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New Story

9 years ago

I started a new story a while back. I only work on it when I want to, so progress is slow. I can't guarantee I'll finish it, either. But I figured feedback would be good. Here's the link. 

You'll notice I haven't written anything but one path so far. Here's a walkthrough to see the path I've been working on:

Take Data #01
Greet her nicely
Step out of the cell
Eat one
Sleep
Race
Turn around and wait for Star

New Story

9 years ago
You only work on it when you want to? Well it's good that no one is holding a gun to your head making you write or anything... ;)

As for the story, I was confused by the premise. During the setup, I felt like I was a character with zero knowledge. Then on the planet, suddenly I knew all sorts of things and concepts like eating, food, racing, fun, mountains, etc. I don't know, I just felt a strong disconnect there, like the character knew a lot more than he should have the way it started. Nice, clear writing with good descriptions of things!

New Story

9 years ago

The idea was that eventually the alien guy is going to tell them how he gave them a bunch of knowledge to help them. It's sort of lazy on my part I guess, but whatever