines starting up. Within a few moments, it returned.

“... need to do now is find the control panel! Why didn’t those engineers place it at the front anyways? So inconvenient.”

Agnar panicked, banging on the walls and calling out for help. It seemed to dismiss him, going behind the cylinder.

“Oh, shut up, it will all be over soon. Nasty little things, humans. Always complaining about everything. Stop banging around in there, you’ll-”

It was cut off by the sounds of pipes rattling. Agnar looked up, seeing a faint glow coming from the holes where the pipes entered. The android suddenly became panicked, a hint of desperation tinging its guttural voice.

“No. No, no, no, no! You didn’t, you couldn’t! What did you do? What did you do!

A bright blue gel with swirls in it started pouring into the cylinder, the substance slowly filling up the space. Agnar saw it start pacing around him, talking to itself.

“It shouldn’t even have reserves for this! Why is this happening? Did us turning on the power start it up? No, that shouldn’t mess with the controls!”

It stopped in front of Agnar, seeming to realize something. It turned to face him, a look of fury coming over it.

You! You did this! This was your plan all along, wasn’t it? You would lock yourself in here, trick us into turning the systems on, and then start the stasis sequence to escape. Well, it won’t work! We’ll show you what happens when you-”

A loose tile fell from the ceiling, shaken down by the rattling of the pipes. It hit the android on the head, knocking it down. Agnar saw it shudder a few times, mutter something about not having enough power to restart its systems again, and turn off. The gel filled over half of the space now, and he saw the tubes and arms start to move. The gel started to come quicker, and just as he realized what the machine inside was for, the gel went over his head and he fell unconscious.

A whole bunch of old and new works

7 days ago

I loved this so much. I started off thinking about the broader landscape of this world, wondering why there is a robot in an abandoned lab, why people seem to believe it, and what year it is. Once I got into the middle of the story, I completely forgot about all of those questions and was just drawn into what was happening in the moment.

The antagonist is fantastic. The description, the subtle differences in the voices, and the seemingly erratic behavior all worked so well. The antagonist felt magnetic and complex, not just edgy for the sake of being edgy or complicated. He felt real, alive, and layered, with just enough left unexplained to force the reader to fill in the gaps about his mental state and purpose.

My main critique is that the ending felt a little rushed and the sudden "death" of the robot came across as a bit lazy and random. I loved the plot twist with the bait setup in the middle. I'm just left questioning who this droid was, what it was doing in the laboratory, how it became mangled and so coldly manipulative. What were its plans for the protagonist? Why go through the trouble of baiting them? These questions don't  necessarily need to be answered in this excerpt. It's more a testament to how well you created a desire within me to know more by holding back just the right amount of information while doing everything else well. Although sprinkling in a few clues about the robot’s past and purpose would have elevated it even further. Its battered and mangled body could hint at a tragic antihero sort of antagonist as opposed to an evil for evil’s sake antagonist. Give him a reason for his madness. Make him someone whose purpose we can root for, even if we do not agree with his means. Make him tragic but undeniable.

A whole bunch of old and new works

6 days ago

Thank you again! The time this is in is not shown on purpose, as I want it to be able to be read for a long time without it becoming "outdated" in a sense. Agnar will be in cryo until the distant future, with the robot having been be repaired by someone. I am planing on developing both of their characters and revealing the robots backstory in the story (if I work on it more). Also, it wasn't baiting them, it has just gone mad and is walking around trying to kill anyone inside, thinking that they are there to steal "company secrets."

This is also my most recent story, so it is probably going to be a bit better than the rest of them.

A whole bunch of old and new works

6 days ago

Side note: this was made in a google document, so the title does look a bit different than what I had planned.

A whole bunch of old and new works

13 days ago

There is also the AI story I "helped make". If anyone wants to see it, just let me know.

A whole bunch of old and new works

12 days ago

I found the other poem! This was made for a spoken word poetry contest, so it's meant to be read aloud.

 

Come young ones, gather ‘round,
let me tell you a tale.
A tale older than all
Of those who never set sail.
Not wanting to stay,
nor wanting to go
   “We will yet depart!”
They always crow

Now our story it hails
From an island so old,
Their memories and myths
Lost to time and no more told
Among these strange folk
there resides a king,
his deeds so vile
that no bard would sing.

Still none would set leave
and sail off to the sea
because all here know:
They would sail off a tree.
Though the tree containing their world
is nothing more than King’s trick,
the line between true and false blurred
their lives they would dare not risk

But what would make them trust
in such blatant a lie,
that none would ever leave
or resolve to even try?
Fear is the answer,
fear of the unknown.
It’s keeping them here,
obeying the throne.

A whole bunch of old and new works

5 days ago
Good! I can't claim to know much about poetry but fear of the unknown is quite relatable. The first step can often be the hardest. The poem captures this quite well.

A whole bunch of old and new works

4 days ago

Thank you! I didn't have any main idea in mind when I started writing it, but I did eventually make it about the fear of the unkown. I think it turned out pretty well for how I had nothing planned for it in the beggining.

A whole bunch of old and new works

5 days ago

Might as well put this here.

The Price of Magic (3rd revision):

 

Alighting onto an outcropping, I watch my arms return and my wings fade to mist. I revel in the fact that I have magic, that I can finally do what everyone else could. But were the friends I had left behind worth it? Was the portal I had destroyed too big a price? It was one of the only four connecting to Arcadia, the paradise that we had worked so hard to get to. It was a gateway, a door into another world, something of myths and legends. I have no idea what effect removing it will have on the world. I cradle my head in my hands, trying to block out the light of the sun.

The burning fire in the sky is gone, replaced by the flames flickering on the torch, illuminating the dark, moonless night. I feel it slip from my grasp as I throw it, watch it tumble end over end, hear the thump of it hitting the gateway. I feel the heat of the flames licking up the arch, reaching for the sky, burning the wood to ashes. They call me, reach for me, tell me to join them in their paradise, their “heaven”. I watch as the portal sputters, the arms jerk back, what little wood that remains fall into a crude imitation of a campfire, and hear their screams echo around me. My head whips up, and the pain of my face burning finally registers. I try to calm myself down and pick myself up. I focus, breathing in a steady rhythm, and the wings come back. I step off the edge, and I fly. I ride the currents, finding updrafts and catching them, sending myself soaring up into the sky.

Though I am being carried by the winds, the ghosts from my past still haunt me. Still I hear them calling out to me, beckoning me to them, asking me to join them in their paradise. I can still feel the heat of the portal burning, as if their anger and wrath toward me was stoking the flames higher. After all they have done, I know that they deserved it. Yet still I wonder what would happen to them. I make a solemn vow to myself then, a promise that if I ever meet another person looking for Arcadia, I will help them. I will use my magic to find another portal, and ensure they make it there safely. With the past behind me, the future waiting ahead, and with the powers I had bargained for, I flew on.