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You stare into the mirror before you, vision locked on the two sparkling green eyes reflecting back. The figure in the mirror has a pale gaunt face, black untamed hair, and a small yet athletic looking frame. He looks confident, calm, and deadly. You know first hand he is none of these. What you see in the smooth glass isn't Jacob Ivory. Jacob died when he decided to trade his humanity for power. That was the same day Jake was born. Although its been centuries, you don't appear a day older than you did in 1692. The perks of being eternally damned I guess.

 

Pulling away from the mirror, you walk over to a small art studio. You grab a knife off an easel and slide it across your palm. Placing your hand over a bowl to catch the drip, you stare, fascinated, at the black tar-like liquid coursing from your palm. After you have enough, you wrap your hand in cloth to stop the flow. Using a feather, you start to draw a rose onto paper with your blood. After the image solidifies, you place the newly formed flower in a cup of water. It took you years to perfect your curse into a usable form. You found that anything drawn in blood, you could animate into being. Pretty cool; almost worth the fact that every bounty hunter, demigod, cultist, arch-demon, and literally all of heaven and hell wants you dead. But hey, you never have to buy anything.

 

You pause as you hear a knock at the door. Odd, you were not been expecting company.

 

Answer the door

Ignore them in hopes they will leave

I already spot 23 grammar mistakes...and that's just from the first glance. >~<

It's a rough draft, I'll make sure to put it through a program before I finish it. What's your thoughts on if it explains the character enough or not?

Well, it does explain the character pretty well.

Shows how your character looks like, a bit of his backstory, and leaves a few things a mystery..

Any recommendations for grammar checking software?

Uh...I don't know. I don't really use any grammar checking software ^^;

gotcha 

I could help with grammar checking this part...?

That would be great if you were willing to do that, mate!

So question: Jacob sold his soul to a demon for his powers, correct? How is it then that he's powerful enough to evade arch-demons (presumably very powerful demons), then? His powers should, at the very, very best, be equal to that of the demon he traded with, and even then it'd seem unlikely the demon would give all its powers for a soul. Selling your soul would presumably be done enough that there would be several people who've done so able to take him out.

It has nothing to do with power. He literally avoids confrontation. And all he has is the blood magic. Nothing else. 

It seems either if he's the avoid confrontation type, he shouldn't be wanted by so many people.

Fair point. It isn't addressed but the short story of it is he is an abomination and a threat to both sides. He himself isn't deadly, but his blood is.

Again, I feel whatever threat he posed couldn't be more than that of an average demon, and his blood would be pretty much the same. 

His blood allows for the creation of anything. His blood is the only thing setting him apart from a normal person.

Why his blood specifically?

Having the powers need his blood was a good change, they're still extremely versatile but there's a logical limit and reasons he wouldn't just sit there making things all day.

Anyhow, not a bad start at all, especially by CYS standards. I'd be clicking to the next page to see what happened next and that's more of my attention than most stories have managed to grab lately.

'Pretty cool; almost worth the fact that every bounty hunter, demigod, cultist, arch-demon, and literally all of heaven and hell wants you dead.'

This is the part that concerns me. First page of the story and the character that shares your name is already not only an immortal badass but has the attention of the entire universe. It's usually preferred for protagonists to have to do something to earn that kind of importance, and either way this raises some red flags.

To be blunt, my biggest concern since the first thread (and I think what Sent and others have been getting at) is that this character could easily wind up being some kind of Gary Stu.

A lot of it was the focus you were putting on his powers over everything else. I'm still unsure of setting, plot, etc., all things that would usually be brought up as part of discussing a story. What is the central conflict planned to be, for instance? Or does it change path to path?

Path to path. I'm also trying to include the dynamic where you choose what you draw. That way choosing to draw isn't a get out of jail free card. I'm debating removing the being wanted aspect and having you gain notoriety throughout the game.

It seems that would just lead to pigeon-holing. If the choice was like draw a gun, a smoke grenade or a wild dog to kill or escape from an intruder, or in dozens of situations, I'd question why I can't just draw a tank. If I can draw anything, that's an insanely powerful ability.

I'd assume that, if the ink runs on blood, he'd have to keep things smaller than a breadbox. Not just because paper just isn't that big, but because making an entire tank might also make you a tad short of breath, to say the least.

Yes. However, he could draw on the ground i guess. But I highly doubt he could manage anything bigger than a bike, let alone a tank. He's not green lantern or Daniel X. He needs time to make anything big.

Because it requires blood to do so. Sure you can draw a tank if you don't die from blood loss first.

Also, the name is similar to my username for a good reason. I was looking for sites that allowed you to make "pick your own" games. I made this account mainly to make this story.