There's an easier way. Buy billion zimbabwe dollars. It'll cost you a pittance.
1k for a private eye? holy crap! lol doing the math, Ford's stock in february of last year was $1.58, it has hit $14 recently. that would have been the better bet. Citibank's shares are at an all time low right now too, another good investment. but anyway, is this for a story 3j?
1. Come up with a lame clever nickname.
2. Write a bunch of rap songs about sex, drugs, and how gay full of yourself you are whilst overusing profanities. The last part is VERY crucial, you will not make ANY money if you do not curse at least 6 times per 2 seconds.
3. Make sure to record the songs with so much AutoTune that people can't understand a word you're saying.
4. Submit your work to a publishing company.
5. Turn on the radio, and hear your songs and about how it's the #1 alBUM in existance.
If the money does not get mailed to you, threaten the radio station. They'll lose popularity if people found out they stood up to the reason they're making so much money.
With the money, keep writing more "songs" and keep repeating the process.