A Chosen Hero

So, first off, I want to say that you had absolutely phenomenal world-building. Its very clear you sat and thought this out to the point where it was fully fleshed out. I found myself actively wanting to read all of the background links and be drawn further into this world. Whether it be small things such as meeting Raven or as important as the dreams with Alessa, I was always interested.

Now, after that, I'm gonna get the negatives out of the way. First off: As has been mentioned in other comments, the first page is the most egregious of the mistakes when it comes to grammar. There are a few pages that have minor misspellings or incorrect punctuation but it in no way prevents this from being an enjoyable and immersive story. I suggest just taking a little time to go over and edit this because there isn't much and it'd make this already good story into something great. Other than that, my main issue is the lack of a proper conclusion. Mind you, for these reviews I only do one ending (bar any pre-mature deaths) in order to see that the path I chose still feels cohesive. So where I ended, a lot was unresolved. The war was still raging on, we don't know whether the princess will survive or not (though it is seemingly implied she's alive?), and we don't ever have a confrontation between the members of the first mission and having to capture the princess. All in all, I do feel like that could've been handled a bit better, even if you still planned to leave it on a cliff hanger.

Now on to the positives outside of world building. The characters were interesting (although a bit under utilized) and I enjoyed how each of them were fleshed out. They had unique personalities that allowed for them to feel believable inside the world you created. This also allowed for me to feel immersed in the story, which is exactly the goal of writing something in general. Stories are a form of escapism and this is absolutely doing that task. being immersed allowed me to feel the story and what the characters were experiencing! That connection is so vital to a good story. Now, as the last thing I want to touch on, it feels a bit underwhelming but is arguably the driving force of this story. The set-pieces fit so well and are described in a way that makes them easy to picture and gives the story a nice flow to it. Scenery is something I find difficult to utilize personally so seeing you actually be able to craft scenes in the way you do is really awesome.

Overall, not bad! I definitely think this is worth a read and if it is ever edited/updated I will definitely go through it again!

The overall writing quality is superb, but the opening page is poorly done. Since I’ve read Ebon’s featured story, The Lost Realm, I knew the opening would not be reflective of the overall piece. Still, it’s pretty bad. To be honest, if I didn’t read Ebon’s writing before I’d probably stop reading here. Luckily, it gets better. Way better.

A couple things that I must applaud Ebon for is his world building and descriptors. The CYOA writing style makes it easy to fall into bland clusterf*ck of “you” actions (you go here, you feel bad, etc.). It is not so with A Chosen Hero. Right away I’m thrust into a world of rigorous training, which shows the importance of the main character and his father. It also shows that they (more importantly, the MC) have the skillset and characteristics of a hero. Granted knowledge isn’t necessarily a heroic trait on its own, but the discipline behind it is. As for world building, I’m a fan of both natural introduction and deeper, in-depth background pages. This story has both. Yay.

The cabin in the woods story made it seem like a fairy tale. It involves a mysterious cabin, a man that no one’s heard of or seen, a princess, and the illusionary element of safety. Not to mention the poor choices made by children, but I guess that’s expected. Kids are fucking stupid. The MC isn’t, but I understand that the thrill and company of the princess could’ve outweighed common sense.

As far as introducing conflict and progressing the story, A Chosen Hero excelled. I enjoyed the sudden shift from fairy tale perfection into absolute nightmare. And can I just mention the text change while reading your father’s note is a cool element to include. Anyways, the beginning story is blissful happiness until things go very wrong, very fast. The dynamic character shift of Alessa was a ‘fun’ journey too.

Overall it’s an intriguing story done masterfully in a CYOA format. Worth reading.

The writing was good, but there were some mistakes. However they didn't end up detracting from the experience (for me at least).

From what I found this seems to be pretty linear, but the 'non standard game overs' are still proper pages, glimpses into what if scenarios, if you will.

There was also a lot of writing, the world seems to be pretty rich and the characters seemed to be pretty unique. It didn't feel like they were just there to advance the plot.

Honestly, this is one of the better stories out there. I encourage you to give it a read, just don't expect massive branching paths.

With that said, I'm hoping for more from this author, this storygames proves they can write well, and the more they write the better it'll become.

I also rather liked some of the universe lore (this is what I'm calling it), it seemed pretty well thought out.

TL;DR
A storygame that is not very heavy on the choosing part, but is still definitely worth the read.

i was not expecting the twist at the end 9/10

It started off great. Nice plot. BUT, the ending was quite abrupt. SPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERTSPOILER ALERT

Is there a way to avoid dying while on the mission? Could someone tell me if there is? thanks ~ dotohdot

It’s a good story but very linear

Not really a choice story when only one choice let's you continue reading.

I enjoyed the story. It was adequately fleshed out and had suitable thoughts, emotions, maturity, and everything else a human would feel throughout life. The options were also realistic to a degree and I found myself experiencing the story with my own mind and body. Excellent work!

oh beep that was good

There's only one choice. The other choices are there, but they'll kill you on the next page. This isn't even a choose-your-own-story kind of book, it's just an ordinary book that doesn't belong on this website. The plot is also boring. Don't read this, not worth your time.