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World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Well...  As you could tell from the title...  I am going to take my time to remake this game.  To tell you the truth, I only spent about maybe three hours on this game, and I kind of regret it.  So now I am going to start from "scratch."  The plot and setting will remain the same of course, but now there will be much more detail, much more gore, and much more to do.  There will be more dialog, more character development, and more characters in general.

Oh, and don't forget.  More choices!

In the meantime, I wanted to know...  When I publish this "Remastered" version, should I delete the old version, or should I publish the old game to, so people should see what changed?

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Take it down, use the existing pages and add more to it.

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

But that would take me longer.  I've already began in a separate "game."  And I figured I might as well have started over anyways.

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Then delete the first one. Two of the same story  doesn't bode well. :/ 

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Considering I was a fan of the original, I'm sure I'll like this.

Anyway, I'm with Malk, you should delete the original once you publish this version. And honestly, I think this is more of a remake (Taking the same concept and doing it over) than a remaster (Making it look better [Which would most likely mean more description in a CYOA]).

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

But "remastered" sounds cooler...

Ah.  Anyways, thanks for the advice.

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Alright guys.  I am here to show you the difference between effort, and... the opposite of effort.

 

The new (and not permanent) text:

When the beaches loom into view, a feeling of terror jolts you into reality.  Nervousness numbs your rational thinking, and now the emotions begin to pour out.

As you glance around at your comrades, you realize that not every man would return, if any.  It was a one way mission for many of you, and the rest would be given the so much more responsibility.  Looking around, you silently thank every single soldier sitting in front of you.  Private Gordon.  Private Dunlin.  Sergeant Mark Hale.  These men are your allies.  Your brothers in arms.

Every man on this craft had a story to tell, but the thing is, that not every story will survive.  It was up to the willpower and their courage and sheer luck if they were to survive.  And they knew it.

As time ticked away, and the beaches grew in size, you reach into your pocket, your fingers wrapping around a single sheet of paper.  Unwrapping it, you read the lines, even though you've already memorized the whole letter.  When the last words are read, tears blind your vision, giving everything a blurry look.  You wipe the tears from your eyes, as the landing craft jets through the ocean.

"Team!" Captain Hale addresses you.  Out of all the things he could've called you, he had settled on simply 'team.'  "Not all of you are going to return today.  But know that those who do return, will carry the fallen on our backs until the end.  We will carry on your legacy!  Think about the women and children back home.  You are fighting for them.  You are fighting for your country.  You are fighting for yourself!"

He pauses, leaving only the sound of waves crashing against the landing craft.

"You have two choices today:  To fight here today alongside your brothers, or to hide in the shadows, and watch all of your brothers get killed.  It is time to fight!"  As he finishes, a serene feeling falls over the men.

During the war that would take years to be resolved, it had taken only mere seconds for the soldiers to find their peace.

 

The original text:

The moment the bullet pierced through the soldier's head, you lower yourself onto the floor of the landing craft.  Around you, the other soldiers are hiding next to the walls and the floors, as bullets rained upon you and your comrades, mostly ricocheting off of the metal walls, but sometimes, they hit an unsuspecting soldier.  Off into the distance, explosions were going off, setting the true setting of the situation.  Your fingers are wrapped tightly around the body of your M1 Carbine, though your hands are trembling.

You glance around at your comrades, each and everyone having a story, yet not every man in this craft will return home.  You pull out a letter from your pocket, and scan the words once more, before you step out of this vehicle..  When you read the last words, a tear sprouts from your eye.  You wipe the tear, as you scan the faces of your brothers around you.  All of them have a hard face on, not knowing what was going to happen next.

All of a sudden, the landing craft jerks, then shudders violently, before coming to a stop.  Every soldier wishes good luck, before the door to the craft opens, revealing everyone to the deadly weapons of the enemy.

 

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS IF POSSIBLE

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

REPLY HERE IF YOU ARE TO REPLY

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Good start but the writing felt dull and redundant, I felt you could add more immersion (though I can see you gave effort). Finally, you need to learn how to maintain a tense - I saw a lot of switching between present and past tenses.

Also, I say just take down your old one. No one needs to see it.

World Wars: Beach Landings - Remastered

10 years ago

Yeah.  This writing is really only the first draft.  My plan is to write out the whole game first, then to rework my way through the whole story a second time.

And, yeah I probably will get rid of the first text, but for now, I'm going to use it to compare my writing witheach other.