EbonVasilis, The Wordsmith

Member Since

3/9/2016

Last Activity

10/25/2021 2:57 PM

EXP Points

203

Post Count

826

Storygame Count

3

Duel Stats

3 wins / 4 losses

Order

Architect Exemplar

Commendations

237

Hello there random user! You are reading the profile of EbonVasilis. Look down below for my storygames. All are original, but The Lost Realm is currently my crowning story. I am currently out of country/state, and will be unavailable until the approximate time of summer 2021. If you are reading this and it is the fall of 2021, then I am likely dead or otherwise incapacitated. If so, then I relinquish all my points to TharaApples. (for what they’re worth) If by 2022 I have not logged in, then feel free to ban/decapitate this corpse of an account. 

If I am back on time, then all statements above should be rendered defunct. 

If there arise any questions, then don’t pm me. Instead I would like you to open the forums up, create a thread in the lounge, and tag EndMaster three times in the same post. After that you should await further instruction within that thread. 

Enjoy the stories otherwise! 

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Won the 2018 Romance Contest Having 1 Storygame(s) Featured Given by EndMaster on 03/11/2018 - For righteous crusading against degeneracy (And stories)

Storygames

A Chosen Hero

A world on the cusp of disaster. Two sides on the verge of destroying each other, but there is hope. In the form of a hero. Now this will person..., will they be able to rise into the mantle of hero? 

Author's Note

There are links that lead to background information... I highly suggest reading those, as they contain fairly important information.

Criticism is very welcome. 

This is an entry for BerkaZerka's 2017 Summer Slam Contest

 


Featured Story Magno

A historical fiction based upon Alexander the Great and his rise to the throne. 

Note that not everything in this story is factually correct, but there is one path based upon true history.

Note: Nearly every choice has an effect on something, so make your choices carefully. There are four epilogues to be found. 

Criticism is very welcome.

This is an entry for Bucky's 2017 December Story Contest

 


The Lost Realm

On the night of your marriage, your wife is captured and you are left for dead in an alley. When you come to, your wife is missing, and your once perfect life now in tatters. What else is there to do but to kill those who have wronged you, save your wife, and restore equilibrium to your life? Before you can do this, however, you must venture through The Lost Realm...

Author's Notes: Your choices matter, so choose carefully. There are 3 epilogues to be found.

This will likely be the first story in a series of five that I'm planning, so be sure to leave feedback, and please leave any criticisms you might have. 

Special Thanks:

I'd like to give a huge shout out to Mayana for beta testing for me. This story game would have loads more mistakes without her help. Thanks to Mizal as well for her help with scripting. 

This is an entry to EndMaster's 2018 Romance Story contest


Ascendant
unpublished

Born into slavery, you've never had much. You've never even hoped for much, but a stroke of luck frees you from the chains that kept you at the bottom. With freedom in your heart, and the world in your hands there is only one thing to do. Ascend.


Pride's Hunt
unpublished

An intruder has entered your Kingdom. He sows seeds of rebellion in an attempt to turn your subjects against you, the greatest demon Hell has ever known, Pride. He must be stopped before he causes anymore damage.

There are two endings: One mediocre ending, and an epilogue. 

This is an Entry to BZ's Creatures of the Night Contest


Spellbond
unpublished

Some tragic game


The Kingdom of Cystia
unpublished

This is a tentative description.

Basically, this is our beloved website turned into a medieval kingdom of sorts. It will feature most of what the site has to offer in the form of The Arena, where the citizens of Cystia craft Golems, weapons and their reputation in order win glory for themselves and their order.

This will definitely have users from the site as characters, but you yourself will be playing as a new user. Sorry ladies, but this new user will be a guy. Well I'm rambling in the description of the story, so I guess I'll just mention a few more things.

I'm taking full creative liberty when it comes to the users and the characters they portray. Therefore Steve could be the nicest person you've ever seen in this story regardless of his actual presence on this site.

Also, if you happen to be reading this during the process of me making it, and are interested in being a bet reader, pm me. For that reason, I'm keeping this on sneak preview.

