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So, I'm having real trouble with POF right now. I'm re-writing the scene where Andreas meets Caecillia and I'm really struggling to get across that the two characters have a genuine connection. It's pretty tricky, I'm basically trying to get across the "love at first sight" idea when I don't actually believe in love at first sight myself... Maybe the problem is that Caecillia's character isn't interesting enough. Anybody have any ideas how I could tweak the character to make the protagonist more drawn to her, or at least to get across that he has some kind of connection to her when they first meet.

Don't try for love at first sight, please. That's not how it works or how it feels, it's just what movies want to force-feed people ... I mean, I may be biased, but ... it's more like "this person is different, I'm at ease around them, I want to get to know them, my troubles feel smaller when they're near / I feel stronger / happier when I'm with them, I'd like to spend more time with them, I care about what happens to them even though we barely know each other... "

It's not something you can really define as straight up love, not that quickly, and definitely not at that age. It's more important to be earnest at this point than passionate. You really just need to make it clear that Andreas feels that she's special and that Caecillia feels the same way. Some awkward feelings of basic attraction or the mild acknowledgment that she's a pretty girl doesn't hurt either, I guess.

... *rubs temples* I may have just overloaded myself with sappiness.

Edit: As for making her more interesting, you could give her a goal / ambition to give her a little depth. Don't get me wrong, I know she's supposed to be nice and she is. But over all, she just seems like another silly, aimless, sheltered rich-girl. If you recall Lulu's criticism of her character, then maybe you could try to do something to prove her wrong. Alternatively, if you want to make 'being nice' more of a solid and defining trait, I'd suggest showing her doing more. Maybe sneaking out to help the less fortunate? Or perhaps just developing the awareness that caring about something is meaningless in the grand scheme if you don't act.   

Yeah, I wasn't really thinking passionate love considering they're like ten years old. I was thinking more the cute kind of love that you get when a kid has their first crush... Like when Forest Gump meets Jenny for the first time, that kind. ^_^

I guess maybe I could get across more that she's supposed to be likable by having her do something kind and selfless the first time you see her... Thanks Kiel ^_^

Sounds right, heh. Though I guess I'm also trying to consider that you might attempt to adjust somewhat for the time period, since "adult" was a ... different concept back then. (I actually hope not, I always did find the idea of 13 year old wives really damn creepy.) Well, either way, I get'cha.

My pleasure, always happy to help a great writer with a great story. :)  

 

Awh, thanks Kiel! ^_^

I think Kiel hit it spot on. The only thing I would add is - sometimes when you first meet someone you develop a strange intrigue. Not love, but a gnawing sensation that demands you get to know this person better, find out who they are, what they are about.

A good framework for this idea may be when you hear about a person and some of their exploits before you actually meet them. Maybe you connect with the person, maybe they just sound fun, maybe they're unique and you want to pick apart their brain and see what's inside (I"ll leave that to you, as to whether you want to take that literally or not.) This model builds a certain mystic around the potential love interest, helping to sell the intrigue aspect.

As for Caecillia, I would say giving her a strong character flaw a problem, or a goal would make her more rounded. Or all three? Suppose daddy wants to train her to do the books for his business ventures, but she wants to become a priestess and does not have the guts to tell him so.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be marvelous.

Yeah, I was actually trying to cover that point in my post when I said "I want to get to know them" and "I'd like to spend more time with them," but it was a good elaboration... 

=\ The only issue with hearing about her "exploits" is that Caecillia is still pretty young. I doubt she's done a whole lot that the protagonist would learn of beforehand, but something like that could still be done.

Agreed. Briar is an excellent writer and I'm sure she'll do well regardless.

Thanks Bucky! Also very good advice. I'm not sure about the whole "hearing of her exploits thing" 'cos like Kiel said, she's ten so she's not really done a lot. I have thought a lot about character flaws and she has her fair share (though they don't really become more obvious until later in the game. One thing I never actually thought about though was a goal. I never considered what Caecillia's ambitions might be, and I think I should put a lot of thought into them because... You know... She's rich! Rich people can afford to have ambitions 

Indeed! Which is one of the reasons I suggested it, too. I've always liked the trope: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RoyalsWhoActuallyDoSomething and I know she's not a royal, but she's close enough for the setting and cast, really.

You know what's funny? Looking at your first post this morning, I remember reading your edit before I posted. But I also remember not remembering it 30 seconds later when I replied.

Chalk one up for the lingering power of sub-conscience thoughts. This reminds me of the music topic.