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Hey guys so I made a new story it´s called ¨17 Years¨ i kinda messed up but I think I did pretty good. Go check it out and let e know what you think!! Thanx 

To be honest, I wasn't a fan. The game was incredibly short and didn't have a lot going on. The characters were bland, with Krishna being a generic best friend and the two boys being the exact same. I mean, both paths were literally the exact same. There wasn't enough to actually have romance build up, and both guys were pretty bland. It seems like this was just an author fantasy.

Not really sure what you mean by, "I kinda messed up but I think I did pretty good." ... How can you mess up AND do good? If you think you messed up, that means you know there's something wrong with the game and you should fix it. If you think you did good, that means you don't see anything wrong with the game and you want to keep it the way it is. You can't really mess up and do good at the same time.

But yeah, I pretty much just agree with what everybody else said about how bland the characters are. None of them had any personality at all, which surprised me because you claim that it's based on your own life. If these characters are based on real people then you must know what their personalities are like already... But for some reason you didn't bother to mention them in the game. It was like being asked out by two pieces of cardboard and having to choose which one I liked best with literally nothing to go on except their names. 

In the author's defense, it's a pretty obvious choice. When one piece of cardboard has a bland ass name like Daniel and my name is already Danielle in the game, and the other piece of cardboard has a kickass name like Sage, I know which one I'm attracted to.

Sage is clearly the superior piece of cardboard ^_^

In a romance story, you really need to have excellent characterization and imagery to draw out emotions in your readers. The reader needs to see them in his/her mind and feel a strong connection. A lot of the comments raised good points, but in particular...

@Briar_Rose brought up how naive it is to have the characters ride off into the sunset and get married after accepting one date. That's not romantic so much as creepy. Where is the intimacy between the characters?

Oh, and Briar... I have this bloody thing stuck in my head now thanks to you... *Ahem. Bucky grabs his microphone and begins to serenade Briar.*

Hey, I never met you!
And this is Crazy!
But here's my e-mail!
So, let's get married!

Thanks for that :/

"Such an awesome email address! Definitely the email address of someone I want to marry!"

Yeah I get where you guys are coming from. What I meant was yeah I know it sucks but for this being my first one it didn´t come out too bad. But in the future I promise I will make a whole better one that you can actually connect to the characters. And actually for the caracter´s in real life I actually like Sage but I used to like Daniel in the past. And for the characters, these are actual real people, my best friends, and yeah lol

 

I´m sorry tho guys 

Well, if you knew it sucked, it shouldn't have been published, because it wasn't great. If the characters in the story really were based on real people, why were Sage and Daniel the exact same?

More importantly, I knew Sage was the way to go! #SAGEISSEXY

Hey, it's a start! The promise to try again is a helluva lot more than the shit we got in the past!

I mean, it's nothing to get physically upset about. No one is going to light up torches and chase you through the town-square with pitchforks. Unless you start publishing GENERIC STORY PART 1: PART OF THE START, followed one hour later by, GENERIC STORY PART 2: THE OTHER PART OF THE START... and so on. Then the lighter fluid might get passed round.

But seriously, don't take the feedback too hard. No one starts writing stories and spits out gems the first time. Take the criticism and apply it to your next attempt. All the community really asks for is honest effort. But Steve and Briar are right, it's never a good idea to publish less than your best effort.

Thanx this really does help tho I mean I´ve made stories before but this is my first ¨choose your own path¨ type of one so I´m still getting the hang of it. And with the story, each character was supposed to have a different path but every time I´d go to change something for one character it would apply that change to the other character at the same time which kept pissing me off so then when I looked at it the last time I thought it had finally done what I wanted it to until I posted it and actually played it that I realized that both of them had THE SAME EXACT ENDING so yeah sorry about that.

Umm... Not true. Quite a few people have written really good games on their first try ^_^

True, your right

I just mean for me personally, I have to practice making a couple times and then I will finally get the hang of it. That´s just how I am, but like you said I don´t know how other people are on their first try.

The first time they've written any story? I'm not referring to just a first story here. If Stephen King decided to drop a CYOA in here, I would imagine it'd be pretty dang good. But anyone who says the first story they ever wrote was really good is either a liar or delusional.

Exactly

"If Stephen King decided to drop a CYOA here, I would imagine it'd be pretty dang good."

Ehh, maybe... I mean, there's only so many times you can hear a story about a bunch of underdogs with personal problems that fight evil in Maine before you start to wonder if the one you're reading really is "good" or if you're just thinking it's good because Stephen's name is on the cover. His books are a bit like the Shakespeare comedies that way.

Be fair. At least one was in a Nebraskan cornfield.

Uhh... Well the first story that people EVER wrote was probably in school when they were about 6, so... Yeah, I'll give you that one.

Still can't get my head round why so many people say, "Sorry, I know it sucks but it was my first story game!" ... I really, really don't get it. Why do people not care if their first storygame is good? Surely people should want to put extra effort into their first storygame to give people a good impression?

Anyway, I guess what we're trying to say is, if you're making a game about people you know, then surely it should be easy to write about them. You don't even have to make up your own characters, the characters already exist and you just have to write them down. How hard is it to write, "Daniel is a skater with black hair who loves listening to old 80s rock music and getting stoned at the weekend." Or, "Sage is a serious comic book nerd who spends all his free time drawing anime." ... Obviously I don't know these guys personalities, but you do. You could've at least written a one sentence summary describing what they're like.

I accept your request for marriage and expect to be pregnant with triplets by the end of the week. ^_^

Booked my flight, but it's quadruplets or bust.

They'll have their mother's wit and their father's lack of flesh, skin and a body.