I'll edit all of the unnecessary stuff out of this description later...

This story is put on hold in wake of the December story contest.


Recent Posts

Graveyard of Unfinished Stories on 10/22/2021 9:03:37 PM

Gotcha. Changed them


Graveyard of Unfinished Stories on 10/22/2021 8:47:45 PM

Noted.
 

Oh, so you can't view them?


Graveyard of Unfinished Stories on 10/22/2021 7:02:59 PM

Yeah, that's a good idea. I honestly completely forgot about that, so I'll get that taken care of. Don't ratings reset if I take it down?
 

I'm mostly looking at appraising the stories to see what their worth is, but maybe I'll edit/finish them if people like them enough. 


Graveyard of Unfinished Stories on 10/22/2021 5:02:30 PM

I was going through all of the story games I have created, wrote a few pages of, then forgotten, and found some that may be of some worth. There are only three, and one was the last story I published a couple of years back. I would like to know, if there is anyone so kind as to help me, which of these has the most potential. I'm in the process of story boarding a different story game, and I'm trying to determine which parts of my writing are strengths/weaknesses. That, and I would like to know which of these story ideas genuinely seemed the most compelling or interesting. The first two are incomplete in the extreme. Both of them only have a few pages, but typically the first few pages are enough to determine whether it would be an interesting read or not. 
 

So essentially my main question for these first two is, would you keep reading if there were more, and why? 


https://chooseyourstory.com/story/spellbondhttps://chooseyourstory.com/story/spellbond

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-kingdom-of-cystia

This last one is mainly for comparison purposes. I already have several good reviews to tell me its many flaws, but I still would like to know if the first few pages are more or less engaging than the other two stories. 
 

https://chooseyourstory.com/story/pride's-hunt

 

Anyhow, I would be really appreciative of any feedback at all. I would be especially appreciative of anyone that could give me direct feedback on which of these has my best writing, first off, and then a follow up on how good that writing is period. 

Cordially, 

A Return Refugee who wants to improve


Greetings! on 10/20/2021 4:14:13 PM

10/10 best possible reaction. 


Corgi vs Fem - Vote! on 10/13/2021 12:17:02 PM

True, but I've also not read anything by either of them in at least two years, so the writing styles weren't familiar to me. 


Corgi vs Fem - Vote! on 10/12/2021 10:30:43 PM

Revengeance wins this one. I wanted to like Fem's more, but it was way too messy. The flow was off, and way too many plot points were crammed into the story. 

Corgi wins because his story was more or less complete and was very easy to read and understand. 


Hi am a new person on 10/1/2021 2:06:22 PM

So I wanna follow-up with what I said previously, but just with the idea of practice. It seems you have a good desire write and improve, but, after reading some of your story, there is a clear need for refinement. This isn't bad thing; everyone needs refinement. My suggestion is start with something much smaller, and then work yourself up. Flash fiction is a great way to start off the basics of story creation/structure. It also helps enormously with how to write a story with good flow and transitions, and I think it goes without saying that it helps with practicing grammar, syntax, etc. 

How exactly you go through the writing process can vary, but one of my favorite ways to practice basic story structure is working from a 6 word story to a 1000 word story. The idea is to include exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution in each version of the same story. Here is Ernest Hemingway's famous example of a six word story:

"Baby shoes, for sale, never worn."

If you go through the whole process, then you will turn that 6 word story into a

100 word story 

Then a 

300 word story

500

750

And finally 

1000.

It's a good way to practice a lot of basics before you get into creating a 5+ rating storygame. 
 


Hi am a new person on 9/29/2021 7:19:10 PM

Read the articles and practice a lot. 


Will Ebon return? on 9/28/2021 10:35:11 PM

Many thanks Thara! I knew I made the right choice in leaving you what remained of my soul. Anyhow, I'll make use of this stipend and get to work on a storygame to redeem my name further. And instead of producing a half-baked one like the last time you loaned me some points, this one will be good.